Fertile fertiles and the infertiles that hate them

My trip to Arundel today was fantastic, barring all the fucking fertiles and their infinite spawn which overran the place. I can't find a happy medium--a live in a city which is the Chav Capital of England (for definition of "chav", please go here), with a dense population of teenage mothers, usually with more than one kid. These girls quit school at 15, have a two pack a day habit, and chances are the children are the product of more than one pimply faced, moderately retarded chav teenage boy. I avoid going into town because I cannot tolerate one more girl with a Croydon facelift* shouting for little Jade or little Ebony to, "Get the fuckin' 'ell over 'ere before you get fuckin' 'it!" For a translation of this, please just add an "h" to the beginning of the shortened words.

Arundel, located in the rather posh county of West Sussex, lacks the working class "charm" of my locale, but in its place are preppy, well-dressed parents with their catalogue-perfect offspring. The couples are just as cliche as their poorer counterparts, but just at the opposite end of the spectrum. Mothers here politely raise their voices ever so slightly and say, "Thomas darling, please come to mummy now." I don't like these parents either. I think they are the UK equivalent to what I've seen referred to on other blogs as the Pottery Barn set.

Today we were taking a walk through one of the parks and approached a rather steep, rocky incline. Blocking the path were an extended family, with two grandparents, parents, and three kids under the age of five, one of whom was in a stroller. May I just add at this point that this is not the place to bring a stroller, as you cannot move the bloody thing out of the way to allow others to get by. Behind us was a couple with three dogs on leashes. Upon seeing the dogs, the grandmother of The Fertiles very audibly said, "I thought there was a sign at the entrance barring dogs. Can't people read? It's so inconsiderate!" to which her totally gormless son/son-in-law said, "Well...what do you expect? If you are dumb enough to have dogs, you're dumb enough to not be able to read." What the fuck does that even mean? I wanted to interject and tell the rude old bat that the sign ACTUALLY says that dogs are required to be on leashes, rather than banned from the park altogether. Unfortunately the sign made no mention of inconsiderate assholes that bring all of their kid paraphrenalia on the paths, thus inconveniencing others trying to get by. I doubt there are many people that are bothered about dogs on leashes minding their own business, whereas I am clearly very bothered by ignorant parents thinking that because they can give life that this gives them carte blanche to get in my way all the time.

That's enough from me. I'm all 'quil-ed up and will start to make less and less sense if I carry on.

*Croydon facelift: When young women scrape their hair back into an ultra-tight ponytail so as to make the face taut and immobile. Usually paired with a big pair of fake gold earrings called creoles.

1 comment:

DeadBug said...

Croydon facelift...still giggling over that.