Oh, how I hate subjecting you to my dramatic posts. I have the unfortunate inability to write any emotional post without sounding like I've copied the words verbatim from some 13 year old's diary. I'm funny (at times) and swear a lot, I should be writing witty anecdotes about baby poop or the follies of a postpartum sex life, yet here I am waxing crap poetic about my dead dog. Mea culpa dear readers, mea culpa.
Moving on to brighter and slightly more interesting topics, The Dude, P, and myself are venturing over to the States in July to spread joy and cheer to all. We will be staying with my Mom in PA for five long old weeks, so have faith that my flat ass will be noted, as well as my gelatinous Pipgut commented upon.
I am having some difficulty planning what to take, being all new to this parenting thing and travelling with the little grubbit. At the moment we're leaning toward just buying a load of the gear in the US with the assumption that we will leave it all there and use it again during subsequent visits. I get very flustered when out in public with P. for extended periods of time and I don't fancy the potential breakdown at Heathrow resulting from being loaded down with a carseat, luggage, a stroller, and a screaming baby with reflux.
I plan on earmarking a stroller and a high chair for my Mom to buy from that bastion of refined taste, Wal-Mart. However, the carseat thing is really fucking with my incredibly shrinking mind (which is as useful as a turd these days), because I have no idea what the carseat requirements are in the US. In the UK, a child can be put in a forward-facing seat from 20lbs. Additionally, carseats are not uniform and will not fit in every model of car. If this is the same in the US I will struggle a bit since we will be alternating family cars depending on what is available. My brain hurts and I'm getting sweaty palms just thinking what a clusterfuck that might be. Enlighten me please.
I feel incredibly stupid rather than brave for taking a 12 month old on a trans-Atlantic flight. I can't even take her to Starbucks without swearing off any future trips outside the house. She's a lovely baby really, but she is very vocal and incredibly fidgety. I know, I know, she's a bayyyyybeeee, but seriously, my kid is in a league of her own. Her babble is incessant and quite loud, and trying to confine her to a lap or an unmoving stroller is as easy as trying to get a leash on a bumblebee. She has boundless energy, and I put myself near stroke considering how this behaviour will manifest itself when she's a toddler. Any tips on airline travel with a small child? Help! Help!
Since I will be in the US for such a long period of time relative to my previous trips, I hope to meet a blogger or ten. I will be entertaining all comers on a date of my choosing, wearing a crown of pussaries, a necklace made of Puregon Pens and pregnancy tests, and a white cloth draped delicately over my venus mound. I'll probably get tripped up over the logistics since The Dude is a cheap bastard and doesn't want to rent a car, so all these marvelous blogger meetings that are going on in this dreamy little head of mine might never happen. Conversely, if they do happen I'll be fearful that my real life self will bore the tits off any takers. I suppose at the very least they would be able to view my gloriously flat ass in the flesh.