This here cooter is bad news

Seriously, my girl parts are very naughty indeed. They have severe disciplinary problems and minds of their own, the whimsy of which I am not privy to. Picture this, if you will...Here I am Monday afternoon, frantically tip tapping away on a paper that is due by midnight. I go to the bathroom, and lo and behold, someone has not been listening to the body clock that dictates this as day 19 of my cycle. Communication girl parts, communication!! Basically, this is my lengthy way of saying that for some bizarre reason, I was spotting. As it turns out a proper period did not occur, but still...spotting on day 19?? I'm completely baffled as to the cause of this. I keep telling myself my body is confused, given all the drugs it has been filled with and the random times I've had my periods induced. Any brilliant ideas, or is a heart to cooter talk in order?

So I've got cooter miscommunication issues and The Dude is mad at me. I'm doing well here. It seems I'm too negative, who guessed?!?! I am, apparently, shall we say...a bit of a downer. Yup, that about sums it up. I tried to be non-negative in defense of myself, but it quickly descended into a negativity spiral. I maintained that this is who I am, always have been, always will be, and then the funniest thing came out of The Dude's mouth: "You're not as negative as you think you are. You keep up this facade of extreme negativity to make yourself more interesting." It was all I could do not to crotch punch him. Apparently negativity is my schtick. I do this for the laughs. I am the Janeane Garafalo of the expat, infertile community. If I would have known this was a gimmick, I'd have asked for money.


Molly said...

Oh damn it. Sorry Pru. Life is not too hot for you lately, is it?

At least you have some supremely sexy new shoes.

deborah said...

Your cooter ain't misbehavin'...she's simply befuddled. I had a couple of weird cycles myself after a round or two of injectibles.

And if it were me, The Dude definitely would have gotten that crotch punch!

Julie said...

time for a heart to cooter talk. That is unacceptable.

Next time the Dude wants to comment, stick one of your IM needles in his ass and ask him to be positive about it.

PJ said...

I'm with Julie about the needle in the arse.

Hang in there. I have PCOS too and my cycle was MIA for 60 days then I bitch slapped it in the mouth with some provera and she got in to place, albeit only for that cycle so in the end she won. But, I was hoping to have an uplifting post for you and I failed. Maybe it's all apart of my schtick too because being negative makes us like magnets to people. We're the cool kids at the lunch table.

Anyhoo, enough rambling, give that cooter a kick in the arse (is that even possible?) Nevermind, I don't wanna know.

Enjoy the weekend.

Pamplemousse said...

Sorry for all the cooter negativity going round. Perhaps the Dude needs some malfunctioning cooter perspective to focus on. On second thoughts, go with the needle in the arse!

Jen said...

You know, the other day my horoscope told me that I may want to "freak out," but I should remember that I am amiable and entertaining. As my husband astutely told me, no one wants to hear they're entertaining when they're freaking out. Sounds like your husband didn't realize that.

Sorry about the weird spotting. That can't be fun.

And we all love you, negative or not.

amyesq said...

"Right hon, I must have just forgot how much FUN I am having with this whole shooting myself in the ass thing. Thanks so much for reminding me!"

Stupid Beautiful said...

The word "Cooter" is bad news, period. Why can't people stick to the staples? Four cheers for pussy, cunt, box and the good old fashioned vagina.