10/05/2005

The haves and have nots

Please excuse any extreme vitriol and pettiness that is to follow. I suspect my period will make an appearance within the next couple of days, and though I don't think I have PMS, I am fuelled by massive hatred for pretty much everyone and everything in the days approaching my period. Now is the time that my co-worker's crisp-chewing reaches a chomping crescendo, to the point that it is annoying me so much that I feel like I have dozens of voices colliding in my head. Another co-worker's infuriating need to accommodate each.and.every.single. person that crosses our doorway to a level that exceeds saintdom forces me to leave the room long enough to take ten very deep breaths.

Now is not the time to receive an email from the president of my senior class in high school regarding our 10th reunion. I perused the names of the other alum, noting the many apparent marriages of my former classmates. I came across one person (Woman A) whose name has changed, and my first reaction was, "Someone married that bitch?", which isn't the kindest initial thought to have considering I haven't seen her since graduation. In defense of myself, she went out with the guy I had a crush on all through junior and senior high. He was genuinely one of the nicest guys I have ever met, and she was (and I will just say for my own selfish reasons, still is) an evil, materialistic, big-nosed succubus.

:::Ahem::: So, like any other normal, stable person with no agenda whatsoever, I googled Woman A, with and without her married name. As it turns out, she married well -- a young, hot guy who is a professor at an Ivy League university. Typical. No word on children just yet, but I'm certain that they will soon follow. They will be blond and blue-eyed, artistic like their mother, and academically-inclined like their father. Hopefully they will also have her nose, just to make me, an anonymous spiteful bitch, satisfied with having something amiss in her life, however small the detail.

Moving onto the second name, Woman B...Married. Not a big deal. I didn't dislike this one, I actually felt sorry for her. That is, until another friend informed me post-reunion email that this woman is 6 months pregnant. Woman B went into rehab at 18. On a school-sponsored trip to the UK after graduation she spent most of her time either passed out in the coach bathroom, or slumped over its toilet. A few times she would meet random men at the hotel bars and seduce them with her overpowering breath, slurred words, and prodigious cleavage. The last time I heard about her prior to this email, she had more or less gotten her life together and her rehab stints were fewer and far between. Of course she's pregnant. Why not?

Basically, this has brought me to the conclusion that infertility has made me jealous of anyone for any reason I see fit. I have spent so long - three years and counting - envying other women's fertility, that my jealousy has oozed into other aspects of life. In the case of Woman A, I don't want her husband because mine is fabulous most of the time, so in that sense I'm not jealous, but I am irritated that despite being an absolute cow she has managed to snag herself a good-looking, successful man. Much of this is residual animosity surrounding the high school guy, but C'MON (said in Gob voice)...how many chances can one person get? Thankfully I have not read anything about her career, which I'm sure is fantastic, or else I would dangling dangerously at the end of the jealousy precipice.

Ms Prufrock. Infertile. Brunette. 27. Coffee-drinker. Animal lover. Jealous bitch.

11 comments:

Molly said...

I can't tell you how many times I've browsed classmates.com and actually said, out loud, "Someone married that bitch/asshole?" So I guess I also qualify for bitter bitch. That's fine. As I said to my husband once in an argument, "Well, I'd rather be a bitch than be boring!" (his response: "You're sure doing a good job of it!")

I still stand by that quote. I'd rather be a bitch than be boring.

Pamplemousse said...

Sing it, sister bitch. Smooches!

thalia said...

As for bitching about high school reunions,see my post a while back. You bitch away, sweetie. You're being good and funny with that jealousy.

Lindy said...

Thank god I'm not the only one. I feel like a good 80% of my inner life is taken up with jealous, bitter thoughts.

Manuela said...

Love that... "... rather be a bitch than be boring!" ABsolutely.

Hell... I've been jealous for far less valid reasons than what you describe... I mean... you're practically Mother Theresa by comparison...

Em said...

My jealousy knows no bounds. It's just that people don't get it out there like we do.
If I didn't have my vitvhiness/snarkiness, what would I do?

Alexa said...

Yup. Every time I get Sarah Mawr's irksome college magazine I am good for a few days of flouncing angrily around the apartment seething at the class notes.

tania said...

Being petty and jealous toward former high school classmates just seems like good clean fun to me.
Or if you're like me, you've got a classmate whose former name I won't mention, but whose current name is Alyssa Alps. Do the math there. I'm sure you could google her, but I wouldn't want to see what it would do to your computer...

Yup. The jealousy comes in anywhere. I was jealous when my sister conceived her 1st without trying. Now I'm pissed because they're putting her on clomid. Infertility is MY gig, not hers! Being rational is highly overrated.

T said...

It's just part of the IF joyride - sometimes it's good, sometimes not so much. Enjoy!

I think the only people I haven't been jealous of are the ones that say "I don't want to wind up bitter like her" (meaning me) - yep, I'm good there.

Orodemniades said...

Cut the coffee drinking and add 10 years on the age, and we could be twins!

Anonymous said...

I think it's a command somewhere that you HAVE to be snarky about former classmates.

When my 20 year reunion came I ditched. A friend said, "But I thought you'd want to SHOW them how well you've done?" To which I said, "And they're not worth wasting this good fortune on." I went to Paris instead. Money better spent.

Emily