...It's bombed out and depleted. First person to tell me correctly where that line is from (though slightly modified to suit my own needs) gets a free shot in the ass with the drug of their choice. Keep it legal though, I have to maintain some sense of decorum here.
Week one of Metformin has proven to be largely uneventful, despite the daily presence of nausea. It's bizarre though...rather than a constant block of nausea, it comes in waves. One minute I'm ready to lay flat on the floor at work and allow death to take over, and the next I'm back to my sending-private-emails-from-work, hating-my-colleague's-infernal-crisps-chomping self. I'm not complaining, because I'd much rather it be that way than feeling upchucky all the time. However, Metformin did deprive me of my usual enjoyment of the absolutely divine Chinese food from the restaurant down the street on Friday night. I get so little pleasure out of life at the moment, and Met just could not let me savour my Beef with ginger and spring onions without driving me to the sofa in nausea-induced agony. Cheers.
I've been doing some thinking lately, and yes, my head does hurt. This thinking has lead me to the full acknowledgement that I am indeed royally fucked up in the head. As you well know, I anticipated starting IVF this month prior to Dr WHYBAML's arrival from the heavens on his trusty white steed. Though the first notion of IVF terrified me, I quickly warmed to the idea as much as someone in my position could. Once Dr WHYBAML suggested trying one last thing before moving on to IVF I was...wait for it...a bit disappointed.
There are a couple of reasons for this. Primarily, IVF has a higher success rate than yet another IUI and mama is sick of disappointment. I'm not entirely convinced that IUI is not an utter waste of time, but as I am now on a new medicinal regimen, I'll give Dr WHYBAML the benefit of the doubt. Who knows, maybe this one will work and I'll have to endlessly praise the procedure that is IUI and apologise to it for all the nasty things that I have said about it. There, there IUI...you know I love you.
Here comes the bit that my infertility-wracked brain should not confess to. One of my first instincts about a sans-IVF treatment was that this somehow would affect my street cred. You know, like I haven't really suffered enough without having done IVF. It's likely to all be in my head, but I view the whole situation as an invisible IF strata. At the beginning, there is Clomid. In the middle, there is IUI. At the end, there is IVF. There are stages within each stratum, each carrying their own significance and all one step closer for being, in the words of the Wharvey Gals, bonafide.
When I first started reading blogs, I had just started a cycle for IUI 1. I felt as if I had been through so much already, IF neophyte that I was, and still am. I started reading blogs of women that have had numerous IVFs and realised how little I had to complain about at my relatively early stage of IF treatment. I'm simply flirting with IVF 1 I don't know how those women do it time and time again.
Naturally I'm not saying I want IVF, but what if this IUI works? I will feel like an IF lightweight. I recently read on someone's blog (apologies that I cannot remember whose) that her brother and sister-in-law recently conceived by IUI, though they kept telling people it was IVF. They got their treatments confused, rather than having some sort of need to prove themselves to IF bloggers LIKE SOME PEOPLE (uh, me). Anyway, said blogger was really annoyed at this lack of distinction, and I completely understood. I found it really irritating that people were passing of this momentary, one time cooter catheter experience with the grueling investment that is IVF. So here I am, on the cusp of IUI 4 feeling as if I have something to prove. The human psyche is an odd, odd beast.
Going off the path slightly, I shall conclude with a rather light-hearted tidbit of information. Thanks to a comment left by Julie, I had my first search for "slimy slit" the other day. I am pleased to say that I am first on google for that search, and the company which I keep is...well...colourful.