Please help settle an argument The Dude and I have been having for years.
When wrapping a present, do you tape the first fold of the paper to the object being wrapped? Assuming it is not a book or something with a surface which could be damaged that is.
I am a gift wrapping maestro with unparalled abilities to wrap a present with ease and perfection. All of my presents are aesthetically pleasing, regardless of the shape of the object. Give me a box, I'll wrap it like you've never seen before. Give me a hexagonal prism with spikes comign out of it, I'll do shit to that beyond your wildest dreams. That is, if I'm allowed to tape the first segment of the paper to the present.
The Dude's family have still not gotten used to this method, and constantly moan at me that they can't simply pull the present out of its wrapping. Yet, YET, they ask me to wrap presents for them. People, either you're with me or you're against me. Decide.
So, the eternal question remains begging - do you, or don't you do the first tape?
7/11/2007
7/06/2007
Meet P. Dirt
Have you ever seen the epic David Spade tour de force, Joe Dirt? No? I have. More than once. Oh, and I liked it. Guess what? I also like Dude, Where's My Car?, Saving Silverman, and Billy Madison. As you can see, I have a very sophisticated sense of humour.
Not only is she rocking the mullet like only the spawn of a central Pennsylvanian can, but she rocks the assymetrical mullet. Ah yes...the left side of her head features long flowing locks in the back, but the hair on the opposite side is about an inch and a half shorter. What a trendsetter this kid is.
P shares my love of low-brow comedy. That is why she has chosen to emulate Joe Dirt's fabulous hairdo.
Joe Dirt:
I present P's hair, what we call "Hommage à Joe Dirt":
Not only is she rocking the mullet like only the spawn of a central Pennsylvanian can, but she rocks the assymetrical mullet. Ah yes...the left side of her head features long flowing locks in the back, but the hair on the opposite side is about an inch and a half shorter. What a trendsetter this kid is.
P wants you to know that her slogan is "Business at the front, party in the back." Read it, digest it, live it.
6/30/2007
Other peoples' kids may be annoying, but they sure are funny
So today I'm in my own personal eighth circle of hell, otherwise known as your average toy store. I was trying to manoeuvre P's stroller around the odd dawdling child staring at overpriced Thomas the Tank Engine paraphernalia and lumpy women without an awareness of how much space they and their own strollers take up. I'd already "accidentally" rammed into the heel of a pokey Crocs-wearing woman earlier in the shopping expedition, so bloodlust was at the ready.
Amazingly, two little girls, about 8 years old, lightened my mood. Witness, an exchange including a child that I hope P to be like someday:
Future P (saying to her friend, who was drinking Lucozade - a fizzy energy drink like Gatorade but carbonated): "I once saw a thing on TV where people poured 5 litres of Lucozade on a pig brain and the brain turned to mush."
Friend of Future P: "Nuh uh."
FP: "Did too."
FFP: "Well, that's a pig though and I'm human. It's not the same thing."
FP: "Actually, humans and pigs are related." (glancing at friend's Lucozade) "I'm just telling you what I saw." (shrug)
FFP: (looking at Lucozade incredulously and a touch frightened) "Ok."
Yes, so I want my child to be a fear-mongering know-it-all who scares her friends into submission. I'm surprised you think there is something wrong with that.
Ironically, Future P used the magic word - "mush". The name of my new, as-yet-created baby food blog. Congratulations J for being the lucky winner. Much virtual love and a pat on the head, as promised. Thanks to everyone for your great suggestions, unfortunately for you I have had a long-standing admiration of the word "mush". So there it is. For those who offered their own contributions, they will be very welcome once I get it up (heh) and running. I hope Monday is the day, but it all depends on whether P decides that 4.30am really is the optimum waking time or not. I vote no.
Amazingly, two little girls, about 8 years old, lightened my mood. Witness, an exchange including a child that I hope P to be like someday:
Future P (saying to her friend, who was drinking Lucozade - a fizzy energy drink like Gatorade but carbonated): "I once saw a thing on TV where people poured 5 litres of Lucozade on a pig brain and the brain turned to mush."
Friend of Future P: "Nuh uh."
FP: "Did too."
FFP: "Well, that's a pig though and I'm human. It's not the same thing."
FP: "Actually, humans and pigs are related." (glancing at friend's Lucozade) "I'm just telling you what I saw." (shrug)
FFP: (looking at Lucozade incredulously and a touch frightened) "Ok."
Yes, so I want my child to be a fear-mongering know-it-all who scares her friends into submission. I'm surprised you think there is something wrong with that.
Ironically, Future P used the magic word - "mush". The name of my new, as-yet-created baby food blog. Congratulations J for being the lucky winner. Much virtual love and a pat on the head, as promised. Thanks to everyone for your great suggestions, unfortunately for you I have had a long-standing admiration of the word "mush". So there it is. For those who offered their own contributions, they will be very welcome once I get it up (heh) and running. I hope Monday is the day, but it all depends on whether P decides that 4.30am really is the optimum waking time or not. I vote no.
6/26/2007
Eat me
I'd love to say I'm referencing Alice in Wonderland, but let's be honest - I just like saying "eat me". As an aside, Lewis Carroll...fucked up or what? Well, allegedly.
Anyway, I need your help. I'm all Bree Van De Kamp Hodge up in here, cooking each of P's meals, cleaning regularly, ironing, vacuuming, dusting. People, I'm DUSTING. Not every day, or even every week, but swiffing a thing around casually every once in awhile. I still hate cleaning, but I'll confess something - I love making baby food. I chalk it up to a childhood obsession with watching a worn out VHS copy of Baby Boom, a movie which surely has inspired you all at some point.
Surprisingly there is a bit of a lack of sites with baby food recipes on the internet. As Kristi referenced here a few months ago, by 12 months of age, American babies will have eaten about 600 jars of mass produced baby food. The figures for a baby in Western Europe is 240/year, and in Eastern Europe, 12/year. 600 jars of bland food with questionable ingredients. I know a lot of parents don't have a choice because of work and other commitments, but as I am still aservant SAHM I might as well make the effort while I still can. Lord knows I have to make up for the clusterfuck that was breastfeeding.
I am endevouring to starting my own baby flood blog in addition to this one in the hopes that other parents might be inspired to make their own food, or for those already making baby food, give them new ideas. My first question is - is it legal to put up some recipes from a few of the books I have if I give credit to the author? Second, and by far the most important is, what do I call said blog?
It seems strange to take up yet another responsibility when I can't even find time to respond to emails (I'm working on it!), but this is my new obsession, so I'm at least going to try it and see how it goes.
So, I'm open to suggestions on both of the points I raised above. If I go with one of the suggested titles I will award the winner a virtual pat on the head and the knowledge that I love them, if even for a moment. You can't put a price on that.
Anyway, I need your help. I'm all Bree Van De Kamp Hodge up in here, cooking each of P's meals, cleaning regularly, ironing, vacuuming, dusting. People, I'm DUSTING. Not every day, or even every week, but swiffing a thing around casually every once in awhile. I still hate cleaning, but I'll confess something - I love making baby food. I chalk it up to a childhood obsession with watching a worn out VHS copy of Baby Boom, a movie which surely has inspired you all at some point.
Surprisingly there is a bit of a lack of sites with baby food recipes on the internet. As Kristi referenced here a few months ago, by 12 months of age, American babies will have eaten about 600 jars of mass produced baby food. The figures for a baby in Western Europe is 240/year, and in Eastern Europe, 12/year. 600 jars of bland food with questionable ingredients. I know a lot of parents don't have a choice because of work and other commitments, but as I am still a
I am endevouring to starting my own baby flood blog in addition to this one in the hopes that other parents might be inspired to make their own food, or for those already making baby food, give them new ideas. My first question is - is it legal to put up some recipes from a few of the books I have if I give credit to the author? Second, and by far the most important is, what do I call said blog?
It seems strange to take up yet another responsibility when I can't even find time to respond to emails (I'm working on it!), but this is my new obsession, so I'm at least going to try it and see how it goes.
So, I'm open to suggestions on both of the points I raised above. If I go with one of the suggested titles I will award the winner a virtual pat on the head and the knowledge that I love them, if even for a moment. You can't put a price on that.
6/21/2007
Turn of the tide
Appropriately, this is my 200th post. I've been terribly disappointed in my blogging for the past 7 or 8 months, which is a long time to assault readers with mediocre or downright crap posts. I seem to have lost something since having P. Correction, since I ceased being depressed about P-related things.
Soon after having P I had a series of existential blog-related crises, when I was not sure the direction this was going. I won't rehash all of that drama, as lord knows we've had enough of it. I felt my obligation was to the IF blogosphere since I'd hung around it for a couple of years. I was fearful that I would become the dreaded mommy blogger and alienate the faithful IF readers I had accumulated in that time. Someone once commented here that there is no reason to be ashamed of being a mommy who blogs, and at the time I sent her a rather defensive email. I claimed she didn't know where I was coming from as she was not an IF blogger herself, but I have come to realise that she's right.
I had a baby. A delightful, beautiful, rather mischevious little girl who is almost a year old, but you would be forgiven for not knowing that based on my blog. Omitting her from my blog aside from the casual reference or name drop has made me frightfully boring. Supressing many mentions of P has left me void of inspiration or wittiness. I reread old posts and wish I had that Pru back again.
The only remedy, other than more cowbell, is to change the direction of this blog a bit. I am going to start being more P and child-centric, because much as I have pushed her to the back of my blogging life, she is the centre of my real life. Those who know me or have read me long enough know that this will not become a blog of sunshine and giggles. I'm still the same twisted, sarcastic person. I have an abiding love of Jay-Z, violent and creative deaths on Rome, and a newfound obsession with googling tales/photos of fetus in fetu. Oddly enough, I think blogging more about my kid will bring out my non-boring-as-fuck side again. Christ on a bike I hope so.
I hope the IF masses (slight exaggeration if my stats are anything to go by) don't flee immediately after reading this post. If we decide to try for another child I'm certain IVF will be the way to go, so once again there will be posts about my love of dearest WHYBAML, drive-bys, and mental assassination attempts on co-workers due to the effects of the poon drugs. Only this time there will be a little strawberry blond creature making the journey all the more interesting.
Soon after having P I had a series of existential blog-related crises, when I was not sure the direction this was going. I won't rehash all of that drama, as lord knows we've had enough of it. I felt my obligation was to the IF blogosphere since I'd hung around it for a couple of years. I was fearful that I would become the dreaded mommy blogger and alienate the faithful IF readers I had accumulated in that time. Someone once commented here that there is no reason to be ashamed of being a mommy who blogs, and at the time I sent her a rather defensive email. I claimed she didn't know where I was coming from as she was not an IF blogger herself, but I have come to realise that she's right.
I had a baby. A delightful, beautiful, rather mischevious little girl who is almost a year old, but you would be forgiven for not knowing that based on my blog. Omitting her from my blog aside from the casual reference or name drop has made me frightfully boring. Supressing many mentions of P has left me void of inspiration or wittiness. I reread old posts and wish I had that Pru back again.
The only remedy, other than more cowbell, is to change the direction of this blog a bit. I am going to start being more P and child-centric, because much as I have pushed her to the back of my blogging life, she is the centre of my real life. Those who know me or have read me long enough know that this will not become a blog of sunshine and giggles. I'm still the same twisted, sarcastic person. I have an abiding love of Jay-Z, violent and creative deaths on Rome, and a newfound obsession with googling tales/photos of fetus in fetu. Oddly enough, I think blogging more about my kid will bring out my non-boring-as-fuck side again. Christ on a bike I hope so.
I hope the IF masses (slight exaggeration if my stats are anything to go by) don't flee immediately after reading this post. If we decide to try for another child I'm certain IVF will be the way to go, so once again there will be posts about my love of dearest WHYBAML, drive-bys, and mental assassination attempts on co-workers due to the effects of the poon drugs. Only this time there will be a little strawberry blond creature making the journey all the more interesting.
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