Rampant fuckwittery

Ok, I'll jump on the bandwagon. There have been a few posts lately about the idiocy of ignorant friends and family, and I have been provoked to contribute my own recent exposure to such things. Thank you mother.

I received a chatty email from my Mom the other day recounting the status of the house sale, the weather, and this gem to conclude the conversation:

"Oh, guess who subbed in my class the other day? Bitch Beeblebutt! Bitch just returned from Australia with her new Irish husband, and now she's ready to give birth in January! Isn't that grand?"

Yes, it's fab. Great for her! May I just mention now that Bitch Beeblebutt is the recovering alcoholic slut I blogged about a few weeks ago? I need not reiterate how very thrilled I was to hear that she had been impregnated. Yeah, people change, grow up, whatever. I'm a vile, bitter witch, what of it?

Next day came chatty email number 2 from Mom:

"Bitch Beeblebutt also said that Dweeby Nutwad is pregnant now too, do you remember her? I think she only just got married, so that didn't take long, did it?"

My Mom, bless her, is rather flighty. She is incapable of being malicious, but she is often completely and utterly blind to how her words might affect others. She would not hesitate to ask when the IVF is going ahead in one breath, and follow that query with the sudden rememberance that someone I hated in high school was pregnant. Being the person she is, she is always happy for them, without a second thought as to how I might find that juxtaposition upsetting.

What astounds me is that this is my own mother - one of the 4 or so people in my non-blogging life that knows of my infertility problems. If you can't get understanding from your own mother, you're pretty much fucked that anyone else is going to proceed with caution.

This is why I don't share my dodgy ovary tale with people. If it isn't misguided advice such as "just relax" or "if it was meant to be...", it's the absence of common sense.

The lesson today is: You're fucked if you do, and you're fucked if you don't. Basically, just fucked.

There, I have satisfied my "fuck" quota for today. Fucking marvellous.*

*Apologies to the sensitive for all the swearing. Who am I kidding? They all left months ago. Fuck 'em.


fisher queen said...

That fuckin' sucks.

Holly said...

My mother is a sweep it under the rug kinda gal.

Lindy said...

Yeah, fuck 'em.

My mom is the same way. No harm intended, she's just sort of spacy. "Not a thought unuttered," my father says.

She recently admitted to me that when I was a baby, she told her infertile friend (who's also my godmother and an incredible person) that she was lucky she didn't have a baby because she could sleep late and do whatever she wanted on the weekends. I was utterly appalled.

Pamplemousse said...

Fucking indeed!

Alexa said...


My mother has started sending me links to articles about cancer patients who allegedly shrunk their tumors through the miracle of positive thinking. Apparently I can impregnate myself with the power of my mind...

Sorry your mother is being flighty and that Bitch B. and Dweeby N. are pregnant.

cat said...

For fucks sake what is with our mothers? My mum is the same way. Bloody oblivious. That is until I ranted about others saying stupid fucked up things to us and how hurtful that was. A few sessions of that and she dampened down the drivebys.

Fuck em all... and fuck em a few times more for good measure.

thalia said...

My mum does something a bit different which is to send us articles about "acupuncture got me pregnant" and "reflexology led to my baby" and...you get the point.

Sorry your mum isn't getting it. Does she get it if you tell her to stop?

tania said...

ugh. Moms can just suck mightily, can't they?

My mom is of the "Can't think of anything to say? Don't say anything" school normally. And she also loves to tell me how I need to stay positive. And she got mad at me once when I told her I would probably need to leave my grandmother's 90th birthday party early because of my 16 cousins, most of them were either pregnant or had babies with them, and I didn't know if I could deal with it.

I think sometimes they're just so damn uncomfortable with the subject and the fact that they can't do anything to help you that they just rattle on and end up saying really stupid shit.

elle said...

Fuckin-A. Yeah, I learned a looooooooooooong time ago that if I am looking for emotional support, begin & end the search with the mirror. My mom, well, it's gotten much better, but she has disappointed me enough that she gets left out of the loop. It's not like in the movies, is it?

Lori said...

Fuck that sucks!
My mom has generally been pretty good though it was a little weird when she asked what kind of underwear J wears because "it's true what they say about boxers" Um, okay Mom, I'll pass that along. Weird.
Sorry you're Mom has been a little flighty. I find it hard to deal with those comments because you know they're not being malicious so I feel bad pointing out that they are hurtful.

Molly said...

Dude, Pru. I'm still laughing over the fact that you gave one of your high school acquaintances the last name "Nutwad."

Fuck 'em indeed. No wait, don't fuck 'em -- they'll probably just end up getting pregnant.

Ova Girl said...

Fucking outrageous!

Mary Scarlet said...

Gah. I'm thinking that some Moe-style Three Stooges two-fingered eye *doinks* are in order for most of these people. Since our mothers birthed us, I guess we should exempt them, but good golly. Mine is generally good but can only tolerate a certain level of medical detail before she freaks out. I have an old friend -- when I finally told her what I'd been going through she actually reciprocated with a long story about how excessive fertility is her problem. Jesus Gay. How fucking stupid are these people? Also, I'll be glad to take your two tits off your hands (is that where you're keeping them?) thanks for the offer and the visit, you rokk. Sincerely, Mary Sixtits

Panda said...

Fuck them, those fucking fucks.

April said...

Fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Wow, that felt pretty cathartic.

Dooneybug said...

You can never say fuck too many times.

Manuela said...

Oh and... in case the others didn't already cover it... Fuckery fucking fucky fucks.

ooooh... fucky fucks... I like that one!