1/20/2007

Time flies when you're mentally unstable

Somewhere between maternal instability and reflux P. turned six months old. Friday marked the exact date of this occasion, and I breathed a sigh of relief or ten for keeping a baby alive for this long. Only another 17 years and 6 months until I am home free and she is responsible for keeping her heart beating herself.

I'm surprised these six months have gone by so quickly considering the first three months of her life were most certainly the worst of my life. I do wonder sometimes if she will one day read all I've written since her birth and wonder if I ever really wanted her for those first few months. In retrospect, things are better, just as many of you predicted they would be. Nonetheless, I wouldn't want to repeat those months for anything, and had the misery continued I would have cursed Patrick Steptoe and Robert Edwards to an eternity of self-administration of hormone-filled needles to the testicles. Louise Brown would suffer solely through guilt by association for being the first product of a procedure that brought little hell beasts to desperate women who thought they wanted a child until they actually had one.

Ahem. Luckily, the anti-reflux medication has allowed my true child to emerge, and she is wonderful. The only time she cries is when I leave her on her playmat too long, which is generally the time I'm trying to watch Roseanne repeats that I've seen hundreds of times. Though I've not had her weighed in a few weeks, I suspect she is 15 - 15 1/2 pounds, which is about 10 pounds more than her birth weight. She's a complete glutton who has taken to every single food I have introduced to her during the weaning process, with a particular fondness for carrot and apple puree. Yum.

Speaking of purees, I am making them myself and freezing them. I'm sure the words "big fucking deal" are on the lips of many of you, but this is a huge accomplishment for me. I am in no way domestically gifted, so for me to go into a kitchen, prepare a food and freeze it for FUTURE USE...well, it's a shocking turn of events, let me tell you. I am Little Miss Suzy Homemaker up in here. Some days I even multi-task, doing dishes, laundry, general cleaning up, as well as standard baby duties. Don't worry gentle readers, even though I may start sporting a beehive and a starched, ironed apron, I'll still be listening to Jay - Z whilst pureeing my little heart out. As he says in the seminal work, Dirt Off Your Shoulders, "Ladies is pimps too, so go and brush your shoulders off". Naturally, as far as my life is concerned this is only superceded by the line, "Green for the money, yellow for the honeys", from 50 Cent's masterpiece P-I-M-P, which, duh, is totally the story of my life. Pardon me for the rap lyric diversion, I get carried away sometimes reminding myself that you can retain non mom-ish aspects of your personality after you pop one out.

So yeah...back to the kid. I do feel rather silly for gushing about P. turning 6 months, given that it's such a minor milestone. It's like when you have kindergarten graduation - what's the point in all the celebration? Was anyone ever in doubt that you couldn't handle the rigours of kindergarten and burn out before first grade? I don't imagine there were many that thought P. wouldn't make it to this point, aside from myself. Those dodgy days spent under the duvet, shaking uncontrollably and crying to the point of almost vomiting...those were the times it all seemed rather tenuous.

I have read so many blogging ruminations on the wonder of children reaching certain stages. Many are beautifully written, filled with amazement that this amazing creature is thriving and growing so quickly. Me, I just quote rappers. The difference between myself and those other bloggers is vast. I don't often feel capable of writing flowery prose about the glory of my child. I feel as if it makes me seem emotionally detached, since I can only seem to put the negative aspects of my experience into words. However, when I look at her and actually think that I have a daughter, that I am her mother, I don't know if words can ever do justice to the emotions I feel. Well, no words I possess anyway.

I don't do this very often, but here is some gratuitious baby eye candy. Here's to making it another 6 months, and hopefully many more, kid.

21 comments:

Panda said...

Oh look at those big eyes!

It IS a marvellous thing to have your baby make it to six months. It means you didnt leave her out for hard rubbish collection or eat her head.

Both were on the cards in this house.

Flicka said...

She's ADORABLE!! Totally worth all those days spent shaking and crying under the duvet (you poor thing!)

I love that you listen to Jay-Z and 50 Cent.

Kristi said...

Love the picture. And love the fact that you're so "real" in how you write about motherhood. Rock on, girlfriend. ;)

julia said...

Good grief, she is adorable!

Mine will be six months in a couple of weeks, too. They're amazing at that age.

DD said...

She looks just as amazed at the prospect of making it to 6 mos. That or the bananas have made a glorious exit.

Thalia said...

She is really lovely, Pru, and I continue to admire you for writing it like it is. Please keep it up.

statia said...

I love the look on her face. "My mum is CRAZY!!!"

And seriously, those cheeks. She's lucky she's like 5000 miles away, or I'd pinch them.

Mollywogger said...

Oh, the cute, cute cuteness.

Happy 6 months, little Bug.

susie said...

Gorgeous little thing. I am so glad things are going better. Hooray!

Hetty Fauxvert said...

Wow, Miss P is one photogenic little doll, isn't she?!

Congrats on making it this far. I hear it gets easier as you go along.

electriclady said...

It's a good thing you DIDN'T write some mushy gushy paean to the 6-month mark, as I would definitely not be able to handle it in my current late-pregnancy teary state. Bad enough that P. is so RIDICULOUSLY CUTE that I, too, pretty much want to rush over and squeeze her. Congrats on making it to 6 months--it IS a big milestone.

GA said...

GAAAH. I asked when I could see her again, not even thinking that you might have posted a picture! Lordy she is a cutie pie. Thank you! And more on the rest of the post later...really.

Ova Girl said...

Nah Pru. You do good words. And she is divine. Can we match her up with Tricky now?

rockmama-in-waiting said...

It don't come much cuter than that, folks. and I think that six months of managing to keep your shit together despite everything is TOTALLY worth celebrating!

Shadiva said...

You've earned the right to celebrate keeping a child alive for 6 months! That's a long time of dirty diapers, spit up and smelling like baby vomit! I'm celebrating when my daughter turns 6 months too!

She's gorgeous, by the way.

Rachel said...

Too freaking cute! She looks exactly like you, which makes you pretty cute, too!

I think every milestone should be celebrated, perhaps the small ones especially. It's just another excuse for cake!

So, gush. Do. And don't apologize!

(unrelated: the last three letters I have to type in to post my comment are Jillian's initials!)

Foxxy One said...

Stunning - just stunning!

Lut C. said...

Parental control stickers, my a$$. ;-)

She's too cute!

Alexa said...

She is, as usual, absolutely scrumptious. And may I just take this opportunity to tell you that your tale of early motherhood is the one that assures me that it will all be ok? The ones that insist that new motherhood is all wonderful I don't trust, but seeing that you had such a hard time and yet came out on the other side in love with your daughter and quoting Jay-Z calms me, somehow.

laura said...

I love the way to state it: "desperate women who thought they wanted a child until they actually had one." I think that describes so many of us, so well!

Happy you're happy!

cat said...

Holy crap woman... that is a beautiful child... finally found you again, hurrah!

Congrats to you all on six months well lived.