1/21/2006

Miscellanea

Rather than do separate posts that will either be too short to really say much of anything, or too long to the point of extreme dullness, I like to occasionally do a compendium of randomness and shove it all into one post. Be prepared, as some of these items make reference to the dreaded "p" word, though I hope to avoid its usage. Witness.

First of all, organic food. What is your perspective? Since the events of last month, I have decided to start eating organic as far as the "important" foods are concerned - milk, eggs, meat, fruit and vegetables. I am aware that you can get anything organic these days, but I don't eat much processed food anyway, with most of my diet being composed of the above-mentioned food groups. My view is that I do not want Enid to be pumped full of synthetic hormones and pesticides in utero, and I plan on carrying out this plan for the duration of his or her young life if it gets that far. As someone with PCOS, I am very suspect that part of the reason I have it is due to the consumption of hormones and pesticides working in conjunction with my genetic predisposition to the disease. I once posed this theory on a Jesus freak PCOS board and I was banned. I still can't quite work that one out. If I can spare my child having problems induced by these yucky things, I'm willing to pay more money for the food.

My second issue is regarding a fetal doppler. The Dude is all paranoid that if we get one I will be checking for a heartbeat on the hour and then suffer from overwhelming anxiety if I can't find it. Uh, Dude. Duh. However, I suffer from severe anxiety anyway, doppler or no doppler. I'm leaning toward getting one, crying and wringing-of-hands fits be damned.

Today, in my little provincial paper, whose entertainment section is usually rife with Celebrity Big Brother coverage or interviews with local titty-baring glamour models, was a review of an upcoming work of fiction about infertility. Granted, the review is about two sentences long, but at least I know this title exists. The book is called "One Life", by Rebecca Frayne. I checked amazon.com as well, but I see no mention of it there. The synopsis given on the website made me roll my eyes and want to vomit, as it is full of generalisations and cliches. Example:

"In the struggle to conceive Rose finds herself propelled on a roller coaster ride; an obsessive quest through the emotional and ethical minefield of IVF treatment - until finally she is driven to far more desperate and unconventional measures to become the mother she so desperately wants to be."

I must be missing something in regard to IVF being an "ethical minefield". Is it? I mean, aside from in the minds of strict Catholics and fundamentalist Christians, I wasn't aware that there were any ethical dilemmas involved. I believe the author is from the UK, in which case my point is especially valid. Gung ho religious nuts don't really exist here. People just let you get on with your business and don't question how your children were conceived. Imagine.

I'm also worried about the "desperate and unconventional measures" bit. Shit, are we talking about yet another barren woman that is so distraught that she cuts out the fetus of a happy little fertile woman? As we all know, women suffering with infertility are complete fucking nutjobs constantly plotting a way in which to obtain a child by any means neccessary. There is not a rational mind among us.

The synopsis ends with a statement alluding to the idea that having a child is THE most basic compulsion for women. All women want to have kids. Every single one of them. When you pare women down to their most basic element, it is the need to breed. Four years of IF treatment and I can quite assuredly tell you that wanting to be a mother is not the very core of my being. Yes, it's something I want, but I would hardly call it my "basic compulsion". I don't imagine most of you would either. That said, I'll still read the book when it comes out. I might only get to the point where the crazed, wild-eyed infertile grabs a carving knife and lunges at the nearest pregnant stomach before I shout at it in disgust, but I'll give it a go.

My final issue of the day concerns this blog. I know I keep going on about it, but I am sincerely bothered by my place in the IF sphere now. I keep going back and forth as to whether to continue, and I think for now I'll stay. This is hardly a new issue for anyone that finds themselves in this position, but I think it is difficult to deal with nonetheless. I don't like to think that some of the people who have read this blog in the past year have now left. I don't like thinking that my happiness has caused them pain. If I'm being honest, part of me feels unapologetic, because as I said not very nicely a few posts ago, I do deserve this. It is not to say in anyway that others do not, but the baffling thing in all of this is that a successful pregnancy is what a lot of us are aiming for. The support is there when everything is hopeless and there is one negative test after another, but a lot of that support ends as soon as there is finally a way out of this miserable IF existence.

I know reading of yet another pregnancy is hurtful. I cannot emphasise enough the sadness I felt when a new one in the IF blogosphere was announced. I was, and still am, jealous of the IF women that managed to successfully get pregnant naturally. I hate the fact that I spent four wasted years achieving nothing and it took an IVF, not unmedicated sex with my husband to give us a glimpse of what we could have. I am a bitter person, admittedly. This experience will never leave me, and I will certainly not forget what all of us have to go through to get pregnant. I was discussing this issue with The Dude, and he said that I wasn't part of the IF crowd anymore, at least not as long as Enid still hangs around. I tried to be rational, but it ended in just another flood of tears because I don't want to leave. I don't want to move on to the other group. That isn't me. I know nothing about babies or children. I don't have a yearning to know much either. I feel much more comfortable wearing my IF hat and being amongst IF women. I have identified with being an infertile woman since I came off the Pill in Dec 2001, and it is a difficult identity to shed. I want to be on both sides, but more and more I'm realising how impossible that will be.

36 comments:

Kris said...

I can't say that I've ever stopped reading a blog once someone got pregnant. I also have to admit though, that in the blogging world, it doesn't cause me pain or jealousy, it gives me hope. I know that so many women have been through so much more than I have- and I like hearing the success stories. I like hearing how wonderful it is to finally become pregnant. It makes me realize that someday I'll be in the same position.

So I guess I would just say that there are those of us in IF world who do read, and while somedays it may be hard to read about pregnancy, most of the time, it's a good thing.

susie said...

I'm glad you're going to keep blogging. Being pregnant doesn't erase the changes infertility has made to our lives. Throughout this whole pregnancy, I've never felt like I fit in with "normal" pregnant women. But you're right, I didn't exactly fit in with the infertiles anymore, either. But it's good when pregnant infertiles keep blogging, and I'm glad you're going to.

Jenn said...

Organic food-I tried. For the month leading up to IVF I ate much more organic. I really did feel much better. But once it started, going out of the way to a special grocery store was too much of a hassle and I stopped. I can take it or leave it.

Doppler-I wanted one, but I had the same thought as The Dude. I decided to default to my doctor's advice. She said not to get one and that it would more likely increase my anxiety. Plus with twins I probably couldn't tell the difference between them anyway. Plus, they are probably safe, but there is no studies on using them. And as often as I'm sure I would, I'd want to know it was 100% safe.

IVF ethics-I'm shocked at how many people (that have NEVER had a so much as a GLIMPSE of infertility) are SO against it. It's extremely disheartening and frightening.

Blogging-I've made my feelings clear on my own blog about this. I HATE when pregnant bloggers just stop. Before I was pregnant it felt like they moved on to something I wasn't (again) allowed to be a part of. Like we were good enough to support them while getting there but then we were left in the dust. It hurt. Plus I want my life (and my blog) to be more than just pregnancy and infertility. I'm also a person. Plus, I'll always be infertile. Now I'm just a recovering infertile.

Alexa said...

I will be honest: There are blogs that I read that I am not terribly attached to--they are interesting because of subject matter, but I don't feel a strong connection to the blogger, nor am I enlightened or amused by the writing. Those blogs I sometimes stop reading (or at least read less frequently) after pregnancy.
There have always been certain blogs, however, that I read for the writing, the humour, or a connection I feel with the writer. Some of these are infertility related, some are post-infertility, some have nothing to do with the subject at all. Those blogs I will read until the bloggers take them down, pregnancy or no, because they make my days brighter and because they inspire me--and you, my dear, are definitely one of those blogs. Now is the part where I hold a boombox over my head outside your window. Can you hear it?
Anyway, as far as the food issue, I try very hard to eat organic-free-of-bad-things meat. I do worry about the hormones, and I know these things are dismissed by many as hippie bullshit, but you can't argue with science, my friend, and there are numerous studies regarding hormones in meat affecting hormonal profiles of those who consume said meat. My only other big food thing is that I am a cheese snob and do not eat processed cheese--but this is because it has an unnatural plasticine texture, rather than for health reasons. And I do generally believe that it is better to use a small quantity of real butter or olive oil rather than the science fiction creation that is margarine, but again, that is mainly because margarine tastes like excrement.

Kim said...

Honestly, I like it when pregnant infertiles keep blogging because while it's hard for me to read sometimes and I almost always feel uncomfortable commenting, it is nice to see someone who has had success. It gives me that extra bit of hope and even on the worst of days it's reassuring to look at my link list and see the women who have managed to do what I'm failing at. Oh, and your blog rocks.

Lindy said...

I think organic raw produce is great if you can get it relatively easily, but I think it can be pretty unrealistic to go all the way with the more processed stuff too (i.e., organic granola bars, etc.). In fact, I read somewhere on the internet (who knows if this is at all reliable) that the way that processed organic foods are preserved may be bad in pregnancy.

My husband and OB (who are in cahoots in so many ways) both begged me not to rent a dopplar because they say I'll drive myself and them completely crazy. In the end, the fact that I have a tilted uterus that will make the heartbeat hard to hear sealed the deal. I know I'd be a mess if I had one.

And please do stay.

DD said...

I can almost calculate between when the beta is positive and when this type of post comes out on IF blogs, it happens to everyone. I refer to it as survivor's guilt.

I have my own, wondering why would I, a mother of one already, but struggling for two, earn any sympathy or support? Because "somebody" relates to what I'm going thru, just as somebody (LOTS of somebodies) relate to you.

It also makes me want to ask why start a blog in the first place if all you thought you needed was support thru IF? When we get pregnant, we don't suddenly become all-knowing and full of confidence; it just becomes another step in our life that requires just as much, if not more. Enid is born and you will move onto the next step, and so on and so forth.

Sure, some readers who were with you at the beginning may leave and that is sad; but new readers and new insights will join. A close friend of mine reminded me that my own blog is about ME and I shouldn't worry about who relates and who doesn't. BarrenAlbion is about YOU: whether your If, pregnant, mother of 8, bald, gay, fat, or have a foot fetish...it's about YOU.

PortLairge said...

When I started blogging(lurking) just a few short months ago, I admit that as I clicked on links, if the blogger was already pregnant, I moved on with the exception of a few that I just enjoyed.. I regretted that I had not found this wonderful community earlier. I found your blog just before you started your IVF cycle. I was attracted to the name of your blog because my husband is from the UK and I could just imaging crowds of us all lined up in the stands with our Barren Albion hat and scarves on, cheering with our flags, waiting for the next installment. For that reason(remember, it's all about me)you cannot leave us. I hope to be alongside you soon in the pregosphere and I will admit that if this cycle does not work, it may be hard to come back for a while, but I will come back because you write so well and even when you are miserable and unhappy, you usually manage to garner at least one chuckle from me, and I don't chuckle much these days.Gald you are staying.

Beth said...

That book review was horrible; I would have been impressed if for once we could see someone leave out the roller coaster reference. Regardless, I will probably pick it up anyway and read until it pisses me off and I toss it across the room (if it continues in a cliche-filled vein, that is). Besides, last I checked my driving force in life wasn't having a baby, but having a damn good glass of wine.

Personally (and of course I do not speak from experience), I would venture to say that pregnancy isn't necessarily the exit ramp from infertility that many assume it is. The process of treatment and cycle after cycle changes your perspective. Once you have lived in the IF world you know way too much (unfortuantely) to go through pregnancy like someone who got pregnant right away. I am glad you are continuing your blog now that you have found success. Will I stay away on bad days? Most likely. Will I rush to catch up on good days? Definitely. I enjoy your writing and your perspective and occasionally it lets me allow that evil girl Hope into the picture.

Molly said...

Oh my dear, you know you can't leave us. However will I rip on you publicly then? And call you a whore? And pity the poor Dude for living with such a crazy bitch?

Anyway, others have said it better than me -- especially Alexa. I'm standing next to her with my boombox too. Except mine's playing "Maneater."

joie said...

Okay, time for a little intervention...As an IF who is still squarely on the IF side, I still read you and all the other IF's who have been successful. Once IF, always IF. Everything you went through doesn't go away. Your experience of pregnancy is unique because of the long road to get there. You've been on that road longer than me and I am GLAD you've "arrived". It gives me hope. It helps me visualize what's ahead for me (cross my fingers).

Besides, just like there is more to me than the basic compulsion to breed, I read you for more than the fact that you are (were) infertile.

fisher queen said...

I have to confess that there are some blogs I've quit reading, but as someone said above, I have kept reading the authors I enjoyed aside from the IF issues. You are one of those.

I may not comment as often (here and at other places), and sometimes I skim content (cause it does hurt), but that doesn't mean that I'm not happy for you and everyone else who has succeeded.

I also confess to another very selfish reason that I enjoy reading pregancy post IF blogs- it's assurance that things can go well. It's a real comfort that not every former IFer has an anxiety ridden pregnancy. Of course, it's completely understandable to worry- but I like knowing that sometimes it can just be happy.

seepi said...

I'd get the doppler. I got one and it is great. And actually i have only used it about 5 times. It is too much trouble to use at the drop of a hat, and also we don't know eactly what it does so I prefer not to use it every day. But for those moments when you get a bit down/unsure/worried/feel like oall your symptoms have disappeared overnight or whatever - it is fabulous. I haven't had any trouble finding the heartbeat - you just have to keep moving it around til you hear it.
On the religious thing - a nurse at my clinic once misinterpreted a worried look of mine to a be a religious concern about ivf, and started telling me that it was a way of helping god to do his work. So some people must have concerns.

MC said...

Don't go. I love reading your blog and it is nice to see some of us achieving pregnancy.

Australia is like the UK in regards to religious nuts, most people just do IVF with out their interference. The exception is our health minister who is right wing Catholic and just lost his bid to limit IVf to all women and to have it stop completely after 42. The treasurer white anted him recently saying the savings to the national budget were minimal and it was a cruel move.

T said...

I personally think it's silly for someone to stop blogging (if they want to continue, that is) just because they've achieved the first step in their goal (pg on the way to live baby). I felt this way when a bunch of us got pg and there was a huge backlash and there were so many blog posts saying how much our blogs were hurting them and they were going to stop reading us. I felt bad of course - they should stop reading. The IFer is the most important person, if it hurts, don't read. We don't want to hurt anyone. It used to hurt me, that's why I would put "pg ment" when I posted about my pregnancy - in case people were having a bad day. I know I would have appreciated it.

I know about the jealousy too - I'm jealous of people that get pg before 4 ivf's (in my fucked up world, THAT is easy - go figure and no offense). But, I think that you can straddle both worlds, I think there's definitely a pregnant infertile group, I think that it just takes time to get your mind around it because finally being pregnant after so long is a really screwy thing.

Go for the doppler - it'll give you peace of mind when you have a scare or horrible thoughts. I thought I'd be a freak (ok, more so) too, but I didn't/don't use it nearly as often as I thought I would.

Em said...

I was considering getting a doppler but I decided not to (for now) as I know what I am like and I will become obsessed with it. I would probbaly wart it to work and all. I know as infertiles were are a bit different but most women go through their pregnancies without one and once you start feeling the baby move that's a pretty good indication it is ok, I reckon.

T said...

I feel like I should clarify my "jealous" statement. I don't think I am using the right word because I'm also very happy for those that don't have to go through the hell that I did, so I will have to try to determine what the right word is.

DrSpouse said...

I haven't had "fertility issues" for very long, and it does make me feel a little twinge when someone gets pregnant, but it also gives me hope...

Not convinced organic food makes any difference to people - I eat it because it's good for the birds and the butterflies!

I have to say however that I do have some issues about IVF - not precisely ethical, or at least not in the sense that you mean. I think I am bothered about putting ourselves through something that's so expensive and so uncertain - not that I'd begrudge the expense, but that the media/doctors hold out this magic hope, and in fact at my age it's not that likely to succeed, but just be horrendous and heartbreaking.

And there is also the issue (for someone like me who occasionally feels vague God-like promptings and even more occasionally responds to them) of what we are called to do - which may be adoption of a child who otherwise would grow up in foster care or a children's home...

Manuela said...

Some IF'ers who've moved on to the exalted shangri-la of pregnancy... some of them? meh... I completely lose interest. But it's not because I resent the fact that they've moved on... it's either that I'm feeling particularly self-loathing at being reminded that my time has almost run out.... or... frankly...more often than not, their discussion of things I may not ever have... just bores the snot out of me.

Given that I highly doubt you would be capable of ever boring me out of anything... least of all snot... I'm pretty damn sure that I ain't goin' anywhere.

And girl... thank GOD you are unapologetic about your success... wave that freakin' flag and march proud.

Smooches.

Lut C. said...

Pff, you're just worried your comment count will go down. :-D

I have a PG after ART section in my blogroll, though you probably know most of them already.

Vacant Uterus said...

Dude. Chill. You're our Pru. We couldn't live without the snark that is you. Rub that belly proudly! You earned it.

mm said...

I've stopped reading many a blog bc the author got pg and I"m just not big enough to feel happy for their authors while I'm sad for me. Yours isn't one of those blogs. This party just wouldn't be the same without you. Glad you've decided to stick around. And yes, yes, a thousand times yes to organic food.

seepi said...

About adoption as mentioned above - I looked into that - it seems about as expensive and drawn out as ivf. And you're not allowed to be on adoption waiting lists while doing ivf. Otherwise - I would definitely do that. I think they should make adoption more accessible, as long as there are kids that needs homes. But I don't think that should affect access to ivf either. Everyone is different, and we make different choices.

Demented M said...

Well, I certainly enjoy your blog even though I almost never commment. I think you should continue to blog, it doesn't bother me to follow someone's pregnancy. Plus, I think you're assuming your experience won't be valuable to us, which, since I have PCOS as well, isn't the case. If I get pregnant, I'll still have PCOS and advice from someone who's been there will be priceless.

I too am eating organic and Jesus is it expensive. I'm not sure I can afford it in the long run, but I do think it's worth it. Meat is at the top of the food chain and fatty tissue stores all those environmental toxins in both animals and humans, so organic helps cut down on exposure.

I'm almost tempted to buy that book you described just to eviscerate it. Yes, that's mean, but there are several authors writing about IF who don't seem to have any practical experience with it and I have no patience with people who trivialize my pain. I know for a fact a book about IF with a Holy Roller 'Just Adopt' message is on an editor's desk right now.

And then we wonder why all we get from the peanut gallery is assvice. It starts with clueless writers.

M

Erin said...

Unless you decide to stop being funny, I'm gonna keep reading, whether you like it or not. I'm pretty sure being pregnant doesn't affect your sense of humour.

At least, not right away.

cat said...

As some women said to me. The only thing I regret about getting the doppler is that I didn't get it sooner.

Keep writing.

Lisa said...

YOU MUST NOT STOP WRITING.

Now that we've got that out of the way I can say that I'm all for the doppler if I'm ever pregnant. I NEED something to obsess about and I'll pick something way worse if I don't have that wee heartbeat to listen for. As for organics...I have PCOS too and I think a lot about organic dairy and meat for myself now and would definitely make the switch if I'm ever knocked up. I've seen no proof that the pesticide/insecticide/fungicide residue in veggies and fruit is actually harmful, but hormones and antibiotics and other ickies accumulating like mad in dairy and meat makes me concerned. How can it not have an effect?

Keep writing. We'll still be here, cheering you on.

Thalia said...

Oh Pru I am not going anywhere. I might check in on you twice a week as opposed to once every other day or so, but I want to know what's going on with you and Enid and the Dude - I want to continue to read this story. Those I stop reading are those who are obnoxious about the being pregnant thing. I'm sure they don't intend to be, but they are, and I don't need that. But I do need you, my friend.

Oh and the doppler? Get it.

Mary Scarlet said...

Hi Pru, glad you're still writing, I would be sad if you stopped. I am jealous but it's not a painful jealous. And I'm incredibly happy for you and love to read your news.

I guess I'm into the organic thing; my aunt is a nutritionist and she says she spends the extra for organic meat for the reasons you outline, but doesn't sweat the produce quite as much.

As for the outside world having whacked out perceptions of infertility, I am disgusted but not surprised. I cringe to remember the one conversation I ever had with someone who had been through IVF, aobut 4 years before I even considered ART, and how clueless I was. It must have struck me in some way as I remember the convo as I have few others, but I fear I kind of mangled what should have been a compassionate and supportive response. And probably said something assy. Though I'm pretty sure I didn't say "Wow, what an ethical minefield that ART is. Let's talk about how desperate you were and how you feel about having science babies." Asswipes.

Helen said...

Organic-I love the stuff. Seriously. I'm all about the organic (I would offer to show you my tie dye and muesli collection, but A) I don't have one and B) some stereotypes are done to death, you know?) I honestly prefer organic and I'm willing to pay a bit more to get it. So yes. Earth Mother I am. Real Mother I am not.

About the blogging-totally stop if you want, but here's the thing-I wish we didn't have to think of ourselves in camps, you know? I really don't. If anyone I know who is IF falls pregnant I will be cheering for them like an insane soccer mom on meth. I will want them to be happy, their babies to be happy, and I will insist on buying gifts that may or may not make any sense at all.

I have a problem (personally) with bloggers that are all-"I went to the grocery store and bought beef jerky, weeded the garden, changed the oil filter on the car, and would you believe it? Then I peed on a stick and I'm pregnant!" That's where I have a problem-it's so easy that it makes me wretch with loathing for my envious self.

But for IF bloggers? There is sideline cheering here. There are no sides-I like to think of it as people are all just at different stages. You don't have to be in the pregnant camp, the adoption camp, the IF camp. We're all just women that walk the crappy road, and isn't it all better if we can walk together and make fun of those not on the IF road? Do we have to distinguish between ourselves , too, as it only causes more detriment to those who do not actually get pregnant?

Sorry. Not trying to rant. Just trying to say-if you stop blogging it's totally your choice, but I myself want to corrall all of the IF ladies into one massive cheering section.

And organic is cool. Just, you know, to sum up.

Panda said...

The Dude is wrong.

You ARE still part of the IF crowd. In a good way and a bad way.

Good Way: nobody gets the pain that you've had to go through to get here like other infertile women. Hang around with those Fertile Myrtles and you'll just want to kick them within 5 minutes. The Barren Bitches understand why it is that you're still not acknowledging the pregnancy at 30 weeks and cant accept that nothing is going to go wrong.

Bad way: just because you managed to achieve a pregnancy with IVF doesnt make you fertile. Its not like you can now suddenly pop out babies willy-nilly. The same physical limitations still exist, preggers or not. It totally sucks, but there it is. Infertile and pregnant are NOT mutually exclusive states of being.

Good Way #2: We still like you and stuff. (ooh, I just realised how presumptuous of me to say "we" like I'M still part of the IF crowd. Maybe they dont want me either...)

tania said...

good for you going organic. Cheapness is so deeply ingrained in my psyche that I can't bring myself to do it... Such a horrible reason. I'd like to find a source that really points out what is important to go organic with and what's not.

And I hate break it to you, but once you're in the IF sisterhood, you don't get to just exit. At least if you've made it far enough. I think somebody who gets pregnant on one month of clomid and sex probably can pretty much leave, but after going as far as you have, you're past the point of no return.

Maybe you leave if you're one of the lucky ones to get pregnant the old fashioned way after going through IF the first time around, but probably even then not entirely.

You mustn't stop writing - you're far too entertaining. Me - I've basically stopped writing because I'm boring and have a tendency to get too bitter and depressing when there's nothing to be depressed about. But you have a gift which you mustn't take away from everyone.

amyesq said...

Well don't think of yourself in the IF blogosphere. Just think of yourself in the blogosphere in general and write about whatever comes to mind. I mean, you can't just go away or I will have to come a find you for your updates. I may not know where you live, but I do know where you work :)

Jan said...

Please don't stop blogging! Yours is one of the few pregnant blogs I feel able to read most days. Your style has not changed, you sound appropriately grateful and happy to be pregnant at last and you continue to acknowledge those of us that aren't and how hard the road is, you haven't included a scan photo or belly shot without warning bang smack in the middle of a post (no reason why you shouldn't, it's your blog, but that's one of the things that I find tough), and yes, you certainly do deserve your happiness :-) ! If you start adding clip-art of fluffy teddy bears to the blog or undergo a personality transplant in which you forget you were ever an IF, then that would be different. At the moment, your posts remind me a little of BrooklynGirl's in the early stages of pregnancy - her's was the first blog I read and I loved the way she dealt with her pregnancy in her posts.

vixen said...

I'm really new to this and I have no clue how it works but I'll give it a try...
Don't stop writing Pru! You've had me hooked for days now and it's because of you that I've gone and got myself a blogspot (or whatever it's called).
In the past I've contributed to other IF message boards which have made me feel like I'm completely lacking in decency and morals.I hated all their talk of 'baby dust' and their coos of "I love hearing about pregnant women - it gives me such hope". It didn't give me hope, it just made me feel like shit. All this time I've been harbouring a secret guilt that I've felt this way. Why is it that I can't be that nice?
Then I started reading your blog. It is so refreshing! I love your honesty and (rather ironcally) I love the fact that you make no apologies for falling pregnant and you admit that it's well deserved.
Oh, and I loved your post about the puregon pen - I've just started using one and it's an evil little bugger.
How do I join the 'infertile list' (the list of names on the right)?

elle said...

Hmm..the doppler - didn't get one. It feeds the niggling doubts - makes you dependent on it, so that you can't ever mentally wrap your brain around the fact that things will be fine - which can be HARD - but I feel that's what I signed up for as a parent. I recently had this willpower tested, but stuck to my guns. It's what works for me.

And just b/c you are pregnant - you are still an IFer. You and I will never NOT have doubts as to whether our bodies can actually do this. The regular, fertile world, they are a strange bunch. We hear your pregnancy anxieties loud and clear. DOn't be afraid to talk about it - it IS your blog, after all.