In the interest of full disclosure

I think I may be high on endorphins and a great love of "Survivor" by Destiny's Child (sorry Helen), but fuck it - here is that picture of my former fat ass self that I said I couldn't bring myself to put on here. I've just had a good run, my trousers are starting to sit very loosely on my hips, and my thighs are slowly starting to be less likely to create a smell of bacon when I walk.

I cringed having to look at this image whilst defacing my aunt's clownified photo. The rolls, the boobs, the moonpie face, oy vey, what a mess. I'm just able to post it because I know that I'm making progress. This is not me, this was me.

I will probably take this down soon anyway - not because I'm ashamed, because for the first time since I was 19, I'm not. It's largely due to the fact that I call my "boss" nasty names and I have this irrational fear that she'll find me and sit on me with her fat ass. But anyway, no, I'm not terrified that other people will see this photo, so this is me coming out. It's a big step for someone who refuses to look at her work ID through fear of being swallowed by the giant shiny moonpie face within.

People always say that trite, throwaway statement, "If I can do it, anyone can!!" I hate this phrase with a passion, but I'm struggling to come up with another way of stating exactly that. Motivation varies from person to person of course, but for me (as I've mentioned before), I realised that 10 years becomes 20, 20 becomes 30, and before you know it, you're a lumpy, wobbly lady in your twilight years wondering what you could have been. I'm 30, not 60. I want to be able to do this while I still can. Besides, it gives me kick ass preparation for cruiseship shuffleboard.

I just hope that in 35 years "Survivor" picks me up in the same way it does now, because seriously, I could run for miles with a broken leg and a spear through my left eye as long as that song was playing. Destiny's Child, wooo!


In unrelated to fatness news, my girl Cali had some great news today. Lord knows she has suffered enough, so go and tell her how happy you are for her!


Sizzle said...

Finding that motivation is the key. Good for you!

Kristi said...

I'm so glad you posted this photo and that it's serving to motivate you (although truly, I don't think you look half as bad as you think you do).

So proud of you for running. Run a mile or 13 for me, m'kay?

hairyfarmerfamily said...

Firstly, SOOOOO not a bad picture. In your eyes: perhaps. But you're looking more than ok to me!

Secondly, ha-HA! I can now roam the seaside towns of Great Britain with a clearer idea of just who it is that I'm stalking. Pointless taking the photo down... I has committed you to memory...!

Thirdly, Hubby has just swept a glance over my shoulder on his way out to pee the dogs (a mere turn of phrase) and commented in passing that the farm you are on does not look English. I was not at all sure how he arrived at this conclusion, and I have been examining the cattle in vain for signs of nationality. Perhaps they looked happier than British cows? But then I spotted the fan! Bit of a giveaway, right enough.

You need to take up running in this bloody country to stay ahead of the approaching glaciers. When you find somewhere warm, let me know!

Melissa said...

Dang, woman. You are really hard on yourself. Really, really hard. Seriously. I'm not sure what I was expecting based on your description, but it wasn't this. Maybe you look worse than you used to at some point in your life, but...well, I'll just come out and say it. You're hot! I feel duped!

Brigindo said...

Darling if that's you at your worse you've got nothing to worry about.

Congrats on the progress. It's all good.

Major Bedhead said...

Congratulations on making progress. It's a great feeling.

I think you're cute as you are, but I totally get wanting to change things.

I'd kill for that hair, dood. It's beautiful.

Heather said...

Damn, Pru. You look beautiful! Seconding the hair love, too.

Kath said...

Dear Pru, based on your unkind description of yourself, I would have expected you to be the Crayola creation on the left rather than the attractive, golden-haired woman on the right. You are way, way too hard on yourself -- or should I say "were"? Congratulations on finding the courage to post this, and on your fitness endeavors.

I could not stop laughing at the image of you hobbling along maniacally to "Survivor" with a spear jutting out of your eye. You are hilarious, girl.

Hayley said...

Wow, check out the hair! I think you are gorgeous, and don't get the moonpie face thing at all, but I understand that we have skewed perceptions of ourselves (my favourite description of myself is fat and ugly, go figure).

I have to admit, when I saw the photo (prior to reading this post), I thought the strange being with large blue eyes was supposed to be you. I am pleased that I was wrong (not that there's anything wrong with the crayola lady, but you look so much nicer. That shade of red is SO last year :p).

Saw your twitter - if you want something 'nice' to snack on, a square of 70% cocoa solids dark chocolate is good - it's an excellent antioxidant, apparently. I like the Lindt version with orange flavour.

Good luck!

electriclady said...

You are pretty gorgeous, but then you know I'm a broken record with that shit. BUT you are a stud for running and being healthy and all that stuff that I am too lazy to do (despite the gym membership fee being deducted from my paycheck and the gym IN MY OFFICE BUILDING). I guess this means you will simply get hotter and hotter until you are too divine for the likes of the rest of us?

calliope said...

wait a minute. You look hawt in that photo. Seriously. I know we all have our own personal image breaking points and that you are at yours, but please know that what you described and what is the truth are far and away from each other.

That being said I am so proud of you. I can't wait until you finally see the true beauty that we all see.

And I am SO going to stalk you better now. bwha ha ha!!!

Defiantmuse said...

first of all - SO glad you posted that photo!

second - dude, you look beautiful.

third - little P looks decidedly UN-carney-ish in that photo.

Helen said...

I forgive you the Beyonce. For now.

You are very cute. Your aunt may want to reconsider the Tammy Faye look, but otherwise, I know where you're coming from.

B.Mare said...

I know that feeling of hating the rolls- it just seems like your midriff is out of control and exploding when that happens. That said, I don't think most mortal women (supermodels aside) are roll free when they sit down. It's totally normal and yet we all end up beating ourselves up about it.

Anyway, you are so clearly the HAWTNESS. Hotttt. Even the cows think so. Look, that one is obviously wanting to lick your shiny, pretty hair.

Em said...

Good on ya!! You're gorgeous whatever! I've just lost 5 kg in about a month and guess how I've done it...it's revolutionary so hold on! I am eating three meals a day, no picking, no seconds, no crap and fruit or yoghurt for a snack. Now baby eggs is over 2 it is time I got my fat ass slimmed down! I've spent so much money on weight wtachers and slim fast and stuff like that. I'm just going to take my time.

nutsinmay said...

You are thinner than I am. Also, you have nice hair. Therefore I officially Hate You With Side Order Of Pea-Green-Envy.

You are very brave and good luck with the running. I hate running. I think anyone who runs more than once a year deserves a little gold medal all of their own. Therefore, I shall make the side order of envy into a whole bowl-ful.

Yours, blimpishly, a May who is seriously realising what havoc comfort-eating has been playing with her wearable-trousers selection.

Vacant Uterus said...

I envy your smooth, shiny hair. I want to pat it and know that somewhere in the universe hair like that exists, even if not on my head.

I've been thinking of running too. Now I have no excuse. Siiiigh.

Quietgirl said...

Well you wear your chunk well. You're still a damn hottie :)

kate said...

Hrm. After 3 1/2 months of training for a 10k (with still another 2 1/2 to go, but that's not the point...), and after years of other forms of diet/exercise torture, I look pretty much like your picture here does, only without the awesome hair.

And you're right. The "If I can do it, you can!" is probably the most idiotic phrase to have ever been created as it regards weight loss. When people write that, I always think, "well, then, what the hell is my problem???". It implies somehow that the reader hasn't *actually* tried, and if only they'd *actually* try, then they, too, could lose weight. And if I hadn't actually ever tried, I might read that and think, "Hmm. Maybe I COULD do it!", but instead, I look at my belly rolls and think that there must be something seriously fucking wrong with me that I eat and drink normally, run 10-15 miles a week, lift weights on days I don't run, garden/clean/hang laundry, etc. pretty much every day, too, so why is it that I still look like everyone's "before" picture?

Though in fairness, I should disclose that as of last week, I do believe that I've finally actually LOST a tiny bit of weight, after 3.5 months. And that, though my waist circumference is the exact same as it was when I started, my chest has shrunk by three inches, and my thighs look decidedly less like sausage-in-a-tight-casing... so, I figure that after another 3.5 months, I might have finally lost the 10 lbs I was hoping to lose when I started this whole thing.


Back to the matter at hand, which is responding to your post:
You, my dear, are brave to post a picture that you don't like of yourself. It is really hard to share that kind of thing with the internet world at large, where guiding others' judgement of yourself must be based on only what we offer of ourself, not what happens naturally as we get to know people in person. So to put out an image of yourself that you know to be an image that does not validly share who you now are? Well, kudos to you for being so brave. I am glad you are past that point in your life. I am glad that you are distant enough from that image to feel comfortable sharing it as a "used-to-be". Good for you.

And now, I have to end this comment, not because it's already too long, but because the lady that just sat down at the computer station next to me has the most obnoxious perfume on and it's giving me a headache and I'm afraid I'll have to kill her now. So it might be a while before I post because I don't know when they allow inmates access to the internet, if ever.

Betty M said...

Congratulations on getting motivated! Some photos of me whilst we were away should be doing the same for me - no sign of it yet though. And I don't have such lush hair to make up for the muffin top.