4/10/2008

WWBD? (What would bloggers do)

First of all, thank you all very much for your assurance that I don't completely suck. Phew. I still have my doubts, but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't paranoid and anxious about something. Special thanks to Statia, whom I know I can always count on to give me a virtual slap or two in the face and tell me to snap the fuck out of it. I appreciate her honesty, and all of you others that told me how it is - good or bad.

One of the primary suggestions was something like, "Perhaps if you commented more you selfish, hypocritical bitch" or some such, and I am happy to say that I am working very hard at putting myself out there. I am trying to turn myself into a commenting machine, of course avoiding the trite, just-for-the-sake-of-commenting stuff. I, like some others it seems, am always thinking that I'm not witty enough in comments, but I'm pushing myself to hit "publish" anyway.

I have been trying to find more ::ahem:: "mommy" blogs written by people similar to me, and by that I mean, not conservative, not afraid of the odd swear word or ten, but able to write a sentence. I read some of course, but I seem to gravitate toward bigger bloggers, which is pointless because you're just another avatar in the crowd. I need a bit more give and take than that. I've had the occasional BTB (big time blogger) stop by here, but they leave one comment and piss off. Ha. I guess they don't like what they read. C'est la vie. So anyway, recommendations?

Jumping quickly from blog whoring to sexual harrassment, a segue you are not likely to see today in your blogging travels. Without getting specific about what I'm paid poorly to do, I have to have momentary interactions with coach (buses, Yanks)drivers, which is really most unfortunate. Yesterday, I went to speak to a group of three of them, and was left feeling the most violated I've ever felt. Oh wait, except that time when I was 12 and a homeless guy in his 50s told me he wanted to get me between the sheets. But this was totally the second most violated moment.

You know you're walking into a bad situation when three men collectively have 7 teeth, are each wearing numerous cheap gold chains, and poorly executed tattoos cover their arms. When I approached the group, the oldest, probably in his early 60s, stood a few inches from my face and said, "Oh, you're pretty. I like you." in the skeeviest voice you can imagine. He then stood there for at least another 5 seconds, not saying anything, just staring at my face. I backed up and laughed nervously like the spineless idiot that I am rather than kicking him in his shrivelled, old balls or telling him off.

He said something else mildly offensive, and then proceeded to make an anti-American comment. I laugh off most anti-American comments, because, admittedly, I can understand why they are said in the first place. However, after being harrassed by a lecherous old git, I'm not very receptive to such statements. I said what I needed to say related to work things, and left.

I told the manager of my office (note: not my "boss", as she is far too inept to be referred to as such) which was about as useful as waiting to converse with my sponge later in the evening during my bath instead. I told The Dude last night about the lech and he laughed. He fucking laughed. Oh yes he did. I freaked out, shouted at him, and then gave him the silent treatment for an hour to prove my point like the six year old child I am.

After the silent treatment expired I lectured him on sexual harrassment, making sure he knew that it sucks that women cannot just go about their business in a working day without being visually molested by pervy men. It isn't funny, it's a gross imbalance that pisses me off to no end. Between Dr Titman and this guy, work is a dangerous place.

I phoned the company the pervy bastard works for, and filed a complaint. Too often men with this type of attitude are dismissed as simply having outmoded views, as if that is ok. Apparently, they do not need to change with the times, vestiges of a past era that they are. This is often the excuse for racists and any other variation of bigot, and it's so illogical that I can't believe people still resort to it. Ugh. That's my cerebral, verbose way of summing up my feelings on the matter. Ugh indeed.

I swear The Dude thinks I'm overreacting, though he is acting as if he supports me. I ask you, am I being irrational? Am I one step away from bitching out some guy because he opens a door from me? Am I then letting down the side by using the word bitching in reference to my then-irrational behaviour? Oh, it's all so confusing...

15 comments:

Becky said...

I hear that bitch at Mommy Wants Vodka has a hot ass.

Hmmm...good blogs written by mothers....hmmmm....

Wheels on The Bus is good, shit, hmmmm....

I'll think on it and be back like a bad smell.

nutsinmay said...

Re skeevy coach-driver, you are totally not overreacting. Urgh. You poor woman. Urrrrrrgh. There is no, NO, none, no excuse at all for behaving in a way that intimidates or upsets a person, however funny you thought you were being, however many 'oh well, I'm an old guy, you can't expect me to keep up with the 21st century' excuses you make. Keeping up with the 20th century would be nice.

Ohhh, look at me, all fired up on your behalf. Grr.

No idea about mommy blogs. All the Not Huge And Stellar ones I've found so far have managed to colossally alienate me. Sometimes out of clueless fertility spread about with a trowel (one gem used to whinge regularly about her tragically childless sister's not wanting to baby-sit all the time. She thought as her sister had no kids, she SHOULD LOVE spending time with hers. Lord alone knows what powerful force kept me out of the the comments box on that one. I'm very glad I've wiped the URL from my mind), but mostly out of being badly written and BOOOOORINGLY self-satisfied.

I'm so hard to please.

DD said...

This may be dupes to previous discussions:

Attack of the Redneck Mommy
The Bloggess by Jenny (you'll really like her and she reciprocates)
Mom-O-Matic
Oh, The Joys
Smartypant's Diary
and of course, T.K.O....that bitch can be a hoot or a dead-bore, but she promises to reciprocate as well.

As for your harrassment, you told me yourself that you're no "minger" so you can blame yourself.

OK, not really. I use to work as a bartender at a country club (during my hawt days). The members there were total pervos. I did file a complaint, got an attorney, and argued that I worked in a hostile working environment when the manager refused to do anything. We settled out of court.

calliope said...

I think you did the absolute right thing by filing a complaint. I think in this day & age that most of us modern (heh) women have a pretty good grasp on what is acceptable behavior- both in speech and attitude. And when a line is crossed people need to know that it is not cool.

As for the commenting...I have gotten really effing bad at it. I can't be the supportive commenter that I once was on ttc blogs because it just slays me that I am not actively trying. And sometimes the mommy blogs depress the shit out me. There are a few blogs that manage to balance it all out. Becky's blog (aka commenter #1 here) is one of my top picks. (& I am such a shit commenter there. So bad that I am scared she will hunt me down and smack me!) But I do love her. You hear that biatch? LOVE!

I also really adore Birch & Maple, Misfit Motherhood, and Bri at Unwellness transitioned beautifully between stages of ttc, through her pregnancy and writes so honestly about being a Mother.

When I have a kid I promise to be a good Mommy blogger too. pinky swear.

xo

statia said...

Well, at least you know I still love you and read your blog. I figured you'd appreciate my non sugar coated ass.

electriclady said...

Man. I work in a rather PC, women-dominated industry so sometimes I forget how piggish the world at large can be. Then I'll go out for lunch (like yesterday) and some random toothless guy croons "Sek-sy Chineeeeeeeese" at me and I want to vomit.

Re: mommy blogs, I don't know, all the ones I stumble across seem to blow sunshine and rainbows all the time. I know I veer in that direction on occasion myself, but I can't take it. Plus they make their bald girl babies wear those horrible headbands, which I cannot countenance.

Isabel said...

So glad you complained at work.

Once I had to alert manager/owners that they were financially liable for their employee's harassment suits. It worked. It was the only thing that ever worked to stop this kind of problem at that workplace. Well, it didn't stop, but it became 'frowned upon.'

DrSpouse said...

I think you'd like GeePeeMama and BelgianWaffle...

PiquantMolly said...

I'm appalled that your asshole of a "manager" didn't take your complaint seriously. Do you think you are sometimes taken less seriously as an American -- people think you're overreacting or being too politically correct or something?

Whatever. Those assholes.

The Town Criers said...

You are not over-reacting. I think men just don't get how skivy behaviour leads to what ifs in the mind of a woman. Skivy behaviour makes the hairs stand on end for me not just because I feel objectified but because the what ifs start churning in my head--albeit perhaps as a sign of my paranoia, but still.

Anonymous said...

I don't have the time to read anymore, much less comment! I miss bloggy friends though. Also, there is something different about blogging once the kids finally come (hope they do for everyone) - we go back to our "normal" lives. Maybe we don't have as much in common anymore? Maybe. I'm not sure.

I got hit on in a scary way by an old drunk man the other day.I had the Bear with me and out came the Mom Mojo. He knew by the look in my eyes that I could kick his fat drunk ass. It was awesome.

FQ

Helen said...

I had almost the exact thing happen to me two years ago - I got skeevy comments from a total tosser. I was furious. Angus shrugged it off. Cue screaming match in the car from me. I filed a complaint against skeevy comment guy. I won. Angus still doesn't get the hubbub, but too fucking bad - complain till you no longer feel the need to scrub your skin off.

May said...

I, too, am glad you stuck up for yourself. And I always pretend to be Canadian when I'm abroad. Works like a charm.

I'm going to look at the blogs your other commenters recommended. Thanks for writing this post-- like I wasn't far enough behind with Bloglines already! I need to find a new direction for my blog now that I can't count on the drama created by my near death experiences as I attempted to bear children.

Rachel said...

It's funny - as much as we all like to think we're sooooooo individual and soooooo different, once you cross the line from Aspiring Mommy to Actual Mommy, it's all poop and barf from there. And while my Pweshus Angel is of course the cutest/smartest/awesomest thing on the planet, I admit that not everyone agrees. And I can only write about how hilarious or maddening (often both at once) Jillian is before even MY eyes glaze over and I start to think about other things like grocery lists and whether or not I should mop the kitchen floor.

Short answer? Most mommy blogs are boring as hell.

Defiantmuse said...

I was felt up on a coach once from London to Southampton....just a pervy passenger though, not the driver.

and re: commenting, etc. I feel you. Is it just me or does the blogging world sometimes feel like a popularity contest??? I look at some of my friends with the 30+ comments and I think, "what the fuck, dude?". And most of the comments are witty and show just how far up each other's ass these people get....but...yeah....I tend to avoid that whole scene but then I wonder why only a handful of people ever comment on my blog...lol.