Full steam ahead

Despite not knowing when we will have our IVF consultation, I went ahead and ordered a lovely information pack from the clinic we will patronise. Amazing how you can go to a website, type in your address, and have an outline and price list of your reproductive future sent to you within a couple of days. Technology, eh?

Despite its good reputation, I am somewhat annoyed by the clinic's choice of logo. As Jen discussed the other day, what the hell is it with fertility services and cheesy, overabundant fertility imagery? This clinic's primary logo is a Grecian relief of a mother cradling a baby, surrounded by two older children. I'm sure they are trying to send the message, "Look infertiles, this could be you!", and perhaps there are those out there that grin stupidly and believe this could be them with the intervention of said clinic. I look at it and think it's rather offensive imagery. To me, they are underlining my barrenness and making it more pronounced, parading she of bounteous fertility in front of she of nonexistent fertility.

What if this pictorial promise of fertility is all for naught? It turns from "This could be you!" to "This could have been you. Ooops. Sorry." A couple of years from now am I going to pick up this expensive portfolio they have sent, cut out each image of this prolific ancient Fertile and burn them whilst shouting, "Suck it you fertile Greek bitch!" ?

I will say this for the place though...their website indicates that it isn't just white people that are infertile. They dare to suggest that it is a plague that affects those of other ethnicities as well. Granted, this is in the form of a gorgeous black woman that looks about 20 laughing and cavorting with her equally beautiful child. Oh, the glories of fertility! See the bounty it can bring!

I won't mention the name of this London-based clinic rather consumed with images of fertility, but I would be interested in hearing where UK readers will go/have gone for IVF treatment. Please drop me an email if you have any forewarnings or praise for the place you have gone or will go. I don't want to spend £3K-£4K to just waste my time.

Now on to one of my favourite topics...being evil. I took a test on Vanilla's website to ascertain how evil I really am. Some of you might be surprised to learn that I am apparently only 26% evil, which shocks the hell out of me. I was aiming for at least a 70% and this is what I get.

However, I think my genuine evilness greatly transcends my hypothetical evilness. Take this for example - A male friend of mine has been dating a woman for just over a year. He is nearly 35 and she will soon turn 40. Today he tells me that they have talked at great length about having children, with no hint of concern as to whether this will be possible. Not only is this woman pushing 40, but she is also quite overweight. From a fertility standpoint, I would say it doesn't look good without a little help.

The very evil thing is, I felt a bit smug as he was telling me this. He was talking about it as if it would come about with such ease and I felt as if I knew a secret he did not. Poor naive man, assuming such things always go to plan. It wasn't pity for his naiveté that I was feeling either but frustration at his ignorance. I think I'm certainly yearning for things to be complicated for them just so I can feel better about my own situation. That's gotta be at least 50% evil on its own.

Anyway, I'm being cruel to myself for no reason. I'm sure she'll be accidentally knocked up in a few months, everyone will be ecstatic, and I will be wrong. Business as usual.


Dramalish said...

"Suck it, you fertile Greek bitch" is now my favorite saying of all TIME.

I seriously laughed so hard it scared my cats.

Thanks for making me smile today.


Molly said...

I KNOW! I was only 22% evil and horribly disappointed (though, I must admit, not that surprised. The only thing that helped me out was my fucking prolific swearing). I'm just too wussy to do anything truly evil. But I will make fun of "Oops, I get pregnant just from standing near my husband!" bitches right along with you.

PJ said...

Thanks for stopping by Pru. I was very surprised to learn that your evility (?) was only at 26%. It makes me feel very evil at 38%.

I know what you mean when people start talking about having kids and they think it'll be super easy and no problem. I feel like sitting them down for a nice lecture on infertility. But then I think, they'll be pregnant in no time and I'll still be sitting out here looking in. Infertility sucks!

Jen said...

I'm only 37% evil, and again, I would have seen myself as being firmly over the evil line. I guess since it only really talks about deeds, and not thoughts, it doesn't take into account a person's true capacity for evil.

I'm seriously thinking about handing out cards that say "Fertility declines after 35...so don't wait!" But you're right--that's nice, not evil, and therefore not in keeping with my intentions.

Best of luck with Babies R Us...er, your clinic.

amyesq said...

HAHA! I am wayyy more evil than you. And I also look at women who have been duped by TV, movies, etc. into thinking they can have kids at any time and think: "hmm... how soon they will learn..."

thalia said...

I'm going to the Hammersmith, since we were originally referred there on the NHS. They currently have the highest IUI success rates in the country, but for the last published data (2000) their IVF results are not good. I haven't yet asked the doc why. In Tatler's list last week one of the docs there was the one to go to for fertility issues, so who knows.

I'm intrigued to know where you are going. They don't seem to have such glossy material!

LEB said...

We're self funded so only really looked at private clinics (less waiting) - we narrowed it down to the Bridge Centre, the Lister & ARGC. Decided to go for ARGC in the end - they & the Lister have got by far the best IVF results in the country but ARGC has a rep for taking on complicated cases & is marginally cheaper that the Lister (they have an 8 week wait ofr consult though).

Anonymous said...

I wonder how much stress is a factor in not getting pregnant at 35+ and how much negative propaganda enforces this. For some it's easy as pie to get knocked up at 35+, for others not. Why propagate only the problematic side ?

Good luck, and some alternative thinking/looking, in getting what you wish, if you haven't already.