10/13/2005

Pony up bitches, it's IVF time!

And so it is. Confirmation. This woman's reproductive organs are soon to be besieged with numerous medications, the volume of which will be far greater than known previously. Fanfuckingtastic. The final marker of the assisted reproductive trail will commence within two weeks. :::gulp:::

I had appointment with WHYBAML today to discuss the next step, which of course is IVF. I didn't want to waste any more precious time deluding myself with IUIs. Apparently, it costs a couple of hundred pounds to sit at a desk for an hour and sign some release forms. Who knew? Amazingly, and also frighteningly, I will start this gig on the 26th of this month. This is what I wanted, but shit, I thought I'd have at least a month or two to stress over it and question my true desires to be a mother. Now I have to cram this into a couple of weeks. I'm sure I'll manage.

Oh, and for all women whose words I have read regarding failed IVF cycles -- WHYBAML said not to treat your words as gospel, so henceforth I shall sequester myself in the realm of TTC messageboards rather than filling my mind with your evil, cynical thoughts. Instead I will read volumes from people that have wanted to have "babys" since they were children themselves - entries written by women known by nicknames such as "DreamzOfBabys" or "Mom2Shayla".
Inevitably these names are written in a sparkly font, no doubt as the result of liberal sprinklings of babydust. Below each post will be the omnipresent tickers signifying cycles, due dates, ages of children, marriages, deaths, length of time left on mortgages, etc.

If all goes as planned, and I do not assume it will, my 2ww will end about a week before our as-yet-booked trip to visit my family in the States. As WHYBAML said, allowing me just enough time to “get over it.” You know, like you do. Ah, the wisdom of the medical profession. Worry not, WHYBAML has maintained his messianic status with me despite such casual, yet mind-numbingly stupid comments.

This means if I meet up with those other infertiles at the end of December to cluck about understanding partners, not-so understanding partners, ass shots, belly shots, cooter pokings, dildocams and other polite conversation often had by the ladies who lunch, I will either be with zygote, or quite painfully without. It goes without saying that I sincerely hope it is with the former, not with the latter. That way we can go out to dinner and afterwards make a quick trip to Babies R Us, where I can be showered with gifts while sitting on a throne shaped like a uterus. I will wear a crown shaped like a string of cysts, a theme that is well known to me and my “classically” PCOS ovaries.

For those of you close to D.C. please do let me know if you are interested in joining us. I’m talking like I know I will be there, which I don’t, but it would be lovely to meet some of the glorious blogging women that I read so faithfully. Luckily Molly lives in Wisconsin and therefore cannot come. She would surely wear a low-cut top to show off her cleavage, and let’s be honest—we don’t need to see that shit.

17 comments:

Lindy said...

Ooooooh... I'm so tempted to change my flight for our holiday trip to visit my parents so that I could be back in time for the lunch. I just live about an hour away in Baltimore. But I'm not supposed to return until Dec. 30. So tempting!

Since we're each having a bit of a freak out at the thought of our own first IVF cycles, why don't we make a pact to be unflaggingly excited and optimistic for each other if not for ourselves?

DeadBug said...

So the time has come, eh? Well, while I wouldn't wish the IVF process and potential for heartbreak on anyone except Paris Hilton, it also has some very promising statistics. Especially for a farm-fresh spring chicken such as yourself.

And while I am intensely cynical about most things, I am full of optimism for you.

--Bugs

Kim said...

Thanks for the morning giggle. My fingers are crossed for you.

Jenn said...

I'm hoping to be there. I'm about an hour away from DC. If timing goes as planned, me and Manuela should both also be with zygote or painfully without. I'll try not to take up too much room on the uterus throne ;)

PJ said...

Wow, Pru. You're in with the big dogs now. I will wait to hang on your every word during your IVF cycle.

Much luck to you.

Nico said...

Wow! You're starting so soon. Lots of worries to get out of the way in the next two weeks, that's for sure. We're all here for you, so worry away!

Millie said...

Damn. I'm going to be in DC for turkey day but a little further south for those end of the year holidays.

Can I have a sparkly font? You can keep the babydust but I would really love some sparkles.

Wishing you smooth sailing and a uterus throne in your very near future.

thalia said...

I want the sparkles and the flahing signs. Particularly the one that says: "grateful every day for a president that starts the day on his knees". I've always fancied that one.

You are doing a v short protocol it seems if you're done by xmas - are you not doing the CD3 blood, day 21 buserelin, 14 day later stims thing? I'm v jealous.

Molly said...

AAHHHH!!! You'll be in DC for the big infertile luncheon too?!

Seriously. I have never hated the fact that my husband did not choose Georgetown University for his graduate linguistic education more. DAMN YOU, WISCONSIN!!!

(But not your cheese.)

I didn't realize that the cycle was starting so soon! Holy crap!

Well, must go pout into my prodigious cleavage now.

laura said...

I totaly abandoned those message boards well before starting IVF ... the baby dust was starting to accumulate in my throat and lungs, and of course, my doctor said not to take any medications but Tylenol without his approval.

It's probably good you don't have more time to obsess about the upcoming cycle. No time like the present ... Good luck!!

tania said...

Jump on the bandwagon! Welcome to the wonderful world of IVF. May your stay be short.

You aren't by chance taking Repronex or Bravelle? I have some leftovers I would be happy to donate to your cause. Nothing quite like a good shot of menopausal woman pee first thing in the morning to really get your day going!

Why don't you make a side trip to the midwest - I could easily drive to Wisconsin (my home state) from Minnesota to meet up with you and Molly.

Alexa said...

Hrrumph. DC indeed. I agree, come to the Midwest...nothing say "barren" like Minnesota in December, after all! Perhaps Tania, Molly, her Cleavage, and I will have a parallel luncheon.
Anyway, I am all excited for you and your first (and hopefully last) foray into IVF. And as WHYBAML says, don't listen to us cynical bitches--surely women who have yet to master the plural of "baby" are more trustworthy.

Molly said...

Yes! Yes! Parallel Luncheon, Midwest Edition!

I'm loving this, girls.

And Minnesota is my home state as well, so I'm all up for a trip home.

*Pru -- did you know your blog was the perfect place to plan events that your sorry ass won't be invited to?*

:)

zhl said...

Congrats on moving on the big guns. I had my first lupron shot this morning, and it wasn't too bad. Not sure I'll be saying that in a few days, but for all of us just starting I am hoping it all goes well.

(I'm worried about last sentence. Does it sound too much like babydust? Have I been infected? Egads. I hope not.)

Manuela said...

No pithy crap from me today. I'm just weirdly pleased that we'll be cycling together... Between you, Jenn and me... I'm already feeling the bitchy love that only cynical cyclers can share.

And,you know... if the Cheeze Wench can't join us... I think she should send a life-sized effigy in her stead... dontcha think? I bet that boobage of hers ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Anonymous said...

Wishing you luck and wishing I could be in DC in December.

Emily

mm said...

I live in New York but MAY be down thataway in Dec. We'll see. If things go as they seem to be going (down the toilet), I may also be cycling again in Dec. Good luck with your cycle!!