Motherfucker.
I need to stop working, I really do. There are only 5 other people in my office, yet this is the primary source of the seemingly constant drive-bys in my life at the moment. I mentioned two the other day, and today provided quite a kick in the ovaries as well.
Co-worker 1: Do you want to see another picture of a baby belonging to someone you don't know and couldn't care less about?
Me: Sure. I would like nothing more than to see the product of God's illustrious bounty for everyone but me (and some bloggers).
:::Picture is shown. Baby is...baby-like. Small. Sleeping::::
Me: Oh.
Co-worker 1: It's my cousin's mechanic's dentist's daughter. She got pregnant accidentally and the father isn't around. She was going to abort it, but then decided that since she's 41 that this opportunity was not likely to present itself again. Isn't that fabulous? Go her.
Me: For fuck's sake.
This same co-worker also provided this gem:
C0-worker 1: You know Linda, right? The fat infertile that works in Department X? Well, she just had a baby. She had some...:::whispers:::: trouble and had to have :::barely audible noise::: IVF. It's no wonder really, she's a big girl. Can you imagine?
Me: Me? Pfft. No. No way. I'm as fertile as a clam.
Please tune in tomorrow, whereby a 55 year old woman with no ovaries somehow connected to someone in my office will also be besieged with baby dust and become pregnant.
17 comments:
I'm laughing because you're so witty, even though, sadly, what you say is so true. Sorry.
Jesus Christ, Pru! Where the fuck do you work, a fucking *Baby Dust* Factory?!
Incidentally, I hope that you actually said "For fuck's sake" to that ho.
I really do hope that at least your side of that conversation was portrayed with complete accuracy.
Geeze Louise.
Goddamn that's annoying... yet somehow you still make it funny. Those baby dust fairies need to be kidnapped and tortured.
Oh, for crying out loud... why not find out what her weak spot is and lob a drive-by in her general direction... sometimes revenge is the only solution.
Assholes who make comments like these should be dipped in egg batter, rolled in Baby Dust then gently dropped in a cast iron skillet full of boiling oil.... whereby they become Fertile Fritters and should be served with a nice Merlot.
Fertile Fritters. LMAO
Aw for fuck's sake...41 was bad enough, but she's a 'big girl' and that's why she um, had trouble? You need to beat these people with a bat. Seriously. It might knock some sense into them.
Crap.
Emily
God, how utterly annoying. Fuck them all. I say you should be as rude as you want, sounds like they lack some serious social skills.
For FUCK'S SAKE indeed. Fucking drive-byers.
Wow...
My response: (very sweetly) How's YOUR diet going by the way? You're not on a diet? (pretend confusion) Oh, sorry. No, no, it's just that I could have sworn you were and all I could think was "Good for her for realizing she didn't need to eat the donuts in the break room."
or: I thought that was your broom out there in your parking space.
Oh, evil lady from hell. And damn, if one must do IVF because one is a little large, then 1/2 the women in the US would need it! Maybe then insurance would cover it. Probably still not, though.
...And everyone knows how fertile clams are, those sluts.
There is a woman in my office who sits across from me who has looked ready to give birth for 4 months now--I am beginning to think she never will, choosing to stay vastly pregnant forever simply to torment me.
Do you read the blog The Naked Ovary? She had some excellent knock-knock jokes the other day, like:
Knock, knock.
WHO'S THERE?
Pregnant.
PREGANT WHO?
Everyone but you.
Bitter, hilarious, and sadly true. At least for me, having found out about three pregnancies in the last six days.
I did this to myself, but just had the pleasure of catching the TV prog about the 40 year old ex-lesbian pregnant for the second time in two years, this time with triplets. Yaay.
Sometimes you need to pull out a polaroid of *insert evil image here* and announce..."And now, look what I made!"
I think we work at the same place, it's fertility fun at my work place too.
Post a Comment