tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post3282481293321078601..comments2024-03-09T10:14:49.991+00:00Comments on BarrenAlbion: I gotta get out of this placeMsPrufrockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06533722219016814501noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-28384763445536615922007-02-17T06:17:00.000+00:002007-02-17T06:17:00.000+00:00This post resonated so strongly with me I could ha...This post resonated so strongly with me I could have written it! I went back to work when my (now 18 months old) son was 13 months old. Here in Canada we get very generous mat leave provisions. I could not wait to get back to work. It is not the money, but I love my job as a high school teacher.<BR/><BR/>I feel no guilt, only happiness and pleasure at my professional achievement. My son is thriving in daycare. It is all good and I do not regret one second of it. :-DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-16071300611782381542007-02-14T22:57:00.000+00:002007-02-14T22:57:00.000+00:00If you can afford to be a SAHM, simply go for it.M...If you can afford to be a SAHM, simply go for it.<BR/><BR/>My spouse became a SAHM when ours girl was born 5 years ago. She did not discuss her choice with me, but I support it. My complaint is that she takes my approving of her being a SAHM for granted. I hear no gratitude expressed about the happy opportunities my complaisant attitude makes possible. Several colleagues and friends have criticised my unwillingness to demand that the mother of my child go back to work, as soon as breastfeeding stopped. (They never dreamed, however, that she would breastfeed for a little over 3 years!) <BR/><BR/>Would I have agreed to give up my career to become a SAHD? Yes, if my spouse had a job paying US$60 or more. My job pays a good deal less than that, and I have a fair bit of investment income I can contribute to the family budget willy nilly.<BR/><BR/>Even though 14 weeks paid parental leave is the law where I live and work, my boss urged me to forego taking any leave. Two years later, he boasted of the way he had convinced HR to give him extra workload points in lieu of leave. My requests that I too be offered points in lieu have fallen on deaf ears. My spouse is quite disgruntled by this politically incorrect behaviour on my employer's part.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-31106111055101633582007-02-13T23:30:00.000+00:002007-02-13T23:30:00.000+00:00here in Canada, anyone who's worked more than 600 ...here in Canada, anyone who's worked more than 600 hours in the year previous to delivery can get a full 50 weeks of government-paid parental/maternity leave...35 weeks of which can actually be taken by dad or by a second non-baby-bearing mom in a same sex couple. the loot, while not largess so bountiful as to make me run out and breed more right away, is still enough to make a difference - about $1400 a month. mine ends in two months. <BR/><BR/>and then i need to figure out whether we can make a go of it with me taking p/t sessional teaching, or whether i need a f/t job. i've been doing some work from home over the past ten months and it's harder than i thought - hard to find the time and focus. yet i do like being home with O...and yet we like having money to spend...and yet sometimes i watch O's dad go off to work and i think "you lucky bastard"...so...many things to weigh.Bonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14403701620708365171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-19683123357560755952007-02-12T23:55:00.000+00:002007-02-12T23:55:00.000+00:00I completely agree with you. I thought I'd be bumm...I completely agree with you. <BR/>I thought I'd be bummed to go back to work after my leave, but I was relieved. Granted, it helps that the baby's home with his dad while I'm at work--but still. It's really hard being at home. I do both right now--working 20 hrs/week, so half the time I'm on baby care duty, half the time at work. And I gotta say, going to work feels like I'm "off duty". It's easier, for me. I love being home with my baby, but it's really nice to go to work, too. For a break. And he is a peculiarly "easy" baby. It's still easier to be at work. For me.<BR/>This particularly rings true:<BR/>I admit that prior to having a baby, I thought being a SAHM was a cop-out. I wondered why a woman would want to give up the level of independence that a job provides, allowing the husband to have all of the financial control. Now that I've done the SAHM thing, I have the very highest respect for women that choose to do it. It's not at all for me, but I understand the amount of effort that is required to do it. I want to go back to my job to do less work than I do at home!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-26455567367647920482007-02-09T13:40:00.000+00:002007-02-09T13:40:00.000+00:00The feminist movement has done a really sucky job ...The feminist movement has done a really sucky job on this issue.<BR/><BR/>Let me see...<BR/><BR/>Stay home all day with a major loss of income and where you only get a shower every third day or...<BR/><BR/>Pay through the nose for daycare that makes your kid a 24/7 germ factory and deal with cranky co-workers just as you catch your 500th cold, courtesy of the daycare? Oh, and you have to get up a full 1-2 hours earlier to get everyone out of the house on time. Plus pump (if you're breastfeeding) during the day.<BR/><BR/>Gee. What fun. Women really have such mahvahlous choices these days.<BR/><BR/>As for me, I'm hoping to stay home. I'm know I'm just going to be way too tired to be any good at work. I don't really like my job all that much anyway, and the glass ceiling is still quite thick so there's not much incentive to return. Not to mention daycare costs the same as my mortgage payment.<BR/><BR/>I'd like to stay home and not work for a year after which, I want some low stress, low responsibility job. I don't care what it is, just something easy.<BR/><BR/>MMotherhood for the Weakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06813197295291518166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-14486070938646245712007-02-08T19:11:00.000+00:002007-02-08T19:11:00.000+00:00yes, my mum thinks the U.S. allowance of 12 weeks ...yes, my mum thinks the U.S. allowance of 12 weeks (unpaid, mind) is barbaric. (I am brit in U.S.--funny, huh?) sometimes i wish i had longer, but i'm with DD, after 8 weeks I was crawling out of my skin. I just wish I could work 4-5 hours a day with a full time salary.<BR/><BR/><BR/>and like you say, it definitely *is* an issue for women who want to keep momentum going on their careers. 1 year away--I would worry that this would make me infinitely replaceable.gingajoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01356643079413822527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-31450086351817929072007-02-08T09:55:00.000+00:002007-02-08T09:55:00.000+00:00Both my parents worked full time for all of my chi...Both my parents worked full time for all of my childhood. My mother loved her job, but even if she didn't she would have needed to work just to keep the family going.<BR/>I have no doubts that career-driven mothers can make it work, but that wasn't the case in my family. There was such a disconnection that I am determined to stay home with my children if and when I have them.<BR/>I absolutely consider myself to be a feminist, and yet I don't care that this would be conforming to gender roles. I think it would work best for me and my theoretical children (and hopefully their father too). Do whatever feels best for you and your family.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-66630807663508634982007-02-07T16:47:00.000+00:002007-02-07T16:47:00.000+00:00Hubby and I have been married for 5 years, and we ...Hubby and I have been married for 5 years, and we are "older". We are trying for a little one, and although I try to think "I won't know until I am in the situation", I already do know. I am a school counselor at a high school, and I LOVE my job and for the most part all of the people I work with. I don't want to give it up, and I have worked really hard to have this job and get my graduate degree. <br /><br />I made the mistake of saying to my mother that I didn't think I would stay home if we had a child, and she just looked at me. . .She knows that financially we can't do it, but what she didn't realize was that I just didn't see myself being able to walk away from my career.<br /><br />I applaud your post and understand exactly where you are coming from. . .chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16339815778944536862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-34090775851026716702007-02-06T10:03:00.000+00:002007-02-06T10:03:00.000+00:00Hi Pru -
I'm trying to think "I won't know until...Hi Pru - <br /><br />I'm trying to think "I won't know until I have the baby" but the reality is I think I will feel the same as you. I think I will need the adult stimulation (if you could call high school teaching adult stimultion - ha!)Also, I make more money than my husband does, and he is happy to be a SAHD, so on a practical level, that will probably be best.<br /><br />I love the idea of the baby yoga etc. but I do know myself, and that I need an intense amount of structure to motivate myself into most things. <br /><br />So we'll see. Lots of interesting comments here, though.<br /><br />And thank you for the lovely email, and for your sympathies about our poor pup. xxMeghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10517389518381988795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-7995651570669426942007-02-06T05:23:00.000+00:002007-02-06T05:23:00.000+00:00I stayed at home or worked part time because IVF w...I stayed at home or worked part time because IVF was like a part time job for us. When it finally worked, I knew, I know, that the second I can I will get a full time job. I can't wait. My life has been on hold for AGES. I don't even have a great career. I would honestly work doing whatever, just to have a full time job.queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00539184323507342634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-67357080889506349012007-02-06T04:19:00.000+00:002007-02-06T04:19:00.000+00:00I'm currently working part-time (2 days in the off...I'm currently working part-time (2 days in the office, 2 half days at home), and find it to be a really nice balance. I get to spend a couple of days playing with the kidlet, but I also get the relief of going to work. And yes, it is a relief. I think I would go quickly mad being at home full time.<br /><br />I made a resolution at the beginning of the year to get dressed every day. It did do a world of good for my mood.Nicohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16777159761996555760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-17172443625368571242007-02-06T02:17:00.000+00:002007-02-06T02:17:00.000+00:00I'm one of those few people who really, really doe...I'm one of those few people who really, really doesn't know how she'll react when/if babies arrive. I know that my mom was on maternity leave for 6 weeks with me and then went straight back to work. But I think she might be the type who would have loved to stay home much, much longer. Me, I'm not so sure.<br /><br />Of course now I'm in the middle of grad school, and then I hope to find some kind of enjoyable career. Where I am in that path when/if a child comes along will definitely impact my decision.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-47995552156620453342007-02-05T22:44:00.000+00:002007-02-05T22:44:00.000+00:00It is interesting, isn't it, how it all plays out ...It is interesting, isn't it, how it all plays out once they're here? <br /><br />I wanted desperately to stay home for at least the first year, but the idea of never returning to work, or returning to work only when he (and potential sibling) were 8, or 10, or whatever, seemed a bit too much for me. <br /><br />Now that I've been home 10 months, starting to work again--just a bit--has been the perfect solution for me. I'm still at home, but I get to use this part of my brain again, which is actually quite nice. And I've realized lately that the idea of getting dressed up & going to an office--and being able to write and work without distractions--is a lovely one, so that may be in my foreseeable future. I have adored this time with him, but I'm getting a bit of an itch. <br /><br />For me, I knew that if I took a year or two off, or went part-time for some or all of that time, it wouldn't affect my career tremendously. As long as I keep contact with the legal community here, I'm in pretty good shape.<br /><br />So for now I'm thinking I'd like to work part-time (either in our out of the house) until he and potential sibling are in school, and then return to work full-time after that. Hopefully that'll be possible!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-6128364608089241532007-02-05T19:57:00.000+00:002007-02-05T19:57:00.000+00:00Pyjamas all day, my idea of a lazy Sunday. Why bot...Pyjamas all day, my idea of a lazy Sunday. Why bother to get dressed indeed!<br /><br />I think conditions are more Scandinavian-like were I live. Going back to work is accepted almost as a given. Not all, but many parents can get parental leave on benefits, either full time or part time. <br /><br />My mother is a SAHM, she said she didn't want to work for two bosses, the kids were bossy enough. <br /><br />In my current generation, almost no one can afford it, or is willing to take a cut on their lifestyle. <br /><br />Feminism should be about choice. I agree, we don't all have to fit the same mold.Lut C.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03893061829410958985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-83988471953408004162007-02-05T19:47:00.000+00:002007-02-05T19:47:00.000+00:00I'm in the same boat as Suz: if I were out of the ...I'm in the same boat as Suz: if I were out of the workforce for even two years, I would be a dinosaur skill-wise. I would not be able to command the kind of salary, benefits or flexibility I have in my current position.<br /><br />I don't really love my job, and I wasn't exactly eager to get back, but I would have gone out of my mind staying home much longer. It is the inability to focus on anything for more than a minute or two (espcially as Olivia didn't nap) and having absolutely no control over my day-to-day life. I wish I didn't have to work as much as I do, but on balance I think career is an integral part of who I am and what makes me tick, and therefore it was the right decision for me to go back quickly.<br /><br />--BugsDeadBughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11329660768835417775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-55637324222428993322007-02-05T18:11:00.000+00:002007-02-05T18:11:00.000+00:00This is a bit of a sore subject for me at the mome...This is a bit of a sore subject for me at the moment because I'm right at the start of trying to make the move back in the general direction of my career plan. For the first three years after big G was born, I worked from home about 10-20 hours a week, all without childcare assistance of any sort. It was brutal, but I was really quite happy. I liked the independence of it, oddly enough, because I was working and engaging my mind, but not having to deal with workplace drama. And I did quite well with the first 18 months or so of being a full-time mom. What I have had a hard time with is staying home with a toddler/preschooler. It has just about entirely sucked the life out of me! I had thought that once lil' G was born I could get my groove back by caring for an infant again, but it just makes me resent big G all the more because I feel like taking care of his dictatorial three-year-old demands is keeping me from enjoying this time with the baby. So... staying at home worked for me for a while (and I did it up right, too - music classes and playgroups and baking and long walks and the whole bit) but now I'm through. <br /><br />As for returning to the career, the plan is to get an additional degree and return to something slightly different. I started out as a lawyer, now I'm getting a masters degree that will hopefully allow me to pursue a career as a law professor. We'll see... <br /><br />In the mean time, by doing a masters degree part-time, I'll be able to be home with lil' G at least part-time until she's 2 or 3 years old and after that point, I'll be working full time.Bittermamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13130551051224443601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-71285466438533770182007-02-05T17:02:00.000+00:002007-02-05T17:02:00.000+00:00It definitely sounds like it may be worse over the...It definitely sounds like it may be worse over there, or maybe it's just that in NYC there aren't a lot of women who can afford not to work even if they wanted to stay at home. In any case, I will be going back after about 3 months. This is generally a given, but I have been surprised 2 or 3 times by people's reactions. My mother-in-law's was the most troubling - she seemed to insinuate that surely, since I had SOOOO wanted to have a baby and had to try for SOOOOO long to get pregnant, SURELY I would want to actually SPEND TIME with the little sucker. There have been a couple of other little stabs from co-workers who chose to stay home for a year or more, suggesting that their way was the BEST way (never mind that we would be homeless as my salary is extremely needed). I don't yet know whether I will love or hate staying home, but I do know that judging people sucks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-75754686364097188792007-02-05T15:03:00.000+00:002007-02-05T15:03:00.000+00:00Dunno if there is a substantial difference between...Dunno if there is a substantial difference between US and UK. Multiple studies on this have shown that what makes a difference at a population level is level of female education, careers structured to deal with part time working or sabbaticals, and societal provision of adequate, cost effective child care. The latter is not in good shape in the UK, hence perhaps why more women chose to stay at home. The point being that scandinavia, with the most flexible parental leave policies (men and women get a full year between them on full benefits, to be taken whenever they want) has the highest population of working women. <br /><br />I also think that feminism has a long way to go. I went to a school full of high achieving women. Of those I'm still in touch with, 75% switched to a lower-pressure career, or went part time, or gave up work completely after having children. Our teachers would be shocked. Of my university friends, out of six of us, two don't have children, one gave up work, and the other three are all working full time, although one is an academic w v flexible schedule so a bit easier. A bit better odds. <br /><br />I don't love my job enough to want to come back full time if I have a child, but I also earn far more than my husband so there is no way I'll give up work completely - we'd have to sell our house etc. So I will be one of those ppl who return, not sure when or on what percentage. <br /><br />I do think that feminism should have given us the opportunity to chose. Yes, perhaps fewer women are chosing towork than we might have hoped, so there is a long way to go, but we are getting there.Thaliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12125639207843989848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-24297821322236489962007-02-05T14:19:00.000+00:002007-02-05T14:19:00.000+00:00Another UK reader (but lurkier) here. I know very ...Another UK reader (but lurkier) here. I know very well, that as much as I long for a child of my own, that I will go screaming-raging out-of-what's-left-of-my-mind if I end up staying at home full-time baby-wrangling. I know I will. I know my limits, my skills, my heart. I can't do it. I admire the women who can immensely. But to tell me (and you) that I don't know myself is disrespectful. Of course I know myself.<br /><br />And I like my job. Unlike my husband, who can't stand his.<br /><br />One of my major reasons for wanting a baby (not a main reason - the main reasons for wanting a child are rather inchoate and emotional) is that I want a child to have my husband for a father. I want the child to have what I always missed and longed for as a child myself - a loving, caring, involved Dad, who actually does spend long hours doing real parenting (rather than the fun kind of taking six-year-old to Museum and haranguing her about Leonardo da Vinci for an afternoon). And if I am SAHM, and my husband is working full-time, he won't get a chance to be that Dad for his (hypothetical) kids.<br /><br />What's with all my parentheses today? Sorry, must be lack of coffeeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-28606441174870163192007-02-05T12:50:00.000+00:002007-02-05T12:50:00.000+00:00I've never really had a definite opinion about the...I've never really had a definite opinion about the whole SAH thing. Possibly because I've never had a job that I've liked enough to want to go back to it after an absence. Every job I've held since college has been excruciatingly temporary- something on the way to a career, maybe. But financially, now that I have a job that pays well, I know I'll have to go back to it after my 3 months at 90% pay in order to make our mortgage payments. (Luckily, my employer is also my father-in-law, so he's quite flexible about how much time I want to spend with his grandchild!)<br /><br />The truth is, I really DON'T know how I'm going to feel until the baby comes. The Rock Star and I have already agreed that both of us get "time-outs" from the baby- whether it's just to go have a cup of coffee with a friend or go for a run at the gym, so that makes me think that I might be able to cope with SAHMotherhood. <br /><br />My mother took 8 years before going back to full time teaching after having me. As a result, she's had to work 8 years longer than my father in order to be able to retire at the end of this year. It's a shame that women feel the pressure to choose between career and baby when there should be some way to manage both!rockmamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11069747273698110082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-44099342448955367802007-02-05T12:02:00.000+00:002007-02-05T12:02:00.000+00:00Hallo
One of your two UK readers here...
I hate ...Hallo<br /><br />One of your two UK readers here...<br /><br />I hate those newspaper articles that paint it as a straightforward choice - careeer or kid. When I return to corporate fun in three months time (when my kid is six months old), it's only because I'm choosing to pay for such luxuries as the mortgage, council tax, our loan repayments etc. If I had the economic freedom, I'd definitely take more time to be at home with her. Or I'd at least go part time. <br /><br />But would I choose to do the full-time sahm thing? I love my job so perhaps I'd miss it too much. I dunno...<br /><br />I'm not looking forward to leaving her at nursery for the first time, mind you!<br /><br />I'm not sure why some people are judgmental about others - we're all doing the best we can for our kids. Money isn't everything but by working now maybe we can afford to move out of our tiny one-bedroomed abode in sarf london...<br /><br />I'm rambling now....cheerio.TheOldestCathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08471672464838770315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-80732521084268620722007-02-05T08:16:00.000+00:002007-02-05T08:16:00.000+00:00Hm, I was just able to leave a few typepad comment...Hm, I was just able to leave a few typepad comments. My site is run by typepad too, btw.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-5416343809690148842007-02-05T06:17:00.000+00:002007-02-05T06:17:00.000+00:00I've just started to identify myself as a SAHM, de...I've just started to identify myself as a SAHM, despite that I've been home for 6 months now - I think because J is back to working outside the house, so the distinction between the two of us is becoming more clear. But in theory I'm going back to finishing my grad degree soon - part time, but going back. I'm having big issues of my own sort since I'm not particularly compelled to go back to working on my dissertation, and it's not like that "work" makes any money, so I'm not contributing to the household.<br /><br />Not to ramble on or anything. Point being, I think it's a tough issue. No right or wrong, or maybe better to say what's right for one may be wrong for another. <br /><br />(No tips on the blog posting thing, but I read most blogs via bloglines these days so I don't generally show up in the stats. But I'm here.)Casshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04551097088915179208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-68817661468547274282007-02-05T01:49:00.000+00:002007-02-05T01:49:00.000+00:00I can't believe I'm a sahm - that's mostly because...I can't believe I'm a sahm - that's mostly because I can't believe I finally have a kid to stay home with. I do love it, I love being with her and seeing her walk and talk and blah, blah, blah. And I feel that I'm lucky to be able to do it. I wasn't working before- I had sold my portion of my company, so I'm profoundly grateful to be able to stay at home. I don't view it as a patriarchial anything as it is my choice. I have friends that stay at home and others that work ft, but would like to have at least a day or two off to stay with their kid.<br /><br />That said - the other day I was at the store and there were loads of people dressed (for work, whereas I was dressed for my work - in sweats) and I thought, hmmm, I miss work. Well, lo and behold, my old bus. partner called and I got embroiled in one of his fiasco's while trying to feed the baby and put her to bed. So yeah, I don't really miss work. And I also remember the people I worked with when I took the temp job while pg and hell no, I'd rather stay home and skype with my pals and be with my girl (if I didn't have my friends to chat with online and on the phone this would be a completely different comment). <br /><br />As for hurting my professional standing? Eh. I guess I think, like every other time in my life, I'll figure it out when the time comes.<br /><br />Sorry if this is rambly - it's suberbowl sunday - I bet you miss that LOADS! heh, heh.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9862855.post-79340901700989626962007-02-05T01:33:00.000+00:002007-02-05T01:33:00.000+00:00Thank you for writing this post!! While the kiddo...Thank you for writing this post!! While the kiddos are only 2.5 months old, everyday when my husband walks out the door to work I wish I were going with him. Staying home is hard. I never thought I'd be in the position and it's been tough. I just graduated from law school and with the timing of the twins it didn't make sense to have a job lined up. I'll probably start looking in the spring/summer. I'm excited to start my professional career. Mostly, I struggle with the dynamic that staying home creates between my husband and I. It just feels so stereotypical and it makes it hard to feel like we're a parenting team.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com