An open letter

Dear Asshole(s),

Thank you for breaking into our flat yesterday and taking what is not yours to take. I can see why junkies would need a few inexpensive men's rings and a US university class ring to sell on for a few quid. It's a shame for you that you are so stupid as to be in possession of such a unique item as an MBA class ring from a US university when you are in the UK. If this is ever traced back to you, your guilt will be hard to dispute.

The laptop was an easy target - too bad it's a standard Dell laptop with a broken sound card. If you're lucky you might get get £100 which will buy you, what, enough smack to last you a few days? Perhaps a tacky gold necklace from Argos for your chav girlfriend, no doubt called Jade, or something equally trashy. I don't miss the laptop itself, but my lack of foresight and stupid, unwavering faith in other human beings means that all the photos of the first 18 months of my daughter's life are gone since I never backed them up on disk or USB. Thankfully I have a private blog which hosts many photos since her birth, but hundreds are gone never to be seen again by those who love her. Thank you most of all for this. You could have taken any of the other material things, but this is what makes me want to rip your fucking head(s) off. How dare you have this access to our lives, to all those photographs of my daughter, who is thankfully young enough to be blissfully unaware of shitbags such as yourself(-elves).

You managed to leave behind the one piece of truly expensive jewellery that I own, my engagement ring. It was sitting right on top of my jewellery box that you sifted through, casually throwing some earrings onto the floor and our bed. I assume you don't know proper jewellery when you see it, after all, someone who is used to dodgy "gold" and cheap tack aren't likely to know what diamonds and platinum are. So, thank you for yet again being a complete fucktard. Me and the symbolic nature of my engagement ring are very grateful for your ignorance.

That's all you managed to take in the minute or two you must have spent in our house after kicking in the door. You left the 42" plasma, DVD recorder, internet radio, passports, and digital camera. A friend said I should be thankful you didn't opt to shit or piss on any of our belongings, as apparently your kind are wont to do this sort of vile behaviour. By the grace of whoever, you were either to stupid and/or high but do much more than this smash and grab, so for that we are lucky.

Aside from the material aspect of things, you have compromised the safety of me and my family. My daughter could have been in the house on another day, another time. Rest assured, had you kicked in the door and we had been present, I would have had no hesitation in stabbing you with the nearest sharp object. Though I am a pacifist, the thought of your soulless character(s) being in my space where my innocent daughter plays happily makes me want to kill you. Now, on the days that I spend at home with her, I will have to double lock the door. A place that I once felt was infinitely safe is no more. Your fingerprints and footprints marked your presence after the police left, and I washed them away frantically in an effort to forget that you had been in my bedroom, touched my clothes, sat on my bed.

I take solace in the fact that you will no doubt live the rest of your pitiful existence as a thief, believing that taking from others is in any way rewarding. I have nice things because I work hard to have them. You may have someone's television, or the money made from selling it, but that is your life and it is likely to be all that you ever have. One day you'll find yourself in your 50s, an aimless loser in a dingy flat, still taking what is not yours. I hope it's all worth it.