Drive-by part deux: Everyone is pregnant but you


I need to stop working, I really do. There are only 5 other people in my office, yet this is the primary source of the seemingly constant drive-bys in my life at the moment. I mentioned two the other day, and today provided quite a kick in the ovaries as well.

Co-worker 1: Do you want to see another picture of a baby belonging to someone you don't know and couldn't care less about?

Me: Sure. I would like nothing more than to see the product of God's illustrious bounty for everyone but me (and some bloggers).

:::Picture is shown. Baby is...baby-like. Small. Sleeping::::

Me: Oh.

Co-worker 1: It's my cousin's mechanic's dentist's daughter. She got pregnant accidentally and the father isn't around. She was going to abort it, but then decided that since she's 41 that this opportunity was not likely to present itself again. Isn't that fabulous? Go her.

Me: For fuck's sake.

This same co-worker also provided this gem:

C0-worker 1: You know Linda, right? The fat infertile that works in Department X? Well, she just had a baby. She had some...:::whispers:::: trouble and had to have :::barely audible noise::: IVF. It's no wonder really, she's a big girl. Can you imagine?

Me: Me? Pfft. No. No way. I'm as fertile as a clam.

Please tune in tomorrow, whereby a 55 year old woman with no ovaries somehow connected to someone in my office will also be besieged with baby dust and become pregnant.


K said...

Being more than a tad bit chubby, I will slap the woman for the comment about the fat girl doing IVF. Then, slap her upside the head for showing lame baby pictures of people you don't care about.

I could see the same photo over and over and I wouldn't know because I've stopped actually looking at those photos. I'm sorry the people you work with are asswipes!

Julie said...

I'm laughing because you're so witty, even though, sadly, what you say is so true. Sorry.

Molly said...

Jesus Christ, Pru! Where the fuck do you work, a fucking *Baby Dust* Factory?!

Incidentally, I hope that you actually said "For fuck's sake" to that ho.

Lindy said...

I really do hope that at least your side of that conversation was portrayed with complete accuracy.

Geeze Louise.

cat said...

Goddamn that's annoying... yet somehow you still make it funny. Those baby dust fairies need to be kidnapped and tortured.

Manuela said...

Oh, for crying out loud... why not find out what her weak spot is and lob a drive-by in her general direction... sometimes revenge is the only solution.

tania said...

When you looked at the picture of the baby did you say "ooohhh..... kind of ugly, huh?"

I did that to somebody once when they were showing me pictures of somebody's baby I didn't know. I think they got a bit offended. tee hee hee.

mm said...

Assholes who make comments like these should be dipped in egg batter, rolled in Baby Dust then gently dropped in a cast iron skillet full of boiling oil.... whereby they become Fertile Fritters and should be served with a nice Merlot.

Julie said...

Fertile Fritters. LMAO

Anonymous said...

Aw for fuck's sake...41 was bad enough, but she's a 'big girl' and that's why she um, had trouble? You need to beat these people with a bat. Seriously. It might knock some sense into them.



Susie said...

God, how utterly annoying. Fuck them all. I say you should be as rude as you want, sounds like they lack some serious social skills.

Dooneybug said...

For FUCK'S SAKE indeed. Fucking drive-byers.

Vacant Uterus said...


My response: (very sweetly) How's YOUR diet going by the way? You're not on a diet? (pretend confusion) Oh, sorry. No, no, it's just that I could have sworn you were and all I could think was "Good for her for realizing she didn't need to eat the donuts in the break room."

or: I thought that was your broom out there in your parking space.

amyesq said...

Oh, evil lady from hell. And damn, if one must do IVF because one is a little large, then 1/2 the women in the US would need it! Maybe then insurance would cover it. Probably still not, though.

Alexa said...

...And everyone knows how fertile clams are, those sluts.

There is a woman in my office who sits across from me who has looked ready to give birth for 4 months now--I am beginning to think she never will, choosing to stay vastly pregnant forever simply to torment me.

erinberry said...

Do you read the blog The Naked Ovary? She had some excellent knock-knock jokes the other day, like:

Knock, knock.
Everyone but you.

Bitter, hilarious, and sadly true. At least for me, having found out about three pregnancies in the last six days.

thalia said...

I did this to myself, but just had the pleasure of catching the TV prog about the 40 year old ex-lesbian pregnant for the second time in two years, this time with triplets. Yaay.

Ova Girl said...

Sometimes you need to pull out a polaroid of *insert evil image here* and announce..."And now, look what I made!"

MC said...

I think we work at the same place, it's fertility fun at my work place too.