I am just a big bowl of wrong

I have been comment-dodging a lot lately, because I don't think I have anything of note to say. Lots of the bloggers I read have much going on with them at the moment, but my comments generally consist of, "Fingers crossed", "Wishing you luck" and various other trite sentiments at which most bloggers probably roll their eyes.

My reasons behind such lame comments are not because I don't care, or lack of general creativity. I'll tell you what it is...I'm a complete imposter. As long as I've been on this happy trail of infertility, I have consciously avoided learning much about infertility itself. I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, so I'm not able to learningly chime in, "Oh, x number of fertilised eggs is good/bad/other". I'm sure much of this is as a result of yet experiencing the immense joy that is IVF, but I'm otherwise ignorant on the infertility front as well. Girl doesn't even know what a beta is. I know multiplying of beta numbers is good, but increases in things usually are positive signs.

"The information is at your fingertips you dumb bitch!" you shout. "Dr Google is always in!" someone in the back screams. I know this, but to be perfectly honest, I don't want to know. Prior to the Clomid nightmare I charted my temps, as if that ever bloody works. I gave up after a month, because there are so many extenuating factors that make that method worthless. While I was charting I obsessively took notes in my little fertility journal (ha!), furiously scribbling down any unique occurrences. I read information online, attempting to bring all of my notes into one cohesive unit so that I could make sense of it all. Alas, I couldn't, and alas, here I am.

I think further pursuit of the details of infertility treatments would do no favours for my already obsessive personality. Besides, I don't have room in my brain for all of this extraneous information. I've got to cram all this art history crap into it, so I can't be ruminating on the nuances of my reproductive system. I already know it does what it wants. These ovaries listen to no man, or GLCP. That's enough knowledge for me.

For those of you that scroll right by my bland comments, I do apologise. When it is my IVF time, I'll try to brush up on my embryo talk so I know what the hell people are talking about when they leave comments on my own blog. If I were to get pregnant though, leave the beta out of it. I would just be thinking of those pretty little fish that only survive in shallow bowls.


Molly said...

Pru, you can post as dumb of shit as you'd like on my blog. Like you, I'm a comment whore, so I take what I can get. ;)

Seriously though -- I'm sure you'll hit the books when the time comes. I'm glad you've found that you can find some things to not obsess about. That would be nice.

Suz said...

I charted for all of four days before deciding that it was just too much work. Besides, a freezing piece of plastic is the last thing I want in my mouth (or anywhere) at 6am in the morning.

You know, I didn't know how important those "fingers crossed" comments were until the IVF went down the crapper. Pitiful, maybe, but I hung onto every one like the last ring-ding in the box.

DeadBug said...

Sweetheart, you don't ever need to feel like an impostor. You've dealt with a ton of shit already, whether or not you want to cram your head with every detail and nuance of the possible IVF road ahead.

And I would never skip past comments, just because they're not informative novels. Letting someone know you're thinking of them is always appreciated.

Best to you,


Anonymous said...

Hon, your comments are always appreciated this way. Don't feel like an imposter, just dealing with this shit gives everyone an honorary PhD.



Anonymous said...

Y'know what? Back in the day I learned as much as possible.

A few years down the road and I have tried to forget as much as possible.

I suspect that should I ever actually get any, y'know, 'infertility treatment' I'll have to brush up agin. So no worries on the big bowl of wrong, I've already stolen a cup from the pot meself. But, eh, don't tell anyone, yeah?

Birch and Maple

amyesq said...

Amen! I am a comment whore myself, so a plain ole' "HI!" gets me all in a tizzy. I do know what you mean, though. Sometimes I feel like a dork b/c I don't want to respond with my own bad experiences. "Hey! That's just what happened with me and ...oh yeah... and I didn't get pregnant. But that doesn't mean YOU won't!" Just doesn't have a good ring to it, y'know?

Pamplemousse said...

Sometimes you don't need to know what is going on or about betas and embryos. Like Suz and Bugs said, a comment across the ether lets you know you are not on your own.

Nico said...

I also don't post comments that often, mostly because it seems like everyone else says what needs to be said so much better than I can. But I'm a religious reader!! (of your blog, that is)