I think of myself as a private person. I suppose this isn't too surprising considering my husband is the only person I can tolerate for more than a day of continuous exposure, and even that is tested at times. When I moved abroad I didn't leave many friends behind, as many had moved further afield anyway. I guess it's because of this that I never shared my problems with infertility, or even PCOS with anyone outside my family. As it stands now, my mom is the only person I discuss these things with, and even that is at no great length because I cannot cope with her attempts to try and make me feel better.
Me: Well, I'm still doing the injections. I get one dose every night and sometimes two. I feel a bit achey and emotional, but aside from that I'm fine at the moment.
Her: I'm sorry to hear that. Hey, you know that woman at church that had fertility treatment? She had her baby. She only had one IUI before she got pregnant. She said her friend also had to have fertility treatment and she got pregnant with twins the first time! Oh yeah, and the one that had the twins cousin's greatniece took Clomid and got pregnant too. I'm sure you will be soon too.
Me: Yeah...so how are the dogs?
I suppose she tries. She has lovely functioning ovaries that churned out two kids, so I don't expect her to know what to say.
I don't feel as if I can share this infertility business with anyone primarily because I don't want their sympathy. I don't want people to feel as if they have to think of something to say to make me feel better, nor do I want stories about how it will happen to me if I just invest in the power of positive thinking. I think a lot of people with children have fertility guilt, and I don't want to put people in that difficult position. Naturally this does not mean I don't resent some people with kids, because I do. Not everyone...I'm selective in my jealousy and resentment. I have been reading some blogs lately of astonishingly strong women that have moved past that point on the rugged road of infertility, but I'm afraid I'm not there yet, and I don't see the end being in sight. Anyway, that is a whole other topic...
The intent behind this post is to find out if other people feel as private about their infertility experiences as I do. I have worked very hard to mask my identity in this blog because of a desperate fear of being googled and found out. I'm slightly bothered by my irrational fear of being discovered as AN INFERTILE, as it's not like I'm writing a beastiality blog or confessing my incurable lust for George W Bush. I guess I'd be a bit embarrassed by any cooter comments that I've made, but aside from that it's not as if there is anything to be ashamed of. Why am I so scared that people will find out my ovaries are broken?!?!