11/08/2005

Drained

I started typing up a lengthy post about what comes after IVF if such a thing is necessitated, but it was dull and pointless and I soon lost the will to live. I'm sure I'll go back to that at another time, but at the moment I don't have the drive to talk about these pressing, life-changing decisions. Oh, to have a month or even a week that infertility is not weighing heavily on my mind. What is it like to be normal and not do this anyway? None of us will ever know and I think that is an absolute travesty.

I was bordering on giddy today for about 2 whole hours when my period decided to show her delinquent ass after much delay. Well, I'm spotting, which I assume will lead to a proper period. I have been let down before, so perhaps I should hold my tongue for now. So my question is - does spotting count as cd 1? I tend to spot for up to two days before full force is exhibited. I should have asked this question three years ago, thus possibly explaining why I'm still not pregnant.

I told my boss today that I would need to have off for a few days for "minor surgery", which I requested to be kept between us. I don't need my co-workers getting me cards and balloons thinking I'm on my deathbed. I later received an email from her stating that I would need to supply a doctor's note (fine), as well as a brief description of my procedure. Pardon? Now, this may surprise some of you, but I'm a bit outspoken. I have yet to respond to this email, but when I do tomorrow you can be certain that no further details of my "procedure" will be divulged. I think it's a violation of my privacy and I refuse to do it. I have failed to come up with a reason as to why they would need to know this. I'm willing to give them a note from WHYBAML, but that's as far as it will be going.

My boss has said that this info will be requested by her manager, a woman who, two weeks ago, asked me what my last name was. I have worked in my department for two years and this woman, though not my direct manager, has had a lot of interaction with me in this time. I will not give such sensitive and personal information to a woman who cannot be bothered to even know my name. The Dude has said that if I say that in defense of my privacy, he will buy me the bracelet I have been coveting for the last two months. I know what I will be doing first thing tomorrow morning.

So that is where I am at the moment. I should be excited that all of this is finally kicking off, but I cannot muster that level of emotion. My apologies for the most boring and moaning post in the history of BarrenAlbion. I felt like I needed to post, despite not knowing what to coherently post about. The harsh realisation has just hit me that I am not even in the mood for Sex and the City or Freaks and Geeks. These are truly dark times. Remind me again why I don't drink?

24 comments:

hope11 said...

Hello - HIPAA? Unless you work for a small provider - less than 25 employees, legally, they cannot ask you about your medical procedure. Crossing fingers for you on all fronts.

Nico said...

Drained is a very good way of putting it. I just got back from my mock transfer - and a chat with the insurance lady. Looks like I'll have to wait even longer than I thought before getting started... drained.

There is absolutely no reason they need to know what your procedure is. A doctor's note should be more than sufficient. In my best valley girl accent, "whatever!"

Different clinics have different cutoff times for CD1, but for all of them it's the day you're actually seeing red instead of just spotting. Mine if you see it before 7pm, that's CD1. I've seen 3, 5, midnight - but all for full flow. So you might still be a day or two off...

Georgia said...

Okay, what the fuck? They can't ask for that, can they?

I would just ask the doctor to say that you are having a surgical procedure. Use that kind of nebulous office speak, and if they press it, refuse. That is obnoxious.

I don't think spotting is day one, unfortunately. I think it's full on blood's-a-flowin' that is day one.

Good luck with the supervisor. I feel the same way as above, a Valley Girl "Whatever!"

Pamplemousse said...

As the token HR person round here, they can ask but I would get a med cert from your GP stating something vaguely gynaelogical. Whatever it says is all they need to know. Most GPs will throw a med cert at you as soon as you utter the letters "IVF".

CD1 is red flow of blood, not just spotting.

statia said...

What Georgia said about the flow. As For HIPAA, I don't think they have HIPAA in London, but they may have something like it. The only people who need to know is HR, which is confidential.

April said...

Just to echo - CD1 is the first day of FULL red flow.

And, to the extent you can, don't tell them. This is between you and the Dude and your doctors. It's none of their damn business.

pixi said...

God bless the Dude (and I love that movie btw) for providing the much needed jewelry. Can't wait to hear what you picked out.

And, good for you for sticking up for your privacy. Do they even need to know that it's IVF at all? Isn't having to have a doctor say that it's a female-related procedure invasive enough? I hope you don't have to give in on this one. Can I just say that I can't stand people like your boss's manager?

Sorry things are so blah right now. Hope tomorrow morning brings a little lift.

tania said...

I agree that it's entirely inappropriate for them to ask you for a summary of your procedure. It's even pushing a bit ridiculous that you need a doctor's note...

I always had a hell of a time figuring out what day one was. (does cd mean cycle day? that's one of the acronyms that always throws me a bit, although now that I think about it it's a bit obvious... But how often do you ever say "I'm on cycle day 3" ?)

At any rate, since I went off the pill way back in the year 2000, I never have what I would really consider a full flow. I spot for a two or three days, then have a day where I can use a tampon, although if I change a panty liner a few times a day, I could probably get by with that, and then it's basically another day of spotting. Very confusing even after all these years.....

Take care

Manuela said...

I've been adivsed that full-flow equals cd1... not spotting.

And... fucking ay! I would be more than schocked if it's even legal for them to ask for details of the procedure. hrmph.

DO let us know what comes of this exchange!

Jenn said...

That is soooo wrong of them to ask. If you do have to actually tell them, use the word VAGINA as much as you possibly can. And be extremely graphic.

Lindy said...

I do kind of like Jenn's "vagina" idea, but a vague note from your RE would work just as well. FYI - REs do treat non-IF patients and do laparscopies on them sometimes. I actually had a lap done by an RE back in college. So that makes for a conveniently similar procedure for them to assume you're having.

And yes, CD 1 is the first day you need a tampon or pad.

Ugh!

fisher queen said...

How horrible! I agree- shout VAGINA and NEEDLE at her as loud as you can.

Panda said...

In Australia, they cant ask for ANY details at all. Doctors Certificates always just say "medical condition".

As funny as shouting VAGINA at them would be, stand firm and refuse to divulge. Bastards.

Yellowgirlnc@yahoo.com said...

I am angry for you! "Brief description" indeed. More like her curiosity of what your having done! I'd go with the ever-illusive "minor surgery to deal with a medical condition for which such surgery is warranted." How's that for vague. I think the "brief description" is a load of crap-- she just needs a dr note, period. (pardon the pun). If she starts asking for more info, I'd raise health privacy concerns til HR worried I might start a lawsuit or something. (And since you are in Britain, isn't the stereotype that the Brits can't stand to be seen as rude? Can you use that to your advantage here?) (Note to any Brits out there: I love you. I know stereotypes are just that. But if it fits in this case....)
Cheers! Yellowgirl

T said...

What I'd like to see (aside from her lights being punched out) is her face when you tell her that you're going to have a 12 inch needle repeatedly penetrating your vaginal wall. Bitch.

Cd1 = full flow, just in case you didn't believe the 27 people that probably posted this before me.

Ova Girl said...

I was going to say the non spotting thing too but can't be arsed now.

She wants what? Would love to hear about you shouting vagina but agree that the formal letter from doctor should be well enough. Nosy cow.

Mary Scarlet said...

Man, that's fucked up.

Also, I just have to ask if when you tell the bitch to step off or whatevers, are you going to pronounce privacy "PR IH vasee" or "PR EYE vasee"? You know, Brit-like or Yank-like? I'm just trying to get a feel for how the whole scene will go as you spank your bad, mean boss with your righteous anger. We got it, might as well use it, right?

Grump. I'm sorry you have to deal with these jerkfaces.

Kim said...

Ask your doctor what they usually write in this situation. I got fired two weeks before my wedding because my doctor kept providing vague medical certificates citing "unexplained vomiting" and they didn't believe that I was really sick. I was.

But I agree that they shouldn't be able to ask that at all. All they need to know is that you cannot work on those days. They will not benefit from knowing why.

Dooneybug said...

The fuck? She can kiss your ass. Bitch doesn't need to know why, I think it's her own curiosity. Let us know what the outcome of it all is.

Molly said...

Ha ha, Jenn beat me to the punch.

"Well, bitch, I'll be lying on a table in a stupor with ovaries the size of bowling balls while my husband masturbates across the hall . . . ." etc.

No, I hope you told that bitch off good. And I want pics of the jewels, please. And . . . I echo Mary Scarlet in asking how WOULD you pronounce privacy? We need our mental Pru dialogues to keep us going.

elle said...

Crazy ass nosy bitch. Not *you*, hon, the bosslady! I daresay that isn't legal. As for crimson bitch, spotting is not CD1. It has to be heavy enough that you need a pad/tampon. (I spot too). No Freaks & Geeks? I love that show. So sad there is only one season. Every once in a while I think about them & wonder what they are doing...oh, actually, there is a new show here in US "Kitchen Confidential" that has a VERY tall Sam in it! Aw, he's all growed up! Anyway, excited that your journey is about to start!

thalia said...

Spotting does not equal CD1. But you know that already.

And your boss is being a bit of a bitch. But you know that, already. As much as I'd love to see you shouting at her about VAGINAS, I also guess that you'd quite like to keep your job so probably wouldn't recommend it.

HOpefully your GP is tame enough to write that note for you.

MC said...

What a cow of a boss. I would just get your Dr to write a vague gyno issues note. Or you could give her a really gory description of needles etc.

Kath said...

Oh fer heaven's sake, that's ridiculous. Even if the procedure weren't about your privates, it would still be private. How often -- realistically now -- do people go in for frivolous operations? A vague doctor's note is more than enough. I hope you pinned it to that boss donkey's ass, along with your business card so she knows who you are.

I don't know anything about IVF cycles, but I do know that if spotting is CD1, I'm going through a very unappealing version of Groundhog Day.

I hope that opening a can of whoop-ass helped your mood. There's nothing that will brighten the day quite like righteous indignation paired with jewelry...