I'm again beginning to wonder what I've done to piss people off. My traffic is beyond abysmal lately and I can't figure out why. Perhaps it's the sudden shift in newly pregnant bloggers and blog readers and my constant whinging and neverending cynicism having driven them away. Maybe it's because it's the summertime and people aside from myself have far better things to do than read blogs, I don't know. Back to these pregnant bloggers...seriously, what is with this wave of fertility? Of course it's fab, and I'm particularly thrilled for longtime IF blogging stalwarts like DeadBug and Jen at FertilityNow! because lord knows they've paid their dues. When I first stumbled upon IF blogs I visited DeadBug and Jen a bit obsessively, so for them to finally have something to be happy about makes me happy too.
This oven, however, remains empty. The temperature isn't even on. It don't go. I'm thinking of starting a programme - No Infertile Left Behind. Who's with me? As long as I'm not the last infertile standing, I think I'll be fine. I'll still bitch though, because...well, that's what I do.
Since you've asked so kindly, I'll tell you how my wand-waving with Dr WHYBAML went on Wednesday. May I just say, this is no fleeting romance. All you naysayers out there take heed -it's Pru + WHYBAML 4 eva. Totally. I must confess my love waned for just a moment when he said whilst wanding, "Hmm...a lot of cysts on those ovaries. Very characteristic of PCOS." Uh, no shit WHYBAML, that's why we're here. I know you think I like a good cooter poking numerous times a week for two weeks straight for the hell of it, but if I was there for the action I can get better at home. You know, if I was even up for it in the first place.
WHYBAML remains optimistic however, so as of yet there is no need to have the carving on my arm of his name covered up. The scan was only done on day 4, so aside from the numerous cysts, there isn't much going on up in here. It may all start to happen now though, as I have been given clearance for the first time in my prolific IUI career to use the Puregon Pen, or as the Yanks call it, the Follistim Pen. Regardless of its name, I get to stab my abdomen daily with relish. It is one cute pen...and the carrying case? Don't get me started. I am also loading up on the Metformin, Letrozole and folic acid, so surely some good has to come of this, right?
My next poking is on Monday. WHYBAML has conveniently arranged it for after work, so I have no need to come up with any cryptic excuses as to why I have to leave in the middle of the day to go to the hospital. As I was leaving the appointment on Wednesday, WHYBAML patted me on the back. I choose to interpret it as an "Atta girl...getting all jacked up on hormones and submitting to wandings. Way to take one for the team!" pat rather than an, "Poor soul. Poor, barren little creature. Maybe someday your freakishly polycystic ovaries will asist in the conception of a child." pat.
So that is where I stand, or rather, sit with my legs open wide in the stirrups. Same thing. I'm finding it difficult to feel anything aside from ambivalence for this cycle, despite the fact that it's the first one we have to pay for. You would think that would make me even more keen for it to work, but I'm quite blase at the moment. I know it's early days, but all this has gone on for three long years and I don't know if I have any emotion left, good or bad. At least I have WHYBAML.