Guest Post: MuSex Monday

Hi friends. It's Molly. Remember me? I used to, um, blog?

To get back into the swing of things, your favorite sassy redheaded librarian invited herself to blog here on Music Monday. Perhaps I’ll post on my own blog sometime too! Don’t get your hopes up. I am very lazy.

As Ms. Pru mentioned in her last Music Monday post, The Guardian is publishing its list of 1000 Songs Everyone Must Hear. The list is largely Brit-centric (I mean, I’m sure there are a few Americans who adore the band Elbow, but, you know) but there are some fabulous songs on there. My favorite of which have to be the Sex Songs. Surprised?

I’ll begin with the best -- if you listen to no other songs on this list, listen to this one. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, the sexiest song I have ever heard in my life. (If there are young children about, you may want to pop on headphones. Though it may be interesting to hear your reply to “why that nice lady is making those strange noises?”) Serge Gainsbourg originally recorded this song with Brigitte Bardot – this recording is with his wife, Jane Birkin.



----------

OK, calm down, girls. How about a bit of classic bluesy-smut from Ms. Bessie Smith. “He was a deep sea diver with a stroke that could not go wrong.” Atta girl. Recorded in 1928, when Smith was at the height of her popularity.



----------

Mmmm hmmm.

Now, I love Moulin Rouge! as much as the next guy, but having Xtina and Pink (ugh) pounded in to my head for years afterwards has nearly obliterated the awesome original version of LaBelle’s “Lady Marmalade” from my head. I don’t think I realized that the lyrics said “Creole Lady Marmalade” until after I had moved to Louisiana and actually knew what a Creole was. You need to watch this, if only to see the costumes.



----------

And now, Etta James. Listen to the edge of ferocity and drip of sex in her voice. She was 22 when she made this recording.



----------

I was surprised to see Little Richard’s “Tutti Frutti” on the list, until I read this description: “Richard Penniman was an undistinguished R&B shouter when he began recording with Robert “Bumps” Blackwell. When their session was going badly, the assembled went to a nearby bar and the openly gay singer entertained them with a ribald ditty about the benefits of applying grease before attempting anal sex. Blackwell heard gold, got Dorothy LaBostrie to clean up the lyrics, and Little Richard unleashed the screams that forever define the polymorphous perversity of rock’n’roll.”

I assure you, you will never hear “Tutti Frutti” the same way again.



----------

Because I am Molly, you’re not getting out of here without any Barbra. This is actually the only Barbra song of the whole 1000 (which is slightly baffling to me. Not even “Evergreen?” “People?”), and while I don’t think there’s anything overtly sexy about this song, there are ear-boxing shoulderpads and Barry Gibb with a mullet and pointy boots, and if those don’t suggest sex, then I don’t know what does.



----------

Having said all of this, there are a few notable omissions from the Sex list. I think both Ms. Pru and I would agree that any sex list should really include N*E*R*D’s “LapDance.” Raunchy all around, from the lyrics to the guitar riff. I love that the youTube description on this one is simply: “hottest song to strip to.” I’m a dirty dog, indeed.



----------

And one last song that should be there, but isn’t: Flight of the Conchords, “Sugalumps.” This song is in my head constantly. So are Jemaine’s sugalumps, incidentally.



----------

What do you think, ladies? What are the sexiest songs ever?