There is no baby here today

I was going to write about my awful breastfeeding experiences and how I hate the "b" word now, but I'll give you all a break from my baby-related experiences for awhile lest you collectively start to jump ship. Instead, I've chosen to talk about me, me, me. You know, for a change.

I've written previously about my blog persona versus my real life self. I often think that those who read my blog would be severely disappointed in me in reality, as I think my blog persona is how I'd like to be in real life, as opposed to who I truly am. For instance, my language is not nearly so naughty. Based on Blog Pru, you'd think I went to the Al Swearengen School of Charm. Real Pru usually only swears in the presence of The Dude and Little Ms P. I do preface my swearing by shouting "EARMUFFS!" at P. in the hopes that she'll cover her ears and not be sullied by my foul language. I have had the good fortune to speak on the phone with another graduate of Al's School of Charm, my Cheese Wife, and neither one of us have sworn thus far. How we do it, I just don't know. For the record, Little Ms P's future MIL, Lumi, does maintain her blog persona in real life. Just hours after giving birth to the gorgeous Lucy, Lumi was all about the various uses of the word, "fuck". You gotta love that consistency.

So anyway, before I rattle on about myself in the form of two (yes, two!!) questionnaires that have circulated through the blogosphere lately, I'd like to know how representative you think your blog self is of you. Perhaps even some of you are more fascinating in real life than you are in your blogging life. Oh, how envious I am of you.

Questionnaire No. 1, courtesy of one Cheese Wife:

One book that changed your life: Wow, that's a tall order, isn't it? In what will be the start of a series of vague answers to this questionnaire, I can't say that any one book has changed my life. Corny as it sounds, I think my answer would be any books by Beverley Cleary and Judy Blume. Their books inspired me to have something to read with me at all times throughout my childhood. This often extended to cereal boxes and paint cans, but hey...that thirst for books was created, right? I will leave out my eventual, preteen love of the Babysitter's Club and Sweet Valley High series.

One book that you've read more than once: Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita. I read it once, and subsequently read it again. I love me some Nabokov.

One book you would want on a desert island: Naked, by David Sedaris. If I'm stranded on a desert island I sure as hell want to have something to laugh about.

One book that made you laugh: See Sedaris, above. If you have not read any of David Sedaris' work, get thee self to Amazon right away. I first read Me Talk Pretty One Day in my college library between classes over a 2 day period. I got really cosy in a plump armchair and laughed until my eyes were devoid of any more tears and my stomach felt as if it would burst. I got a lot of strange looks from other people in the library, but my god was it ever worth it.

One book that made you cry: I've cried reading the newspaper, so it isn't much of a challenge to make me cry. Most recently, I suppose it was The Time Traveller's Wife. As someone who has the constant morbid thought that her spouse will die and leave her to raise a child alone, it really resonated with me. The entire book was tragic and depressing, which is just my style.

One book that you wish had been written: Not a book per se, but I always liked the work of Christopher Marlowe and wished he hadn't come to such an unfortunate end at the ripe old age of 29. I mean, the man wrote Dr Faustus and met his end via a knife above the eye. That's harsh. How can you not be intrigued by a man that is described on one website as a "rakehell"?

One book that you wish had never been written: Ann Coulter

The book that you are currently reading: Who has the time? It took me three weeks to read one newspaper. I have a bunch of books sitting in the bookcase begging to be read, but isn't that always the case?

One book that you have been meaning to read: Too many to count. I read the book reviews in the Guardian every weekend and lament that it will take me decades to read all that I would like to.

Questionnaire No. 2, stolen from Bri at Unwellness:

What songs would you have on your personal "meaningful mix" CD?

1) A favorite political track: This is hard already. I'll say Man in Black by Johnny Cash. Yeah, it's political. I think.

2) One of those tracks that make you dance on the dancefloor no matter what: If by "dancefloor" you mean my worn out nasty-ass carpet in my lounge, then it is Rockstar by N.E.R.D

3) The song you’d use to tell someone you love them: Speak to me Someone by Gene, and I have.

4) A song that has made you sit down and analyze its lyrics: I never read liner notes. I make up my own lyrics if I have any doubts.

5) A song that you like, that a two year old would like as well: Send Me on My Way by Rusted Root. I stole that from Bri, who in turn stole it from someone else. It's just that kinda song I guess.

6) A song that gives you an energy boost: Common People by Pulp

7) A song that you and your grandparents (would probably) like: I can't think of anything. My grandpa (the only grandparent I knew) was solely a wartime music kind of person. Chattanooga Choo Choo and all that.

8) A song that you really liked when you were 14-16, and still really like now: The Queen is Dead, by The Smiths. Well, anything by The Smiths.

9) A sad song that would be in the soundtrack of the movie about your life: Hurt, by Johnny Cash. I dare you not to cry.

10) A peppy song that would start the opening credits of the movie about your life: Me, peppy? Haha.

11) A good song from a genre of music that no one would guess that you liked: 99 Problems by Jay Z. I'm all about Jay Z.

12) A song that you think should have been playing when you were born: Ring of Fire, get it? Get it? Yeah...bad joke.

13) A favorite artist duo collaboration: Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan, You Are My Sunshine. I know, another Johnny song. I can't help it, Johnny rules.

14) A favorite song that you completely disagree with (politically, morally, commonsenically,religiously etc.): This is hard. So hard, I don't have an answer.

15) The song that you like despite the fact your IQ level drops several points every time you listen to it: This list could go on and on. I am a total pop music whore. My most recent obsession is Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado. Love. that. song.

16) Your smooth song, for relaxing: The Sprout and the Bean, Joanna Newsom

17) A song you would send to someone you hate or are mad at: Untouchable Face, Ani DiFranco

18) A favorite track from an outfit considered a “super-group”: Bootylicious, Destiny's Child. Yay for Destiny's Child.

19) A song that makes you reminsce about good times with a family member: Blaze of Glory, Bon Jovi. I know. My brother and I shared the Young Guns II soundtrack on tape and would lay under his bunk bed and sing along. That, my friends, is the epitome of cool.

20) Your favorite song at this moment in time: When You Were Young, The Killers. The lead singer, Brandon Flowers, is rocking the Deadwood chic look in this video and for some reason I find this hot. Really hot.

Phew. I'm tired now. Please feel free to provide your own answers to these questions in the comments sections or on your own blogs. I need some diversions from sticking my tit in a pump and eeking out the small amount of milk I'm capable of producing. Help me out here.