It was my turn to get up with P on Sunday morning, and I did the most lazy of things - I turned on the devil box. P was most pleased and rather giddy at the notion of being able to watch BabyTV, and this gave me the chance to prepare our breakfasts. After we had eaten, I tried to cajole her into playing with toys whilst I deftly changed the channel. To Maury. Yes, you heard correctly. Maury.
It gets worse. P noticed my bold malfeasance, pointed at the television, and started crying, "Noooo! Nooo!!", to which I replied, "But P, Mummy wants to watch Maury!"
People, I kept it on Maury as well, despite my child's cries. I wanted, nay, needed to watch yet another Maury on paternity results.
So the bad parenting count within this incident is manifold:
1st infraction: I let her watch TV early on a Sunday morning when I should be singing nursery rhymes like "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" with accompanying baby signs.
2nd infraction: I turned the channel on her and subjected her to a shitty talk show about baby daddies, full of shouting people.
3rd infraction: Despite her numerous protestations, I left Maury on and watched the nonsense when she deserved my full attention.
Yikes. The sad thing is, you don't know the half of it people. If you thought the Maury situation was bad, I guess I shouldn't mention the floor eating. Ahem. That's a story for another day.
All P is missing here is a cigarette dangling out of the corner of her mouth and three broken down pickups in the yard bolstered by cinderblocks. I guess it's no surprise I let her watch television and then change it to Maury, is it?
20 comments:
What I want to know is this: when is my child too old to be in the room while I watch Jon Stewart?
Well, it wasn't Jerry Springer...that's somethin'.
You mean I can't let Graeme watch Montel when Sylvia Browne is on? Damn.
You forgot the ultimate accessory for P in all of her trailer park glory ... a pregnant belly and three kids hangin off her hip.
Floor eating is par for the course at our house. Today the babysitter said, J, you threw the bagel on the floor and now you can't eat it, and he looked at her like she was crazy. Didn't you know I always eat things off the floor?
I love that photo. You could have some real fun with photoshop with that one.
Um, if this is what it takes to be a bad mommy then CPS is surely after my ass as we speak.
I let my daughter watch Blue's Clues so much that she thinks the potty is her "Thinking Chair".
Husband has been known to watch Cops while I'm giving BG her dinner just a few feet away. No, the baby isn't actually WATCHING Cops, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.
What I want to know is how the hell you do anything besides snack on that delicious little tummy all day. Mmmmmm, baby tummy. Or perhaps it is just I who is presently obsessed with the taste of small baby flesh...
When the Prawn was about a month old, we watched "The Departed" in the same room where she was sleeping. There are more F words per square meter in that film than you'd find in the middle of the Bronx. That, and it was the loudest film ever with someone dying from a gunshot wound to the head roughly every 5 minutes. Nowadays, I pretty much let her play with whatever she wants if she'll stop shouting for 5 minutes as long as it isn't actually dangerous. I caught her last week chewing on a condom box that she'd fished out of the cardboard recycling bin. Oh, the irony.
We are AWESOME parents.
Heh.
I'm impressed you can watch anything other than baby tv. Mine go apeshit if I turn on a channel other than Noggin.
LOL...if that's the worst...
I'm calling Child Services on you.
Was it a paternity test results one? Those are Alex's favorite. I think he likes the shrieking.
I mean...
Shit.
My then two-year-old niece and I once sat cheerfully together on the sofa watching Red Dwarf for an entire evening, eating crisps by the metric tonne, when, technically, she should have been in bed. I did sprint-ladle her into her crib at just the point when her mama's car drew up outside, and bless the child, but she lay down at once and nodded off. Ahh, but she' her auntie's girl. Even if she did spend the next month shouting 'SMEG!' at everything that moved and nearly convinced her mama that she had learnt to read by staring too hard at the grand-parents' designer fridge... Oh, and the crisps made an unfortunate reappearance the next morning, causing extreme nappy blow-out. But I promise they were salt-free.
Heigh ho. When it comes to bad parenting, start early and get some practice in, I say.
P looks ready to head out with Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
So jealous that you're watching Ricki Lake today.
Did she leave the pabst blue ribbon can in the other room?
As long as she ends up a Johnny Cash fan, you will be doing fine.
Oh and btw... you have been tagged:
http://misfitmotherhood.blogspot.com/2008/02/six-six-six.html
There is absolutely nothing wrong with Maury. I subjected my wee tot to him at an even earlier age, as I watched him in the middle of the night, every night, while nursing Isabella.
http://interruptedwanderlust.blogspot.com/2006/11/maury-and-me.html
PS: That picture rocks.
Maury...there some educational subject in that show right?
I think you should post a confessional, where everyone is invited to share their bad parenting moments. I feel so guilty all the time!
The Bear spends about two hours a day in his high chair, watching the Sprout channel. It
is the only way I can get anything done.
My father watched GODFATHER 2 with him while babysittting! Now that I wouldn't have done.
Whoever confessed about the Departed above, I think at that age they are pretty clueless about TV. I hope anyway.
-FQ
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