9/11/2007

Melancholia

Number of times crying child is left at nursery while her mother walks away : 2

Quality time squeezed into the 2 hours post-nursery, pre-bed: minimal

Thoughts of maternal inadequacy : constant stream every day, all day

Internal conflict re: desire to work full-time vs role of mother : raging and guilt-inducing from both sides

General fuckupedness and discontent with all matters life-related : present and causing an omnipresent lump in throat, upset stomach, and obscene amounts of bodily tension

Melodrama : reluctantly reported above

Sigh.

10 comments:

May said...

Oh dear. Poor you. I hate the 'damned if we do, damned if we don't' scenarios. So very very bad for the digestion.

Fingers crossed she settles down soon and starts to enjoy nursery. My niece enjoys hers so much her mother is getting obscenely jealous of the nursery staff. Or is that not a helpful remark?

Lori said...

I hope you don't mind if I copy and paste this entry in to my own blog sometime next week??
I'm sorry you're having a hard time - nothing is ever easy is it?

PiquantMolly said...

Oh, darling.

You think that's bad? Think how horrible I'll feel when I have to leave my new kitten at home when I go to work next week!

I kid.

Just remember that the majority of women our age are children of daycare, and look at how fantastic we turned out. I was at daycare from 6 weeks on, and I am the most fantastic person I know.

Suz said...

I'm sorry, Pru. It's a hard transition, it really, really is.

MoMo said...

Hi...I'm a lurker. But I just want to say the transition is hard-and you always question yourself if you are making the right decision for both you and your baby. Oh, do I know that feeling of wanting to work full time and taking care of my child!! Unfortunately, I don't think it will ever go away! Hang in there.

Jennifer said...

So sorry, Pru. It was so hard for us too. Now Olivia smiles and laughs when she gets to daycare. It's still hard for me some days...

Kristi said...

Oh Pru, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure P is just going through an adjustment period, and in no time at all will love going to nursery.

In the meantime, drink heavily. This always helps me.

tonya said...

Oh man... that sucks Pru. I so remember leaving my girl, first with a shared nanny, then at preschool, and how she cried and cried. Heartbreaking, and I battled myself every day over it. Was I doing the "right" thing? I had no choice financially.

I can attest to how they adjust and how much my daughter (just started Kindergarten) still talks about missing her preschool. It is an especially hard transition, though. I eventually had my hubby do drop-offs, and it got much better. (She knew how to push my buttons, even way back then.)

This time, I don't have to consider going back to work until next month (Tiny Boy will be 15 mo.). I refuse to think about it until then.

I do hope it gets easier for you soon.

Eva said...

Our adjustment (babes and me) to daycare was really hard. I felt so guilty leaving them there crying. Even now 6 months later, on days they don't want me to leave, I feel guilty. And I often think how few waking hours I spend with them during the week, and how they're mostly about nursing and eating and bath time and diaper changes.

On the other hand, I'm a better mother because I have an outlet; I would not be a great SAHM, I don't think. And I do really appreciate or time together on the weekends in ways I wouldn't if we were always together. That's how I justify it to myself, anyway.

I hope things get easier for you very soon. My kiddos do love their daycare now.

Angela said...

Wait a minute. Did you get your hands on my shrink's notes?