10/17/2005

Baby Pru/Dude was made in a cup, like soup

Mad props to Lucille Bluth.

A few days after our decision to carry on with IVF, I happened upon a show on the Discovery Channel entitled "Baby Lab". The Discovery Channel, in its attempt to educate, has apparently gotten confused and instead decided to cater to the agenda that chooses to portray ART as an unnatural, entirely synthetic event devoid of any human involvement. Within the first few minutes, statements such as "Brenda and Tom's baby was made in a lab" and "It takes 4 weeks to make a baby via IVF" were uttered without pause. I was shocked that 4 genuine infertile couples consented to be in this show, and I can only hope they did not know the spin that would be applied during editing.

Trust me, there is emotion and a distinctly human role in all of this. I take Metformin three times a day regardless of how horrible it makes me feel so that my body can attempt to function at least a little bit like that of a normal woman. I will be injecting myself with enough medication to make an elephant pregnant with triplets to ensure that I have enough eggs to give me the tiniest hope of reproducing. I have the added benefit of regular wandings, not to mention the times I get to have eggs removed and transferred. Inevitably I will hate everyone during the time I am going through the things on the aforementioned list, and I will tell myself that it is ok to feel that way. I might snap and beat down my co-worker with the crisp-chewing issues (Yes, that again. Can you tell it bothers me?), but I'm entitled.

The Dude would also beg to differ, as he will have to be the recipient of numerous rants and threats of violence because bitch has holes all over her stomach and wants to kick everyone in the crotch just for existing. Additionally, he has to face the pressure of performing on D-Day. Wanking into a cup whilst reading "Big Tits 4 U" is strenuous stuff if he is to be believed. My heart bleeds, it really does.

So yes, there is a human face to IVF. It's not all catheters, microscopes and petri dishes. It is all about pain, sacrifice, and mood swings - all for the elusive baby that is dismissed in a "serious" documentary as being whipped up like a smoothie.

However, I have now been inspired to creating my own Baby Lab. It's missing a good egg, and yes, I've been bitchslapped by the irony. I know I'm just copying other bloggers that have gone before me, but this is just my interpretation of the IVF meds still life genre. Please note the small sperm poised potently beside my beloved Puregon Pen. Yes ladies, I own a plastic sperm.


Eagle-eyed viewers may note the absence of pussaries. Worry not, dear friends, they are soon to follow. The pharmacy at the hospital was fresh out of pussaries, which must mean there are a lot of uncomfortably waxy women about.

13 comments:

elle said...

Honestly, who ARE these fertiles who come up with this stuff? It's insane to be treated like an alien life form. So excited for you that your IVF cycle has arrived! Hoping you & the dude bring it on home!

Manuela said...

WHY is IVF such a prevalent issue in the social consciousness right now? WHY??? And WHY is it alternatively treated as amusing fodder for mass consumption(heeheehaha... mixed up the embryos before transfer... laugh a minute I tell you...) or unnatural science a la Frankenstein. DRIVES ME MENTAL.

Is it because people believe we don't have the right to play an active hand in the creation of life? That medical procedure should have nothing to do with it? That this is unnatural and that we're playing God? Is that what it is? Because if so... then everyone since Mary and her immaculate conception are freaks of nature. I mean... human will should have nothing to do with it, right? Babies should be conceived, brought to term, and delivered by the will of the universe, right? Medical science should have NOTHING TO DO WITH IT... right?

No? Well where the hell do we draw the line... I don't know why I'm so angry about this today... but I sure as hell am...

tania said...

Why don't you give us the email address of the lab techs so we can all send them emails wishing them good luck making your baby instead of wishing you good luck. Because you have nothing to do with it. (thank goodness the Discovery Channel has cleared that up for everyone!)

You did a lovely rendering of the medications you will be taking for 4 weeks in order to make your baby.

Good luck dealing with the chewer!

Lindy said...

"there are a lot of uncomfortably waxy women about"

Laughing very hard at that.

I like your still life. And I must say it all looks terribly well organized. My stash is currently divided between a pile in the egg compartment (ha ha) of my fridge and a crumpled paper grocery bag on the top shelf of my desk.

And stupid discovery channel. I was just commenting on another blog about an episode of "Mystery Diagnosis" that featured PCOS.

T said...

huh - I just saw a show last night on the cuckoo fuckbag RE who had a great donor sperm program - HIMSELF. Bastard also lied to women about their pregnancy tests.

Is it a coincidence that there are so many programs lately?

Holly said...

The irony of it all is that you stuck your meds in what looks like a food processor and I think that rules.

Molly said...

Ah, Pru. You truly are an Artiste.

Now give the Dude an affectionate slap on the ass for me and go eat a frozen banana.

laura said...

I've watched a lot! of horrible baby / birth shows, hoping for a glimmer or reality, a sparkle of truth. Baby Lab is by far, one of the worst I've ever seen. I so look forward to saying, "Hi, I'm Laura, and my baby was made in the Baby Lab." Ugg!

Congrats on getting started, though. I love your "still life" ...

Alexa said...

Grrr. ART sterile/unemotional indeed. Can you think of anything more fraught with raw emotion than a cycle for an infertile? Isn't it fertiles who are going about their daily lives and then come home from the grocery store, take a pregnancy test and Surprise!
I am all giddy with excitement for your upcoming cycle. And mildly disturbed by the plastic sperm.

Panda said...

I found a Year 11 essay handout for Monkey Boy's class yesterday. It calls IUI "artificial insemination" and refers to both IUI and IVF as "artificial reproduction."

I refer to that statement as a value-loaded piece of crap.

What the hell are we teaching kids? There are probably IVF kids in that class.

Artificial indeed. "Oh, sorry litle Jimmy, maybe when you grow up you'll become a REAL boy."

Panda said...

I found a Year 11 essay handout for Monkey Boy's class yesterday. It calls IUI "artificial insemination" and refers to both IUI and IVF as "artificial reproduction."

I refer to that statement as a value-loaded piece of crap.

What the hell are we teaching kids? There are probably IVF kids in that class.

Artificial indeed. "Oh, sorry litle Jimmy, maybe when you grow up you'll become a REAL boy."

thalia said...

Lovely still life, but I'm wondering what the plastic wrapped stuff on the left hand side along the wall is? I don't remember what suppression you're doing so maybe it's that? ANyway it looks a darn site more impressive than my mound of syringes for the buserelin, so count me v jealous.

And where does one get plastic sperm? I want one.

Millie said...

I SOOO want a plastic sperm. How did you get so lucky?

That would go nicely with my knitted uterus and fallopian tubes (not that I actually knitted it but I did see it).