My period has arrived. Thus ends the IUI stage of infertility, the dawn of IVF is nigh. I'm 26 years old, I don't drink, smoke, drink caffeine, or eat foods that are high in fat or sugar, I take supplements that are to aid fertility, and for what? Absolutely fuck all.
A few hours ago I planned on being insightful and witty in this post, but reality has come crashing down on me. There is nothing past this next step. Surely I haven't been treated for infertility long enough to now be at the last step?
Tonight, once I first discovered that IUIs are in fact a complete and utter waste of time, I dealt with it quite well. I calmly told The Dude that this wasn't the month and casually started chatting about our next consultation when we'll discuss IVF. I felt rational for a time, which is unusual for me. What has pushed me over the edge is The Dude's visible disappointment. Understandable, but it has left me completely guilt ridden. I feel like not only do I have to deal with my own feelings on all of this, but I have to cope with the fact that he has been let down by me again. I'm the cause of his sadness, but there is nothing I can do to fix it. It's a horrible feeling that I would not dare wish on anyone.
Now I'm fuming about people that get pregnant easily, and wondering how the fuck this can be so hard.
I'm sorry if I sound terribly self-pitying and oh-woe-is-me. I know lately has not been the best of times for a lot of bloggers, so as someone that has yet to venture onto the physical and emotional rollercoaster that is IVF I feel a bit overly dramatic.
What a way to start the Easter holiday.