Appropriately, this is my 200th post. I've been terribly disappointed in my blogging for the past 7 or 8 months, which is a long time to assault readers with mediocre or downright crap posts. I seem to have lost something since having P. Correction, since I ceased being depressed about P-related things.
Soon after having P I had a series of existential blog-related crises, when I was not sure the direction this was going. I won't rehash all of that drama, as lord knows we've had enough of it. I felt my obligation was to the IF blogosphere since I'd hung around it for a couple of years. I was fearful that I would become the dreaded mommy blogger and alienate the faithful IF readers I had accumulated in that time. Someone once commented here that there is no reason to be ashamed of being a mommy who blogs, and at the time I sent her a rather defensive email. I claimed she didn't know where I was coming from as she was not an IF blogger herself, but I have come to realise that she's right.
I had a baby. A delightful, beautiful, rather mischevious little girl who is almost a year old, but you would be forgiven for not knowing that based on my blog. Omitting her from my blog aside from the casual reference or name drop has made me frightfully boring. Supressing many mentions of P has left me void of inspiration or wittiness. I reread old posts and wish I had that Pru back again.
The only remedy, other than more cowbell, is to change the direction of this blog a bit. I am going to start being more P and child-centric, because much as I have pushed her to the back of my blogging life, she is the centre of my real life. Those who know me or have read me long enough know that this will not become a blog of sunshine and giggles. I'm still the same twisted, sarcastic person. I have an abiding love of Jay-Z, violent and creative deaths on Rome, and a newfound obsession with googling tales/photos of fetus in fetu. Oddly enough, I think blogging more about my kid will bring out my non-boring-as-fuck side again. Christ on a bike I hope so.
I hope the IF masses (slight exaggeration if my stats are anything to go by) don't flee immediately after reading this post. If we decide to try for another child I'm certain IVF will be the way to go, so once again there will be posts about my love of dearest WHYBAML, drive-bys, and mental assassination attempts on co-workers due to the effects of the poon drugs. Only this time there will be a little strawberry blond creature making the journey all the more interesting.