Other peoples' kids may be annoying, but they sure are funny

So today I'm in my own personal eighth circle of hell, otherwise known as your average toy store. I was trying to manoeuvre P's stroller around the odd dawdling child staring at overpriced Thomas the Tank Engine paraphernalia and lumpy women without an awareness of how much space they and their own strollers take up. I'd already "accidentally" rammed into the heel of a pokey Crocs-wearing woman earlier in the shopping expedition, so bloodlust was at the ready.

Amazingly, two little girls, about 8 years old, lightened my mood. Witness, an exchange including a child that I hope P to be like someday:

Future P (saying to her friend, who was drinking Lucozade - a fizzy energy drink like Gatorade but carbonated): "I once saw a thing on TV where people poured 5 litres of Lucozade on a pig brain and the brain turned to mush."

Friend of Future P: "Nuh uh."

FP: "Did too."

FFP: "Well, that's a pig though and I'm human. It's not the same thing."

FP: "Actually, humans and pigs are related." (glancing at friend's Lucozade) "I'm just telling you what I saw." (shrug)

FFP: (looking at Lucozade incredulously and a touch frightened) "Ok."

Yes, so I want my child to be a fear-mongering know-it-all who scares her friends into submission. I'm surprised you think there is something wrong with that.

Ironically, Future P used the magic word - "mush". The name of my new, as-yet-created baby food blog. Congratulations J for being the lucky winner. Much virtual love and a pat on the head, as promised. Thanks to everyone for your great suggestions, unfortunately for you I have had a long-standing admiration of the word "mush". So there it is. For those who offered their own contributions, they will be very welcome once I get it up (heh) and running. I hope Monday is the day, but it all depends on whether P decides that 4.30am really is the optimum waking time or not. I vote no.


Anonymous said...

I'm honored to win this award. I'd like to thank the acadamy, g-d, my lovely wife, and to all of you out there, if you have a dream, dare to dream it. Let me be your inspiration.

Nico said...

I'm really looking forward to it!

I definitely vote no on the 4:30 wake up. Ant has also decided that's a great time to be up for the day. Me? Not so much!

Anonymous said...

4:30 was a great time to be up when I was in college and not quite ready to go to bed.

Eggs Akimbo said...

I have some good recipes...curry chicken rice is a particular favorite of baby akimbo!

Kristi said...

Future P sounds like a kid I wouldn't mind hanging around with. And 4:30 is not a civilized time for any creature to be awake.

PiquantMolly said...

I can hereby note that P did choose 4:30 AM as her wakeup time. I was still awake at 10:30 last night when Ms. Prufrock popped up on my AIM messenger. Since she's 6 hours ahead of me, 4:30 it was.

Poor dear.

Pru, not P.

P needed to go back to bed, the darling little cow.

rockmama said...

That is certainly more enlightening than the last conversation that /I/ heard between two children of the same age.

We were in Yosemite National Park, watching a brown bear foraging nearby when the kids in the back of the pickup truck next to us piped up.

Kid 1:Look at the bear! He's so cute! I want to ride him.

Kid 2:You want to ride the bear? You're gay.

The Lucozade had already done it's work.

Anonymous said...

Oh I like future P, she sounds like my kinda gal!

Did you get to sleep in until 4:45am?

Nico said...

I want my mush!!!


S said...


i like it.

ben makes dire (and patently untrue) pronouncements like that to jack all the time.

jack is always running to me with questions like, "ben told me if i eat broccoli i'll turn green and smelly. is that true?"

Anonymous said...

My three-year-old neice's best one: 'Carrots make you see in the dark... They turn into torches - it's because they are orange.'