6/13/2008

The bride stripped bare

I took yet another leisurely half day today so that I could take P to the weekly gathering of our Mums and (now)Toddlers group, which I have not attended in at least 6 months. I was excited about catching up with the other mums and seeing how much the other kids had grown and their speech developed. However, as there is always one of those popping up in nearly every tale of mine, I spent most of the time trying not to cry and telling myself that I needn't leave 2 hours early much as I wanted to.

One of the other mothers, a mere slip of a thing, has recently been diagnosed with PCOS, the syndrome/disease/ruiner of a happy life which I have. This woman is truly pocket-sized, in that she is about 5'4 and can't weigh more than 90 lbs. As soon as I heard her say PCOS, I panicked, as all of the other women know that I too have PCOS and that it accounts for my pleasing plumpness. I knew they were looking at her and thinking, "She's so thin - she may snap in half just picking up a plastic fork!", then turning to look at me and no doubt musing, "That one, on the other hand, has guided far too many plastic forks loaded with massive lumps of cheesecake into her gaping maw, so what's the deal here?"

The operative word here is "thinking" - as in, these thoughts may have occurred to them, yet they didn't verbalise them. However, the kind lady sitting to my right, never known for her tact actually said, "So you both have the same problem and in you it makes you underweight, and it makes you (Pru) overweight?" Oh no she didn't just...

Yeah, she totally did. Not a waking hour of my life goes by without me lamenting my weight, and prior to this act of aggression I was sitting there, feeling fat, cumbersome, and frumpy. Clearly all that I needed was to have my name verbally connected to "overweight". This statement has imprinted itself onto my brain, just like every other casually ignorant statement that family and acquaintances have said to me in the past 10 years since I gained the PCOS weight. It keeps the company of "Only fat women have big boobs - sorry Pru, but it is true" (said by brother-in-law to make his flat-chested wife feel better), "Us larger girls need to stick together" (said by a former co-worker easily 80lbs heavier than me), and "Most clothes don't flatter bodies like ours" (said by my mother, a woman both heavier and more ill-proportioned than me).

So thank you to all of the people that carve even more chinks into my already-flimsy, damaged self-esteem. I need to have another reason to hate myself so much that I feel I need to feel a lot of physical pain in an effort to lessen the emotional pain. Thank you for further making me question how I will ever be a good mother to a daughter.

34 comments:

Aunt Becky said...

That's shockingly mean-spirited. Here let me attempt to make you feel better:

Once, after I had Ben--in which I got disgustingly fat--I was out with a friend, who had recently discovered that she and I weighed the same amount.

Her response? "Well, it looks better on me."

Gee....thanks!

gold star said...

it's times like these that I like to quote snoop d o double g.

women are nasty bitches.

Tash said...

ring o' fire as Johnny said, ring o' fire.

No she dinnt is right -- WHAT a ho.

EJW said...

I doubt this will make you feel any better, but she probably went home and wrote on *her* blog about how she totally stuck her foot in her mouth, and she's so embarrassed she said that to the amazing, fun-lovin, hard-rockin, awesomely-P-raisin American in the group.

Otherwise, I hope you shot her a look of Liquid Death. I'm definitely thinking Thoughts of Liquid Death in her direction now.

Heather said...

What a horrible old shrew. I'd like to read that you did give her the finger - Johnny style.

My MIL came to see us in hospital the night my daughter was born. The first words from her mouth? Not what a lovely child or we're so happy she's healthy and you're both alive. Rather, "don't worry about all that weight, you'll lose it someday." And she outweighed me and and a half.

Defiantmuse said...

oh no she di'innn't.
who the fuck says something like that?

My SIL (who is about 50 lbs. heavier than me and 20 YEARS OLDER) told me that "Our hot days are over".

WTF?!

that shit sticks with you and plays on repeat inside your head. I feel ya.

May said...

PCOS and insensitive idiots: the gifts that keep on' giving.

DD said...

I've seen you (pictures, anyway) and aside from that perpetually flat-ass, I have never had one thought of your figure being anything but very fine.

PCOS also supposedly is marked by excess hair. You should have replied, "...and in you, it just gave you a womanstache and chin bangs...oh, but you don't have PCOS. So what IS your problem?"

Jen said...

What a bitch. I think you are lovely, and she can stuff it.

On a completely unrelated tangent, the word verification letters below almost spell the word "handjob." Hee hee.

j said...

Mean. And saddening.

As an aside. Um. I get your title. You have made reference to the Large Glass and I would probably get over my lust for you over the music compatibility thing in order to just be your friend:)

Sizzle said...

We do this to each other all the time which does NOT excuse it. We try to relate, make sense, fit in, and sometimes, yes, we say things spitefully. I don't know what that woman's intention was saying that but why do we feel like we have the right to comment on the looks/bodies of other people? We're so caught up in the competition. UGH! Isn't the point that you both have this and that is the real issue? Not who has more weight on their bodies.

I'm sorry that happened to you because no matter her intention, it hurt you. :(

electriclady said...

HORRIBLE.

You already know I think you are adorable and from everything I see in pictures, you are perfectly sized (and I can only dream of having a rack like yours).

And you know what? You will be a wonderful mother to P (you already are, but I'm assuming you're talking about those body-loathing tween and teen years) not only BECAUSE you've experienced these feelings, but also because you are able to analyze and mentally cut up people who say shit like that. You know exactly how stuff like that hurts, so you won't ever say ill-considered crap to your daughter, and you'll know how to help her through it if anyone dares say anything horrible to your beautiful girl.

Clover said...

Oh jeez, what kind of crap is that? That totally sucks...

Mary Scarlet said...

Fuck!

People are so stupid.

I've seen the pictures too, Pru. You're a babe.

Kim said...

Oh, so sorry. I wish more people would think before they spoke! I have PCOS and need to lose about 30lbs - I have already lost about 25 lbs. It is so hard and so frustrating! Good Luck to you! NCLM

Quietgirl said...

That's right tell them to fuck off. It's because those women have weight issues themselves that they pay that inordinate amount of attention to others (your) weight. Tell them to fuck off and kick em in the shins while you're at it.
They can keep their issues out of your life, fuck you very much.

tonya said...

What a fucking bitch, I'd want to say Diarrhea of the mouth much??

I'd like to think it must have just slipped out due to genuine medical curiosity, but daaamn, woman, WTF? THINK about it a bit more before you speak.

And yes, I've seen pix too and you look fine to me, with a nice rack to boot!

Was there anything redeeming about the outing otherwise?

Flicka said...

Whaaaat? Don't ever go back there, Pru. These are not people you need to be friends with. Plus, who knows if Stick was telling the truth or just Googled herself a diagnosis?

Pru, I have seen your pictures, including your ass. You are beautiful, inside and out. Don't let these women get inside your head. Leave that space for Molly. You are awesome. They are horrid. Rock on with your bad self.

Eva said...

So sorry sweetie. That just stinks. But the good mother comment, that's just the self pity talking. Of course you are and will continue to be a great mother to Pru.

Hmm, or, we could see if my theory is true, that you made the whole story up just to get lots of comments. Just teasing.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Thalia said...

That does sound like one of those comments you wish you hadn't said. And I wish she hadn't said it, either. Oh Pru, these judgements are so hard. I spend so much time hating my body, and worrying about my effect on Pob, I know at least some of how you feel. It sucks. Just try to be a bit kind to yourself. It's hard, but you deserve that kindness.

Lut C. said...

I had hoped to blame my overweight, unwanted dark hairs here and there, as well as irregular cycles on PCOS. But my RE doesn't seem to think I have it. What?! No fair!

The nutritionist he sent me to blames it all on my taste for adult beverages (beer, wine, rum, vodka, ..., all in small quantities I assure you).

Not that this will make you feel any better about the comment you got.

hairyfarmerfamily said...

What a rotten remark! And Aunt Becky, Heather and Defiant Muse have had their moments too, seemingly. I was walking down Stratford High St a month or so back when I heard a couple of teenage schoolgirls behind me having a not-as-hushed-as-they-thought conversation. I was fat, according to one of them. And then I was absurdly cheered up when the second girlie responded with "Nah, that's not fat. You know Miss BlahBlah? Now THAT's fat." Poor Miss BlahBlah.

And poor us. I do love being judged on the size of my bottom.

rockmama said...

Holy shitbags, I bet she wanted to crawl under the table and die after she said it, though and will probably be replaying the incident in her head and wanting to stick a fork in her eye.

I'm so sorry you're having a self image crisis, Pru. You and your girlie are totally lovely and I hope to meet the both of you really soon. :)

B.Mare said...

A certain now ex-boyfriend once said to me "Well, neither of us is exactly gorgeous, are we?" Meaning we were both ugly monkeys.

SPEAK FOR YERSELF, jerkhead, I am totally hotttttness personified.

But yeah. That remark still stings (obviously). And I bet you are totally adorable.

nutsinmay said...

Ow, crikey. What a bitch. You should have had me there. I could have demonstrated the TRULY DEEPLY overweight side of PCOS and squashed her to jelly with one buttock.

What a cow. I hope she went straight home and died of shame.

I have seen photos of you. I assume cow-bitch was being Deeply Unfortunate in choice of terms in comparing normal, lovely-sized Pru to teeny-weeny woman.

The whole lousy-self-image thing really leaves nasty-bad scars, doesn't it? I've only just recently come to terms with the fact that the size of my stupendous arse simply means I have a big arse, not that I am a Bad Person of Revolting Appearance. Nevertheless, you can share my arse if you like.

Kristi said...

What a jackass.

You know you're a better person that she is. You know, by virtue of the fact that you would never, ever say something like that to another woman, that you are therefore a better mother than she is (let's hope she doesn't have a daughter too). And you know that you're of far greater intelligence than she is as well. I pity someone so ignorant as that woman.

Queenie. . . said...

Hope you don't mind bad language, because here's what I've got to say:

Fuck 'em.

People that think that way suck. And you don't need people that suck in your life. Don't go back to that playgroup.

And stop feeling bad about your body. There are gorgeous, sexy women of all sizes. At the end of the day, it's all about how YOU feel about your body. So what if you weigh more than a supermodel? That doesn't mean you can't be a MILF. Granted, I say this as a skinny woman who looks like a 12 year old boy. But a Wonderbra and a hot dress later, I'm good to go. It's all about the attitude, sista!

Queenie. . . said...

PS Why have all these commenters seen your bum?

Helen said...

Let me smack someone for you. Just tell me who and when. I'll even wait around, with a red carnation and a copy of the latest Times, you just point it out and let me know who to smack. I'm here for you.

PiquantMolly said...

HO.

I totally would have looked her straight in the eye and gave the most cheerily insincere "THANKS!" in the world and just waited for her to dig her ass out of that hole. Christ.

As Flicka said, let me fill the hole that is meant to absorb others' aspersions. You slut.

seriously? said...

Isn't it a shame that women have to critize each other to feel better about themselves? What a rude person to talk about your weight.

Here from NCLM!

Major Bedhead said...

I'd like to say I'm shocked by what comes out of some people's mouths, but sadly, I'm not. I'm sorry, Pru. It just sucks.

Magpie said...

Hey you? We could go sit in a corner and drink gin, because they can go stuff it and we're going to raise kick-ass kids.

Miz S said...

I'm late to the conversation but may I just say that you should pat yourself on the back for staying at the gathering. That was a very grown-up thing to do. I might have just fled in tears. That woman is a total ass.