8/10/2005

Infertile ho-bag

Yup, that's me. So here I am thinking I'm a modest person; I've got big boobs but I don't like to show them off, I've never worn a bikini, and I haven't had innumerable sex partners over the years. However, it seems I have misread the situation and I'm full out skank.

I had a wanding session with Dr WHYBAML today. WHYBAML, ever the gentleman, left the office while I was stripping off, arranging myself in the chair and getting stirruped up. I draped the cloth over my nether regions as always, situating it just so and preventing me from revealing too much, but yielding enough cooter to be wanded. WHYBAML saunters in, makes some small talk, then moves to insert my little friend. While he's doing this he says, "Let's cover you up a bit more." Uh, que? Either he's saying that this shit needs to be covered up because I have cooter issues (cosmetic or physical...I'm unsure), or because I was putting it all out there for all three of us to see. Personally, I don't see either of these as occuring but apparently WHYBAML was offended by cooter action of some description. It was covered up, I swear! Hell, I don't want to look at the bloody thing, why would I assume anyone else does?

I am not one to obsess over follicle size, so don't ask me how big my measly two are at this stage (day 11) of my cycle. WHYBAML did tell me that he's not worried that I only have two, as he believes these two to be particularly strong. Go Team Ovary! I almost laughed at WHYBAML's parting sentence today, said whilst shaking my hand: "Well done Pru. Well done." I automatically pictured myself sitting at home, staring at my stomach and coaching my ovaries into action - "C'mon ladies, do it for WHYBAML! I know from previous behaviour that you would tell me to get fucked, but we're talking about WHYBAML. Goooooooooooooooooooooo ovaries!".

WHYBAML has prescribed two more medications prior to scheduled IUI day on Tuesday. One is to delay ovulation until the "right" time, and the other aims to keep my progesterone levels up. This brings my drug count to 7 this cycle. Yay me. The Dude sometimes mocks my extreme medication-taking, regularly offering to buy me a lovely pill box so I can show it off to any elderly friends I might make. This is becoming increasingly difficult for him to do since a few of my meds are injectibles now, which I don't suppose is really anything to brag about. I am becoming concerned about my genuine excitement when it's Puregon Pen time. Yes, I am getting some sort of perverse joy out of jabbing myself in the abdomen every night. Simple things for simple folk.

My next scan is Saturday morning. It is at that point we will know for sure if Tuesday will be the day. Rest assured, I will be keeping my bits covered appropriately so as not to cause further offense.

17 comments:

Manuela said...

I suspect he simply didn't want to be overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of your cooter... imagine the distraction! Not something that any self-respecting Doctor would want to have to endure while performing with the dildo-cam...

Hey... it's a theory.

Internal Spring said...

Oh, maybe he thought the cover up was in order because you looked too pornographically wonderful and that distracted him.

Actually, though, they don't have to see it at all once they've got it in there. They seem to barely look at it, it seems to me. So it never even matters how nicely you've dressed it up for them.

A duo is good for an IUI at your age, if you had too many, they'd cancel you - you can have too much of a good thing you know.

You didn't say which side(s) the duo are on - are they singing a duet across your uterus or side by side?

The pen, ahh I miss it dearly. And the shots too.

Wishing the twins well and hoping they keep growing strong.

K said...

Tee hee! I have to laugh, because my one doc is so modest, he's always rearranging the paper drape after he inserts the wand. Makes me wonder if he smoothes the sheet during sex. Not that I've ever thought about him having sex, but you know.

So, I vote for distracted by loveliness too!

mm said...

You hussy.

Dooneybug said...

I'm going to have to go with Manuela here and say it's the cooter's fault for being so lovely.

Best wishes for follicle growth!

Molly said...

Oh, Pru. I could have told you that you were a ho-bag long, long ago.

By the way -- well done, Pru. Well done.

Em said...

On my third clomid try I virtually walked into the scan sans panties, I was so used to it. It is so exciting that you are doing the IUI stuff. I am so ignorant about all the various IF treatments, I'm going to get my money's worth at my next gynae appointment. I want to know exactly what all my clomid stuff meant -huge follicles, late ovulation etc. I feel like I am in the dark.

PJ said...

I vote for the lovely cooter as well.

When you wrote that the doc said "well done, Pru. well done." I immediately pictured a George Cromwell in Babe moment. You know the one where he says "that'll do, pig. That'll do." Not that I am AT ALL comparing you to Babe, but that's just what I pictured. Feel free to tell me to bugger off for even saying such a thing. I would understand.

Pamplemousse said...

Hahahaha cracking up at the Babe comment!

I am sure your cooter was a vision of loveliness but the inner-cooter light shining out was just too, too bright for the doc.

Get talking to the team now!

Nico said...

Give me a G
Give me an O
Give me an O-V-A-R-I-E-S...

What does it spell?
Goooooooo ovaries!

Cass said...

My last wand monkey had me insert the wand myself, so she didn't take even the tiniest peek. I found it totally weird.

B. Mare said...

Good Lord, you'd think he would have seen lots and lots of cooters by now. What's one more between friends? Why be so coy?

TEAM OVARY! WHOO HOO!

Millie said...

I totally had a Babe flashback as well.

Well done, Pru, well done.

Goooooooo Team Ovary!!!

Nico said...

Woah - Cass, you had to put the wand in yourself??? That IS weird!

MC said...

I agree that is so weird wanding yourself.

elle said...

Very strange comment from RE - I don't know if it's creepy or what. The Dude has a good sense of humor. My DH has offered same for me. Good luck!

Ova Girl said...

Team Ovary deserves a tee shirt!