11/14/2005

Cynicism, glorious cynicism

So here I am, checking out one of Karen's genius recent posts. An issue of contention has turned out to be non-pregnant women parking in the parking spaces reserved for the poor, neglected pregnant ladies. These women that are parking in these designated spaces (of which Karen is not even one), are adopting, and therefore are by definition "expectant mothers". Somehow, people find this objectionable. Somehow, adopting mothers are just evil bitches with a hateful vengeance for knocked up women. Of course. All infertile women detest the pregnant. Perhaps it is not pregnant women that piss us off, but the veneration they receive when long-suffering infertile women are viewed with disdain and tremendous misunderstanding. You would think that as pregnancy seems to be the pinnacle of life's experience as ordained by society, that women who struggled so long unsuccessfully to be so would not be the enemy but rather admired for what they have endured but failed to achieve.

What I wanted to focus on is not this perceived notion of the pregnant versus the non-pregnant, but rather how this long slog of infertility has made me jaded and cynical with all things pregnancy and parent-oriented. If I got pregnant, I wouldn't use a parking space designated for pregnant women on principle. Pregnant women aren't disabled. I figure if they are mobile enough to waddle around a store and shop for onesies, they can walk an extra 20 paces from a normal parking space.

Wouldn't the natural inclination be that if someone struggled so long to be pregnant, that she would grab onto this opportunity to park in a space and for once be seen as "normal"? To me, this notion of the feeble pregnant woman is irritating and outmoded. Easy for me to say, I know, being distinctly not pregnant, but it's the reproductive equivalent of "women and children first". Women's lives are more valuable then the lives of men in times of disaster, and pregnant women need to park an inch outside a shop entrance because they can't walk. They'll walk around plenty IN the store, but don't ask them to walk too much OUTSIDE the store. The moral to this story is - no pregnancy parking space for me. Well, principles, and I don't drive.

Secondly, you will never hear me talk about how my baby is my little "miracle". It ain't no miracle that unites the sperm and egg in a petri dish. It's science. A miracle would be me getting pregnant naturally; polycystic posterior ovaries, tilted cervix and small-headed sperm uniting to create a life. That said, even if this happened I would still never call the child a "miracle". The very thought makes me want to roll around in babydust and set myself alight.

I am a member of a mailing list for American ex-pats residing in the UK. One of the women on the list had a baby last week and announced his birth to the list today. After giving the rundown of the usual crap - length, weight, disposition, etc...the beaming new mother said, "I probably won't have much to do now except be a mother", at which point I threw up in my mouth more than just a little. Christ on a bike woman, did you not have anything to do pre-baby? She wasn't even infertile! Surely it is just infertile women, people who have spent ages focusing on procreation, that would momentarily forget that there are more things in life than pregnancy and children? Oddly enough, we are the women who don't say things like that.

That is my drug-induced rant for today. Stay tuned for the next installment when I write 4 paragraphs on how my co-worker's stirring of Cup of Soup makes me want to crawl out of my skin and beat her with the pelt.

21 comments:

luminista said...

Brilliant. You are dead on. I was reading Karen's incredible post(s) right before I popped over here to read yours. I have been thinking about this same thing for over an hour now.

How did we (women), as a gender (and more importantly - how did we {infertiles})become so segregated and bitter, sniping at one another from our various "subgroups??" Have we all forgotten about how strong we can be, the larger our number is and the more connected we remain?

I hope against hope that Karen decides to come back from her (very short, I hope) break and continue to write only from the heart and say "fuck you all" to any who try to bitch-slap her for expressing her thoughts and feelings.

Manuela said...

TO-TALLY AGREE!! The pregnant parking thing drives me BATTY... or... at least the suggestion of it... I've been spared actually ever having SEEN one... maybe we don't do those here in Canada.

PJ said...

I normally don't comment at Karen's because she's such a popular lass, I figure the last thing she needs is another "so sorry," "congrats," etc, but I had to tell her what was on my mind this time. I can't believe people took that seriously. What the hell is wrong with everyone?!?!? Same thing happened at Tertia's. Did the whole blogging world stick the same rigid stick up their asses? It's a joke people.

Anywho...as always Pru, you are right on and for what it's worth, I don't park in those spaces either.

statia said...

1. Just because I'm an infertile bitch, I've parked there a few times, because like you said, fuck that, if they can walk inside, they can walk outside. And if they can't walk, they should send someone else to the store for them.

2. Like I said at Karen's. These woman need to get the fuck over themselves and get off their moral high horse, or I'm going to make it my sole mission to park in one of those spots EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

3. Baby dust is highly flammable, so setting yourself alight is totally doable.

4. I have bad PMS today, can you tell?

Lindy said...

Amen, sister! And please, step away from the baby dust. We wouldn't know what to do without you.

fisher queen said...

It really pisses me off that Karen's is being overrun by the sanctimonious. Did they not see the header that says 'infertility and adoption'? Do they not know that that is one spot that isn't all about them? I guess not, 'cause, it IS all about them you know.

ms pickled eggs said...

What, you mean pregnancy isn't an illness? Must tell vile co-worker.

Panda said...

You guys have PREGNANT PARKING?????

Thats whack.

But not as whack as PRAM PARKING, where you get MORE spots that the disabled parking and in BETTER locations, because its SO difficult to walk that extra 20 feet with a pram, isnt it.

MC said...

It's as if some people have had their humour gland removed. I feel bad that Karen copped all that abuse.

We don't have pregnant women parking spaces here (yet). I wouldn't park in them, because even though I'm a cycnical bitch I hate confrontation.

I used to work with a guy that I couldn't sit next to at lunchtime as he made this smacking sound with his lips the entire time he was eating.

Erin said...

This is why I love infertile women. Great post.

Molly said...

Ah, is this the same co-worker whose chewing makes you want to bring a rifle to work?

I just ran over to Karen's and read those comments. GET OVER YOURSELVES, PEOPLE. Technically, anyone who expects that they'll one day be a parent could park there. I could park there, and I have. Ugh.

Nico said...

I never thought of babydust as being flammable. But now that I think about it, I bet it even has explosive properties! Mmmm... babydust bombs!

Pamplemousse said...

I am PMS-ing and I could really lob a few babydust bombs.

Ms Pru, I am hoping Dr WHYBAML gives good scan today!

Emma B. said...

"The very thought makes me want to roll around in babydust and set myself alight."

HAHAHAHA! Love it!

tania said...

Ooooh! It's a huge peeve of mine when people claim their babies are miracles. That's why I hate hate hate the mother of those septuplets. She is always spouting off about how they're a miracle from God. Miracle from God, my ass! Get some balls and say that you have a miracle from the makers of Gonal F and your RE.
(Granted maybe the fact that they all survived is a miracle, but certainly not their conception!)

Reading all of the responses to Karen's post was really exhausting...

Laura said...

I so agree with the whole "miracle" thing ... might there be anything more annoying than a mother or pregnant woman gushing on and on about her miracle? It's science, no matter how you cut it. It's either biology(it happened just like they taught you in biology class) or it's high-tech science (in the form of drugs or procedures in a doctor's office). Science, nature, instinct, yes, but not miracle!

Lori said...

I think some people just have a little too much time on their hands to get their panties in a twist. It's a flippin' parking spot, people! Get a grip! But instead we are once again just being bitter and mean. Grr...

Alexa said...

Is having properly balanced endocrinology a "miracle" or, as Laura said, nature?--lets face it, it doesn't take a "miracle" to get some fertile pregnant, and as for the rest of us...that's not a miracle, that's MONEY.
I must second Molly's question: is this the same coworker? Should we be worried that a life is in danger?

T said...

Ah, those spaces - I used to park in them with my bitter twisted smile and laugh uproariously to myself. Now? Not so much.

amyesq said...

Yes! All of it! Well said, Pru.

elle said...

OMG, that was just about the most hilarious thing I have ever read. First off, what?!? Separate parking? - that it just insane. And anyway, pregnant women need to exercise, so there it is. The only sort of comparable thing we have in NYC are signs on the subway about offering seats to the elderly or pregnant. While it's not a big deal to stand, the crazy jolting that occurs, I could see falling over - which I have done several times pre-pregnancy. So that makes sense to me. The parking spaces, however, are absurd.