Now she is three

A mere hour and 21 minutes ago marked precisely three years since my baby was born. Some of you have been readers of my rambling since I was doing my IUIs, so to have a three year old on the other side of four IUIs and an IVF means I've been at this for rather awhile.

Before I got pregnant, The Dude and I would imagine our potential offspring. Despite numerous hours dedicated to the imaginary child's traits, we never could have predicted the child we now have.

P is stubborn, willful, spirited and at times, conniving. She's a challenge, but in a strangely enjoyable way. P ensures that I am not a complacent mother, and I admit to being somewhat surprised at how much I crave to spend time in her presence. She can infuriate me in one moment like she did yesterday when refusing to try on summer sandals, to creating a mad rush of all encompassing love, as she did the next when this exchange occurred:

Me: "P, Mummy has to say that she doesn't like you very much right now."

P: ::saddest frown you've ever seen::: "That is NOT a very nice thing to say Mum!"

Parents gush about how beautiful their children are, something I'm not immune to. However, the beauty that I see is in the sheer amazingness that this small, developing person is the product of me and The Dude - she's not our tiny, wiggling baby, but rather our little girl finding her way in the world as its complexities present themselves to her. I often stroke her bare legs as she falls asleep, marvelling that much smaller versions of these strong, athletic limbs not long ago beat the hell out of my insides.

I'm not good at attempting to be serious and lyrical, and I know that no combination of words I could devise would ever fully encompass the wonder and adoration I have for P. She makes me laugh, often to the point of tears, and she makes me angry, also, on occasion to the point of tears. I am still not a gushing, obliging mother who years to spend every waking hour with her child, but I never thought I'd be capable of a love like this.

Happy third birthday, sweet P. You are my sunshine, always and forever.