2/02/2005

Workin' those polycystic ovaries

Today I had my first wand monkey (cheers to whoever has come up with this fab term btw) appointment since early December. My precious ovaries had to take a month off due to the business of the holidays and the overall hecticness of being ovaries. Awww bless.

I hate these appointments at the best of times, and paired with the anticipation of the work day from hell I was in a rather anxious state. I was already crying when I was dropped off at the hospital by The Dude, and I choose to blame this on work stress and my injections. I don't cry before every appointment I may add as they are second nature to me now. I simply was not in the mood to be prodded and the thought of having to sit there and discuss my ovaries, follicles, injections, etc. with anyone outside the blog world lead me to consider skipping the appointment.

I find these appointments stressful due to the pressure of having cleanly shaven legs, good-smelling feet, and a well-kept, tidy whatsit. These things are especially an issue when you are a woman with PCOS and sensitive skin. PCOS has graced me with dark, insanely fast growing body hair which in conjunction with my translucent skin are quite damning physical attributes. Add to this my predisposition to razor burn and you've got yourself a complete mess when the trousers come off. Lovely. I wanted to excuse the state of well...my entire physical being really, to Good Lady Cooter Poker but wagered that I would then feel really embarrassed if she made an effort to convince me that I am normal after all.

GLCP has a trainee GLCP who was fortunate enough to wave the wand with me today. Original GLCP asked beforehand if I minded having trainee GLCP have a bit of work experience, which I had no issue with. I once had an appointment with a high-profile male fertility "expert", who managed to crowd about 3 male med students into the room during an ultrasound, so I'm all for a little ultrasound cooter party. I say, the more the merrier! The absence of party hats, confetti, and perhaps some of those noise makers eliminate some of the fun, so that's something to remember for next time.

Once the ultrasound commenced, I discovered that I am the proud owner of a textbook-perfect case of PCOS. Yes, yes...please ladies, try to keep that envy under control. I knew my ovaries were gifted, but I had no idea they were supermodels. Original GLCP told Trainee to capture some photos of my little Gisele wannabes to "give to the doctors, because they are always looking to illustrate what PCOS really looks like". I'm swelling with pride as I type this. The funniest part of this whole exchange was the fact that Original GLCP was beaming at me the whole time, as if I am supposed to be genuinely pleased by this revelation. Never mind that I am there to see how my follicles are developing in the hopes that I will get pregnant. I don't get any positivity there, only confirmation of how perfectly abnormal my ovaries are. Thanks wand monkey, I needed that extra boost of confidence! Jesus...it's no wonder I blog to work through all of this.

Random note--while spellchecking this the recommendation for PCOS was Pecos. I find that really funny. Just me then?

3 comments:

Molly said...

That sucks. I'm so sorry about your "textbook-perfect" case. And she has to be beaming when she tells you?! Whore.

I'm with you on the hair removal thing. For my pap smear on Monday I was shaved, trimmed, and plucked like you wouldn't believe. A few things that help me: Bikini Zone, a gel that helps to quell the razor burn bumps - check it out at http://www.dermstore.com/product_Bikini+Zone+Gel_82.htm
Also -- I use the Veet razorless shave kit for my bikini line. If a razor goes anywhere near the crotchal area, I'm doomed to have painful, itchy red bumps for weeks.

DeadBug said...

That sounds insanely frustrating. What's the next step? Do you have a plan yet?

Well, I suppose on the bright side that having a textbook case means at least you know exactly what the problem is, no need to be in that godawful "unexplained" category.

--Bugs

Hans the Destroyer said...

I feel a little odd typing to someone I don't even know about something I don't know anything about... But I guess that's the general nature of blogs. I'm sorry about your textbook perfect case, but as the other poster said, at least you know what precisely is the issue at hand- which in my opinion is probably better than uncertainty.