You know how I just wrote a post about my daughter's immense popularity at nursery? She of the multitude of adoring fans? I mentioned how I am so very far from that issue myself, and as if to illustrate this point further for me, nay, underline it in very bold, capitalised type, I was told this the other day by a friend regarding a mutual friend of ours:
"X says that she doesn't really get you."
Pardon? She doesn't get me? What is there to get anyway? I'm an open bloody book, me. I had a Miranda from Sex and the City moment when Carrie's new boyfriend told her that Miranda's date wasn't calling her because, "he's just not that into you". Miranda was shocked at this revelation, then upon further musing decided that "he's just not that into you" was the key to all of her should I call/why didn't he call?/how long should I wait to call dilemmas in her dating life, and she was thus enlightened, passing the gospel on to other women in similar positions.
I have been mulling over this statement over and over in the past few days, but now I've made peace with the fact that X doesn't get me. She doesn't get me - a flaw of hers surely rather than an indictment of my own personality. The Dude disagrees, cruelly labelling me as cold and detached. Yes, my loving husband, father of my child, views me as cold and detached. What hope do I have to make friends? I'm up against it here people.
The Dude claims that his family are scared of me, and that many people I meet are intimidated by me. I can't work this out at all, as I am quite possibly the world's most meek and reserved person. I gradually come out to be the person I am on this blog, but it takes awhile. X has known me since before our babies were born (she's in my Mums and Babies group), and we have spent quite a lot of time together, so I'm a bit surprised she still feels as if she doesn't know me. She has cracked this "cold" exterior, what's the problem?
I'm guessing it's the sarcasm. The cynicism. The very, very, bone dry wit. It's not even the swearing - I curb that in real life around people I don't know spectacularly well, so I would have kept the swearing to a minimum. No errant "motherfuckers", no casual use of the much beloved "fucktard". None of that. I have been very mannered and more or less me. That makes me ungettable.
I would call on those of you that know me personally to comment, but then I'm forced to acknowledge that only one person from my non-blogging life reads this, and he only came upon this blog due to my stupidity. Tim - if you haven't been put off reading about my menstrual cycle and lady problems, am I ungettable? Am I hard to get to know?
The only other person (to my knowledge) who reads this blog and has met me is The Cheese Hand, and she'll just tell me whatever I want to hear in the hopes of being able to feel me up next time we meet. :::cough::: SLUT. Molly - this is your shout out now - am I hard to "get"? When we joined lips and souls in the airport arrivals lounge, did you pause to think how inaccessible I was? When we were driving to Gettysburg, hands entwined over the gearshift, did you lament my ungettableness?
So, please do tell me - do I come across as hard to "get" on this blog? If I do just within the context of a blog, I suppose getting to know me in real life is an impossibility. A once regular reader of my blog left a comment long ago stating that I have a barrier up when I write, and I always seemed to be hiding something, never feeling as if I could be myself. If that was true at one time, it certainly isn't anymore. Look at my posts from early in P's life. If I was witholding any emotions then I dread to think what depths I was truly in.
Maybe it isn't a witholding thing, but perhaps I'm just objectionable. Who knows? I will just bear this burden of ungettableness and soldier on, ever seeking to be "gotten".
23 comments:
I am considered to be completely ungettable too, also intimidating and, what was it my sister said? Oh yes: 'uninvolved'. No idea what that means. She was flapping her hands at the time and I rather tuned out... Ah.
Hey, are you stealing my personality?
There is a certain sort of person (me! me!) who is 'ungettable' simply because they have rather different interests to the 'herd'. I use herd as nicely as possible, of course. But I don't watch the same TV or read the same magazines or give a monkey's about the same celebrities as 'them', which tends to drop something of a portcullis in many many avenues of conversation.
And, who am I kidding. I really am a secretive, uncaring, cold-hearted sarcastic little* fish of a woman, and that's all there is to it.
But I think I get you. Or, I thought I got you. Or, no, wait, is this all coming out wrong?
*'Little' in the sense of not actually being the size of a blue whale, just at present.
I feel like I get you, but I come from a long line of sarcastic, cynical, SOBs with very dry wit and a love a black humor.
Doesn't sound so appealing when I say it like that, but I do love it.
I wish I could say I get you ... but we've only just met recently :)
I too think others find me ungettable. My social ills find me able to talk about the banalities in my life, but my deep fear of intrusion often prevents me from doing the polite inquiries of other's lives. Thus I think I come off self-involved. Plus the cursing and crude, dry, sarcastic, cynical humor doesn't help either.
Perhaps we can all get together for a drink?
Look, it's blatantly obvious that you just want to be liked and if you want me to be your friend, just quit stalking me and trying to be like me. GOD.
You're not so hard to get, my dear. In fact, I rather fancy you. My advice is to simply stop giving a flying fuck about anyone who doesn't immediately ask you to pinky swear that you're BFFs.
Well, her loss, obviously. I don't find you ungettable at all, except in the sense that you continue to REFUSE to come to the midwest so that I can meet you properly. I find you delightful, and can only assume that X's failure to "get" you stems from some failure of her own. Or perhaps she just meant that you are alluring and mysterious?
I most definitely do not share X's views of you. I think you're very honest and real here, and I wouldn't read your blog otherwise.
PS: My in-laws hate me too, and I consider it the highest compliment.
I don't find you ungettable in the slightest. Then again, it is possible that I am delusional and only *think* I am getting you when really I have no clue. Or possibly every single person in the blogosphere, you included, is merely a product of my severely sleep-deprived brain.
um, yeah, not making a lot of sense right now. see above re: sleep deprivation.
You're an enigma, wrapped in a mystery. Hah! I couldn't resist; I've been saving that comment since halfway through the entry. I hope I'm the first pseron to say it.
Ahem, but getting back to you. I don't think you're *that* ungettable. There have been times I haven't really understood you but I mostly ascribe that to me being a cultural moron more than anything else.
"...his family are scared of me, and that many people I meet are intimidated by me. I can't work this out at all, as I am quite possibly the world's most meek and reserved person."
Since all I can say to that is ditto, I guess I'm not gettable either. Fuck 'em.
Huh. I've been told that I'm aloof and a snob and too fucking smart to get. Whatthefuckever, man.
I don't find you ungettable. I think you need to adopt my Whatthefuckever motto. Don't get me? Too bad, so sad, not my fucking problem. One less moron I have to deal with.
I have to agree with may - I don't follow the herd either, for the most part, therefore, people don't get me.
I was told once by a colleague that I was generally viewed by others at work as "cold and unapproachable". I just about fell over. Moi? Fluffy little moi? OK, maybe I can be a little, um, reserved at times but who has time to hug the world and paste on the smiley buttons every day?
If it's any consolation, I totally, 100% get you on this blog. And I like you too. Hugs & kisses.
Yes I was once dismayed to hear that I "put off a don't touch me vibe" in real life.
For what it's worth, I think your personality comes across really strongly here... and I look forward to your posts because you make me laugh. Course, I also get called cynical.
I wish I had more time to discuss... but I get comments sort of like that too. One of my few very close friends, who also happens to be a psychiatrist, says that I'm deceptively easy to get to know initially, but very hard to get past a certain point with. She says I'm the most outgoing introvert she knows.
Anyway... I think you're right that it says more about X than about you.
I think I was ungettable, or some cousin thereof. In school I always seemed to be the one that peripheral friends would come to to say, "So and so thinks you are mad at them." It got so unbearable that as an adult I have taken the approach of shooting from the hip (to a fault). I think not getting you is fine, suggesting that to a 3rd party, well, then I think your beloved 'fucktard' is apppropriate.
Apparently I'm scary too and lots of now friends tell me they thought I was snobby or some similar thing at school when I was actually just painfully shy.
Oh well.
Well, I don't really know you that well yet to comment with authority, but I can say that everything I read here is very "gettable"!
I say this other person just needs to shag off. I like the you I see here, and if she's so put off then maybe it's just not really worth it?
I know there are people in my periphery who don't "get" me as well. Maybe I'm just a bitch, but I've gotten old enough (or stubborn, perhaps) that I don't care so much. The only one who bugs me is my SIL-- her attitude drives me nuts. (She's a selfish nutjob.) I'm sure she thinks the same of me. Her loss!
If they don't get you, then frankly, they might not be worth it. I don't bother trying to go out of my way for people who don't understand the way I am. Their loss.
Of course, I've been told by many people (including my housemate) that when they first met me they were terrified of me. Probably precisely for the reason I stated -- I just don't bother changing who I am. And who I am is the type of person who will say things that no one else will say ("That zit looks like it hurts," "We need to think about doing something with those eyebrows, dear."), talk to anyone, anywhere ("Those are the cutest shoes ever."), and let people know exactly how I feel ("I'd appreciate it if you stop bothering me, thanks.")
But I get you, darling. And isn't that all that really matters?
Pru, it's a GOOD thing that your in-laws are scared of you.
Seriously though, it can feel lonely. Being smart and shy is a tough combination- once you finally get to a "real" conversation, the other person isn't usually interested.
Allow me to join the "ungettable" bench. Also, I can claim membership on the "intimidating", "swearing", and "the family still are suspicious I'm a philandering American whore who will take the children and fuck off back to America, leaving Angus holding his heart in little pieces" (that's a long club title, I usually call that club the "Whatever" club).
Until you can claim you are part of that "Whatever" club, you're gettable. Keep working on it. You have a Whatever Nirvana to achieve.
PS-bloggers tend to be ungettable. We're society's outcasts, all logging in to our MT accounts!
Uh... you don't seem particularly "ungettable" to me -- I think I'm getting you just fine (and liking what I get well enough to check out your blog several times a week) -- but maybe that just means I'm reaaaally NOT getting you, because if I really got you I'd understand that I am, in actual point of fact, not getting you.
Or something like that.
Sympathy on the "intimidating" bit. That's the most common third-party snarky comment I get. Back in college, I found out that my friends (FRIENDS, mind you!) were calling me General Fauxvert. And my own mother bought me a bullwhip as a "gag" gift. (Yeah, gag me all right!) I will admit that I do tend to think that I'm right a lot, but then, I AM right a lot! LOL!
As others have noted, "Whatever!" will take you a long way.
You are NOT alone, my dear. In fact, we might be twins. The cyncism, the sarcasm, the dry, dry wit, the retardedly adorable babies... we might have been separated at birth but I think you are a couple of years younger than I am.
It's okay - the people who "get" you will find you eventually and the rest, well, like you said - there is obviously something wrong with them.
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